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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does your teen hate you today?

194 replies

AjasLipstick · 08/04/2018 09:41

Mine's 13...apparently I'm terrible parent because I offered her the meal she really loved up until today...it was a steak sandwich on crusty bread with a side salad.

Last week this was "amazing" and "my favourite"

Tonight I told her I was making it again and she said OH NO I HATE THAT!!!!

Hmm

I said...well you could have some stir fried noodles?

No. She wanted a certain dish from our local Chinese takeaway.

I said no.

DH said yes...and offered her the cash to go and buy it.

That's evil too though. We should apparently go for her in the car as it's AGES AWAY! TOO FAR!

It's a 5 minute walk.

She's now sitting in her room, hating us and refusing anything.

I'm ignoring.

OP posts:
WheelyCote · 09/04/2018 19:04

I put his beefburger on the top part of the bun..

He spent a few mins putting onions, ketchup etc...you'd think it was art. Then he went to put the top on and found it was the bottom. Basically his masterpiece would be the wrong way and apparently wrong to eat all the added extras this way😂😂😂😂😂😂

Reminded me of when he was toddler , arms swilling around and everything

CPtart · 09/04/2018 19:27

DS1 is away with school on a ten day road trip round West Coast USA. It's cost us an arm and a leg. He was due to fly over the Grand Canyon in a helicopter today and was furious with me via Whatsapp as I dared to remind him more than once to take lots of photos!

SootyandMathew · 09/04/2018 19:39

@CPtart I'm with your DS. He should be living in the moment. He can buy postcards afterwards.

BiddyPop · 09/04/2018 20:30

I think I redeemed myself this afternoon as I had 3 pre-teens in the car (mine, a playdate, and a 3rd who gets dropped home by playdate every Monday after a sporting activity all 3 do together). Due to a "fatal injury" (on a very much still alive young lady - but apparently there was blood all the way down her leg to her shoe...grazed knee), ice cream was necessary for recovery en route home and I got some for all 3. And then provided sausages, chips and corn (on the COB!!) for tea for DD and her playdate. So all was well in her world, and we got voluntary hugs tonight.

(Although, she also quietly asked DH about going to a graduation disco at the end of the school year - leaving primary - who has very kindly passed the responsibility on to me! We thought she wasn't aware of the pre-teen discos locally, but she knows all about them and the one we thought she meant has been "shut down", this is a rugby club one just for 6th class DCs)..........it might mean not wearing a tracksuit though....

YouTheCat · 09/04/2018 20:48

Andro, I agree with your ds.

Largepiecesofcrookedwood · 09/04/2018 20:51

Not hated as such, more intense exasperation.
My crime? Suggesting that next time he and his mates decide to meet up in town, he suggests they meet either on a day where I'm working late shift (so could drop him in town) a weekend (so DH could drop him in town) earlier (so that he could catch the only bus into town) or later (so that either DH or I could drop him in) Since I'd picked him up from the rain he refrained from all out hysteria, though I can guarantee it's been filed away as "another of mums stupid ideas" Hmm

Ledkr · 09/04/2018 20:53

Dd16 didn't come home from college as usual so I called her.
She was "WITH FRIENDS!!" Apparently and was "EATING"
How unreasonable of me to concerned about her being 2 hours late.
She is home now and has a headache which I'm sure is so she can't be told off 😂

Bouledeneige · 09/04/2018 21:11

Sat with DS today as he revised and I did some work and emails.

We had a long debate about why it wasn't necessary for him to understand or read a whole section of the revision guide. "It wont come up so there's no point. I KNOW THAT!'

I just couldn't get beyond the fact that if it was in the revision guide they probably expected him to know it.

BrownTurkey · 09/04/2018 21:11

Ah she does not tell me why she hates me, she just looks at me with pity, disdain or not at all while being generally polite and acceptable. And then has a laugh with DH 🤔

fleshmarketclose · 09/04/2018 21:13

Vlad Dd has never said she hates me neither did my others who are now much more reasonable as adults however each and every one of them have in their own way at times made it very clear that they were far from enamoured with me as their parent which I think it's pretty normal.
I do remember to my eternal shame silently wishing terrible things on my own dm as a teen who died shortly after (not as a result of wishful thinking).
I have redeemed myself somewhat today by buying the particular bread rolls from a specific shop that dd finds acceptable this week. I am not holding my breath though and don't expect it to last as last time I did the same thing with a particular food item she declared that she hated it having declared it her favourite a week previously Hmm I do pander to these food whims though as food and dd are not good bedfellows and she would happily not eat at all.

Ggirl27 · 09/04/2018 21:27

My 16 year old DS is revising - because I've bribed him with junk food - and I will continue to bribe him with junk food until his GCSEs are over as it really works! My 12 year old DD hasn't even got dressed today and has mastered the art of eye rolling...

Peanutbuttercups21 · 09/04/2018 21:35

Bloody hell Andro, I am with your DS there!

Shizzlestix · 09/04/2018 21:53

Right now they're still snarling at each other (uncharacteristic of my DH as well as my DS), with DH demanding an apology and some respect and DS demanding the same as well as insisting DH remember he's not Supernanny with testicles.

Totally agree with your ds. Massively unfair. Why should he look after his dad’s mate’s kid? I’d leave the house.

Ledkr · 09/04/2018 22:24

But off thread but as you are all here, does anyone have a teen who simply refuses to sleep?
Dd has a really long active day st college but stays awake as long as possible.
During the holidays we even found her still sat downstairs at 4.30 am!!!
She mooches about, eats, showers, mostly goes on her phone. She won't listen to reason.
Tonight she looks terrible so I told her I am switching off the internet at 11 and will take the remote controls to bed. I don't like to be so controlling but I feel there comes a point when you need to take over.
Any thoughts?

CadyHeron · 09/04/2018 22:29

Nearly 15. Changed the wifi password yesterday as he was a complete shite yesterday and the couple of days running up to yesterday and was warned if behaviour didn't get any better it would disappear.
Bah boo, it did.Suck it up. Teenage tantrums even worse than toddler tantrums if that's possible! Grin
Get it back when you start behaving.

Ledkr · 09/04/2018 22:35

Is it a faff to change password? I know how to do it but I guess then you just relog into everything with new password?

CadyHeron · 09/04/2018 22:48

Is it a faff to change password? I know how to do it but I guess then you just relog into everything with new password?

I'm not sure how to change, I just told DH to do it lol Blush Grin think it's easy when you know how!
Don't know how to change, but once it's changed it's not in his phone or any more or devices.
It is in ours though as well easy to put back in and even I can do it. Mwah hah ha Grin

Onlyoldontheoutside · 09/04/2018 23:02

Mines being sweet today when I came home.I was back early enough to earn extra points cooking tea if her choice(Quorn chilli with baked potato).
Nice cuddle while watching first date and other catch-up.
Now barely talking as I cannot think up non boring weekend in June for her fifteenth b'day.Have come up with lots of ideas but apparently all boring.Her ideas involve lots of minibuses, tents,beaches,no adults but magical transport ,breakfast and snack fairies,pizzas or magical fire pit barbecue fairies and loud music that no one else can hear.
She stopped talking to me when I asked if she could see how many parents would let a mixed group of teens camp unsupervised and to cost it out.

Candlelights · 09/04/2018 23:29

ledkr Our router simply plugs into one of those timer power switches that you can set to go on and off when you like. Off at 11pm every night. Lots of teenage grumbling at first but did wonders for DSS's nocturnal habits.

Today DS hates me for making him revise.

DD (14) is nice today but only because she's forgotten that she hates me for refusing to pay for her to go to America to visit a friend in the summer. And she's distracted by hating her friend's mum who won't let the friend come for a sleepover (so I am cool mum for today :) )

Andro · 10/04/2018 00:24

YouTheCat (and others)

I too agree with my ds's views, even if some of his language was totally unacceptable - it was just very unusual to see him explode like that (he's usually far calmer but very effective at making his point). There was just no point me getting in the middle of the situation, it would have only made things worse.

Everyone has calmed down now and I've discussed the matter with DH (I suspect he and DS will be having some father/son time tomorrow so DH can talk to him about how thoroughly he got today wrong) and DS (who had strategies which could have prevented the explosion but didn't attempt to use them).

(and I'll admit, I'm finding the 'Supernanny with testicles' comment quite amusing)

TheMythicalChicken · 10/04/2018 00:45

Ledkr, my DS has been prescribed Melatonin. It is made naturally in the body, but if someone doesn't have enough or are on other medication, it can help them sleep. Maybe you could speak to your doctor about her sleeping habits and whether this would help?

Four nights in a row I have gone in to wrestle DS's phone out of his hand at 9pm and found him fast asleep!

jmh740 · 10/04/2018 11:30

Today dd hates me because I've forced her to go trampolining (yesterday she hated me because I wouldn't take her trampolining) I'm watching when she thinks I'm not looking she's having a great time when she realises I'm watching she put on her best tortured face. It's okay though cos ds still thinks I'm the best mum ever

Ledkr · 10/04/2018 11:48

It's not melatonin she needs I don't think. She actively chooses not to go to sleep.
She's always been the same.
Sleepovers with friends seem to be a reason to stay awake all night, even the guests look tired and a few don't come much!
I didn't think having a 16 year old would mean I was still trying to influence sleep like with a baby.
Maybe I should do controlled whining 😂

Afonavon · 10/04/2018 13:20

DS hates me taday because I was 30p short of the cost of his haircut and he has to add his own money (our money in the form of pocket money). 30p was enough for him to be in a foul mood even though I’d forked out £17.70 and chauffeured his there and back.

HarryBlackberry · 10/04/2018 13:59

My 14 year old dd hates me because I offered to change her bedding. Also because I made her some poached eggs.