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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My baby not our baby

223 replies

Babybarclay · 08/04/2018 10:39

A little context so I try not to drip feed:
My mother-in-law was an only child so she's used to getting what she wants and this has carried on throughout her adult life. She has two children and was quite a strict parent. She and my husband's dad got divorced about 10 years ago when the kids are all grown up. She's living quite a luxurious lifestyle travelling about a lot but gets annoyed when my husband doesn't ring on at least three times a week to say hi. When we got married my husband made a point of living in the same area as her so she wouldn't get lonely.......
Anyway me and her son got married a couple of years ago and we now have a baby. And she constantly refers to my baby as our baby. This annoyed me a bit as I grew up with a lot of children and it's my first baby so it's a big deal for me ! Yes she is the grandmother and it's her family too so I brushed the our bits off thinking I was being silly....

But am I being unreasonable to get annoyed when she starts saying "my baby my baby" when she's talking about... well my baby not hers?? X

OP posts:
BigBookOfNonsense · 08/04/2018 11:25

YABU

My dog sitter refers to my dog as being "my boy", doesn't mean she thinks she owns him!

annandale · 08/04/2018 11:26

'Ignore the brickbats'
What a great way to learn and improve as a person.

ladymariner · 08/04/2018 11:26

Beautiful post, maddie

Mydoghatesthebath · 08/04/2018 11:29

Boofay ah she sounds lovely. Nice to hear a good mil story and your dh able to control things when needed. Wink

Maddie

You can’t just post things like that with no explanation?!! Why Ethel? Grin

MakeItRain · 08/04/2018 11:40

My MIL has always called my two "my....." as well. She also at one point tried to get them to call her "Ma", short for Grandma! I thought that was a bit odd as in my own family, Ma means mum. They never took to it anyway, despite her constantly referring to herself as "Ma" for a few months! But none of it really bothered/bothers me. She loves them to pieces and I like the bond they have.
That's not to say you're unreasonable to mind though, but I would guess it's because there's a lot more bothering you than just that, which is why this little thing irritates you so much.
I would try not to let it bother you and just ignore it. Also realise that it's all the other stuff that bothers you really, not the use of the word "my". Sounds like she encroaches on your life a bit/ (a lot?) Maybe if possible try to address some of that?

WeAllHaveWings · 08/04/2018 11:43

If you liked your MIL you wouldn't have a problem with it.

The problem is you don't like her and find it hard to even tolerate her place in your life as your dh's mum and ds's grandmother. It doesn't sound like she has done anything seriously wrong other that just not being your cup of tea.

Brokenbiscuit · 08/04/2018 11:45

It doesn't sound like she has done anything seriously wrong other that just not being your cup of tea.

And being an only child...

pencilhoarder · 08/04/2018 11:47

It doesn't sound like she has done anything seriously wrong other that just not being your cup of tea. Absolutely, and they will both have to live with that.

akitas2 · 08/04/2018 11:49

I'm an only child, but I'm not offended by your choice of words. As a matter of fact I wasn't spoiled, but even if I was, it's only people who don't know you that would think that.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 08/04/2018 11:51

My mum, my grandparents and my sister all refer to both my children as 'our' or 'my' something-or-other (baby, darling, etc etc) some of the time. I think it's lovely - I'm glad my children have so many people who love them.

I do get where you're coming from a bit - when my eldest was small my sister (quite a bit younger than me, no kids yet, very 'good with babies') used to sometimes try to pass him off as her own, or used to compete a bit with me (e.g. could she soothe him when I'd failed to do so) and I felt quite sensitive about it; now he's older I'm no longer bothered because I'm much more secure in knowing that I am the mother, I am the most important one to him, and if he's also got a brilliant aunt then so much the better for him.

huginamugwankinapacket · 08/04/2018 11:52

What the heck has her being an only child and all the other stuff got to do with the question you asked?

You clearly don't like her, I don't like my MiL either and that's why petty shit like this also grates on me if she calls our kids 'our' or 'my' but I just let it go. They have very little emotional attachment to her anyway as she'll do anything to get out of seeing her.

huginamugwankinapacket · 08/04/2018 11:52

them*

DD2017 · 08/04/2018 11:52

YANBU
It might be different if you had a closer relationship and lived in each other's pockets but you don't and it's not so no you are not being unreasonable.
Whether you want to say something to her is a different matter!

Shmithecat · 08/04/2018 11:55

I call my great niece 'my little froggy princess'. She's not mine, not a frog and not royal. But it's ok. Just affection. Chill out.

alittlepieceofme · 08/04/2018 11:56

I can't stand my ex mil so it would totally wind me up when she would say my little boy or refer to him as ours! Next time she does it I'm going to say ' no he's mummies little boy, you have one of your own! You know the one who walked out on us!' 😂

silkpyjamasallday · 08/04/2018 11:58

I think you need to chill out OP, your MIL using the term 'my baby' is in no way intended to lay claim to him as her own. Sometimes you just need to let things go, this is one of those times. I have to put up with FIL constantly telling me that DD could be his daughter as she looks much more like his Jamaican side of the family, he has always called her his girl and even refers to himself as daddy! Now that I find pretty creepy, but I'm not going to cause unnecessary friction in family relationships for the sake of making a point.

ohhereweareagain · 08/04/2018 11:58

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missperegrinespeculiar · 08/04/2018 12:03

well, unless there is something else she does which may explain your irritation (apart from being richer then you deem acceptable...), then YABVVVU

I have two sons, I try not to worry about the common idea that "a daughter is a daughter for life etc.", then I come on here and read this kind of thread and I get very scared!

maddiemookins16mum · 08/04/2018 12:04

Mydog.....when I was pregnant we called 'it' Ethel or Earnest as we didn't find out the sex so would vary what the baby was called depending on whatever took our fancy 😊😊

Walkaboutwendy · 08/04/2018 12:11

My mum says 'how are my babies' when referring to my kids and I actually love it! It shows to be how much she loves them and is interested in them. I usually reply 'great but your babies need a sitter so mum and dad can go out Grin

Honestly I think there's more going on here and this is the tip of the iceberg. It does sound like you are looking for reasons to clash with her. How does your husband actually get with her as opposed to how you view their relationship?

Springnowplease · 08/04/2018 12:16

I think you are over reacting. The baby is part of her family, of course she says our and my.

Nothing unusual in that.

haverhill · 08/04/2018 12:16

You’re entitled to not particularly like your MIL or how she refers to your baby, but your lazy linking of this to her being an only child makes you sound unpleasant.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/04/2018 12:26

When we got married my husband made a point of living in the same area as her so she wouldn't get lonely

Erm, I don't see that as a bad thing. In fact, it shows that your husband is a caring person. You're not living in her house. You don't like her. Fair enough, but yabu.

Gottagetmoving · 08/04/2018 12:26

I called each of my grandchildren, 'my baby' or 'our baby' Our family see us all as important and close to each other.
It's also nice that your dh is concerned about his mum.
I can't understand women who think their partners have to stop being close to their mother or family because they now have a wife/partner. Lots of women are very close to their mothers but men aren't supposed to?
I wouldn't be happy with a partner who didn't still show love and concern for his mother.

DanaNakers · 08/04/2018 12:26

I have a different perspective of this. My mother is so, so excited that I am pregnant, but lives 300 miles away from me so I fear I won't see her all too often once my maternity leave is over. MIL however is very cold, not interested in the fact that I am pregnant at all, hasn't been round to visit for weeks regardless of being invited, even though she lives 5 minutes down the road. DP and I have done everything in our power to make things good and dong understand her disinterest.

I'd love a MIL who referred to my baby as 'ours'. It may annoy you but just count your blessings that she cares.

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