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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My baby not our baby

223 replies

Babybarclay · 08/04/2018 10:39

A little context so I try not to drip feed:
My mother-in-law was an only child so she's used to getting what she wants and this has carried on throughout her adult life. She has two children and was quite a strict parent. She and my husband's dad got divorced about 10 years ago when the kids are all grown up. She's living quite a luxurious lifestyle travelling about a lot but gets annoyed when my husband doesn't ring on at least three times a week to say hi. When we got married my husband made a point of living in the same area as her so she wouldn't get lonely.......
Anyway me and her son got married a couple of years ago and we now have a baby. And she constantly refers to my baby as our baby. This annoyed me a bit as I grew up with a lot of children and it's my first baby so it's a big deal for me ! Yes she is the grandmother and it's her family too so I brushed the our bits off thinking I was being silly....

But am I being unreasonable to get annoyed when she starts saying "my baby my baby" when she's talking about... well my baby not hers?? X

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 09/04/2018 17:46

This thread has made the Daily Mail

I'm not likely to see that. I wouldn't buy the Daily Fail Grin

cathf · 09/04/2018 17:54

Gotogetmoving, there's always one Hmm

Chickoletta · 09/04/2018 17:56

I'm an only child but less of a spoilt brat than you if your OP is anything to go by...

lattewith3shotsplease · 09/04/2018 17:58

Fuck off Daily Mail Angry

SoupDragon · 09/04/2018 18:02

I'm not likely to see that. I wouldn't buy the Daily Fail

It’s online. And you’ve missed the point.

lolalola19 · 09/04/2018 18:07

She loves and dotes on the child - what's the issue?

cathf · 09/04/2018 18:11

I think the point is that the pp was anxious that everyone should know that she does not read the Daily Mail/Fail/Pain (or any of the other 'hilarious' names dreamt up by MN posters.
She need not bother - it's MN law you don't read it.

Aragog · 09/04/2018 18:13

My mother-in-law was an only child so she's used to getting what she wants

Urgh! Lazy stereotype. And tbh from the original post to would seem that she's not the only one who wants everything their own way either.

'Our' baby is just a turn of phrase, as has been said. Its a term of endearment, from someone who cares about and over the baby.

When DD was born she was the first baby on both sides of the family. She was loved by her grandparents, and she was also very much part of the family group - our family, and our family includes my parents and siblings, and DH's parents and siblings. Some when referring to her then yes, sometimes they might have said something like, 'how's our little one?' - I am more surprised that you wouldn't want your child to be loved and included by its grandparents, than your stresses over a turn of phrase.

It does come across, however, that you clearly don't really like the woman and I think this is more about that than the words.

I also notice OP that you always refer to the baby as MY baby - surely the baby is, at the very least, your and your partner's baby? Not just yours!

LeighaJ · 09/04/2018 18:22

Babybarclay

You both sound unreasonable.

Katherine2626 · 09/04/2018 18:22

You are being a tiny bit precious here - sorry. It is just an expression. My DM always scooped up the children for a big hug with 'whose my lovely girl/boy'. My Mil was totally disinterested and didn't even look at my son. If she had said 'My baby' about him it would have been so much more natural.

RunLillian88 · 09/04/2018 18:22

I’m an only child. I can’t say I expect to get everything I want and I think it’s pretty crappy stereotype you’re using op. Sad

I would just be glad she’s in love with her new grandchild. Lots of people say ‘my baby’ at a term of endearment not ownership. I wouldn’t worry.

coffeeforone · 09/04/2018 18:23

I think YABU to get annoyed.

My MIL called DS ‘my baby’, then now she says ‘my son’. She says it to him in an affectionate was and it doesn’t bother me. She obviously knows that technically he is her grandson and she didn’t actually give birth to him!

kiloh · 09/04/2018 18:23

Mine did that too ...she then organised a nursery for her baby, would turn up at 10pm to see her baby, and when my friend travelled down to come and visit and we went out for the day I was told off and had a phone call demanding that I tell her when we would be back as she expected to see her baby, oh I was also told off for disagreeing with the name she picked!! 😳

Wills · 09/04/2018 18:26

I actually get what you're on about. My mother calls her favourite grandchildren her babies, so I have 4 DC and 2 of them are hers apparently?! To put this in perspective the first time I cut my firstborn's hair she disowned me for a week (as in shouting down the telephone and informing my brothers that I'd been removed from the Will!). When we moved away she tried to get solicitors involved to prevent us moving etc. That said over the years I've grown to appreciate her, just wish it wasn't so obvious to the other kids which ones are her favourites!

Fiera · 09/04/2018 18:27

Sounds a bit childish to me. Her grandbaby. He is still ‘hers’ in a sense.
If that bothers you, God help you as he grows up.

DairyisClosed · 09/04/2018 18:30

Is it really the 'my baby' that is the problem though?

Sennelier1 · 09/04/2018 18:31

You must be my long-lost sister (even if I'm probably old enough to be your mom). My husband is an only child and so are both of his parents, while I m the first of seven, just imagine...,,, When I was expecting my first baby it was allready "our baby", and MIL decided to buy me feeding bottles and other necessary stuff without even consulting me. I hated her and still do. She decided to only have one, her decision, her choice, so don't come and claim my child! With my second it was "I should've known YOU wouldn't be happy with just one child". She still acts as if my children are hers, even if and when I tell her she isn't entitled to! Flash forward, our children are 30 and 32, husband still close to his mom (dad died), and little me just doing as I please. It's the only way. "My mom wants us to come over and have dinner with her" - "I wont, we both agreed to dine with xxxfriends, so we'll have a sandwich with your mom.

Usually we re fine, bit it s not easy being married to an only child.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 09/04/2018 18:34

My MIL (who, for the record, I love and get on very well with) has been known to call DS1 "my baby", and my nanny often calls him "my boy". In both cases it's because they adore him and feel strongly connected to him, and in neither case does it bother me.

My kids are not at all confused about who their mother is, and they don't belong to me either; they're human beings who belong to themselves, that I happened to give birth to. I won't say I never feel a pang of maternal jealousy, but you shoot yourself - and more importantly your child - in the foot when you try to limit or control their loving bonds with other adults.

ScipioAfricanus · 09/04/2018 18:37

Irrelevant that she’s an only child. Thanks for the lazy stereotype.

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 09/04/2018 18:39

The "only child is a spoilt selfish child" rhetoric is horrible. No need to bring that ridiculous stereotype into this discussion.

My DS is an only and probably the best at sharing possessions and caring for others amongst his group of peers. That's his personality, nowt to do with being an "only".

I might have had some sympathy OP but this is just unnecessary.

Coyoacan · 09/04/2018 18:40

Maybe you aren't expressing yourself very well, but from the little information you are giving here she just sounds like a normal doting grandmother. My MIL was such a star and a lot of my dd's survival in this world I owe to my brilliant PIL. I had a pretty horrible grandmother myself, and it certainly wasn't because she loved me too much, so I don't grandparents per se are essential, but loving ones do make life more beautiful for everyone concerned.

Americantan · 09/04/2018 18:41

It’s a very common turn of phrase where I live, for all family members to refer to the youngest child in the family as “our baby”. It’s a colloquialism that I find very irritating.

Gottagetmoving · 09/04/2018 18:43

It’s online. And you’ve missed the point

I responded to 'this thread has made the Daily mail'
As that's all it said I took it to mean what it said Hmm

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 09/04/2018 18:44

Blimey, my DM refers to DS as 'my baby', she doesn't actually mean she thinks DS is hers, just that she loves him a lot! It doesn't bother DH and I at all, we're delighted DS has had a strong bond with his DGP.

Gottagetmoving · 09/04/2018 18:47

I think the point is that the pp was anxious that everyone should know that she does not read the Daily Mail/Fail/Pain (or any of the other 'hilarious' names dreamt up by MN posters

Nope,...no anxiety involved and the name is not hilarious, it's just accurate.