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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No evening do at wedding abroad

170 replies

allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 20:42

After many weeks of deciding what is best for us we've decided to go abroad for our wedding.

We've booked a really nice hotel and a really late in the day wedding. All inclusive once in a lifetime for us type of place. It's costing a lot of money.

Close family are definitely coming. We've paid for them.

I've stressed that if other people want to come I'd be overjoyed but I understand that it will be their family holiday for that year also, so I have stressed it's going to be super casual, ie wear what your comfortable in, men will be in nice shirts and shorts and flip flops I'm in something flowy as it's going to be super hot.

Given the hotel is all inclusive, we are not going to have an evening do. Just get married and then everyone can go the bar, get food etc. To be honest we can't afford it. (We are happy with this)

Is this unreasonable do you think? People will think we are right won't they?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/04/2018 20:45

You mean you're not going to provide anything at all for your guests?

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 20:46

Yabu... totally.

AlphaApple · 07/04/2018 20:46

YABU. Sorry.

AlphaApple · 07/04/2018 20:47

Is it in Maui Wink

LittleBearPad · 07/04/2018 20:47

I think you need to provide drinks and something to eat even if it’s bits and bobs. There needs to be some form of celebration at the end.

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 20:47

If you can't afford it then don't invite people. It's a complete cheek to expect them to pay to attend and not feed them or provide some form of party.

Or is this a reverse?!

NapQueen · 07/04/2018 20:48

The people she wants there are being paid for by the op so presumably included in the AI. So they are getting a whole holiday plus all food and drinks paid for. Sounds great to me.

madvixen · 07/04/2018 20:48

It's your day and you can do it in any way you want. I hope you have an incredible day :-)

windchimesabotage · 07/04/2018 20:48

I think as long as you make it very clear on the invites what the situation is then its up to people to decide to come or not.
Some people may not come because of the cost both of travel and then for feeding themselves but as long as you expect that I guess its fair enough.
Make sure you make it crystal clear that people will have to pay for their own food and drink on the invites because the worst thing would be for people to turn up expecting something.... You may have to word it clearer than 'no evening do' and actually put 'food and drink will not be provided but are available to be bought from the bar'

QuitMoaning · 07/04/2018 20:48

But if it is all inclusive then your guests won’t be paying either so seems fine but I do think you should host something even if you ask to reserve a corner of the bar.

BritInUS1 · 07/04/2018 20:49

Are your guests staying the same hotel as you, so they are AI too?

I think if anyone who you haven't paid for comes you will need to rethink

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 07/04/2018 20:49

I think people will probably say sorry, can't attend.

Madonnasmum · 07/04/2018 20:49

I get it. If all the guests are also staying in the hotel AI, I don't understand why you would then pay extra for an evening do?

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 20:50

So you are paying for close family to attend but can't afford a party afterwards? Sorry it sounds really weird. You're prioritising paying for other people's holidays over your own wedding, just to have it abroad. Makes no sense.

Flopsymopsycottontailbuns · 07/04/2018 20:50

I get that you're in an all inclusive. However I've seen several weddings abroad (Caribbean) where people have just sat around the bar afterwards like any other evening and it's always looked a bit of a shame. Can the hotel not do you all a table together or private dining or something?

In contrast I went to a wedding in Cyprus in a private villa with full on catering and party for guests it was amazing.

Appreciate the financial limitations but think how you can make it special and not just any old holiday evening.

AntiHop · 07/04/2018 20:51

Yanbu

Original poster
allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 20:51

Sorry if people choose to come and stay in a different hotel, we will obv pay for them to come to our hotel for the day and have full use of the all inclusive.

I wouldn't expect them to pay this themselves.

If I wanted a separate "do" I would have to pay for this and the do aswell. Does hat make sense?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 07/04/2018 20:51

I think you need to provide something. A few drinks and a buffet maybe. Doesn't need to be a three course sit down meal with open bar. It is really quite rude not to provide anything though.

FissionChips · 07/04/2018 20:52

If you’re paying for the AI for them then I think it’s fine.

Dancingmonkey87 · 07/04/2018 20:52

Are your guests staying in the resort with AL? If not your massively unreasonable to expect people to make the trip and not feed them and put some alcohol on even if it’s a toast.

PinotAndPlaydough · 07/04/2018 20:52

I think it sounds ok, you’ve paid for the people you really want there to have what sounds like ana amazing holiday paid for by you. Any one extra doesn’t have to go if they don’t want to so can’t get the arse ache because they aren’t getting a traditional wedding. As long as you aren’t pressuring anyone to go I don’t see the issue.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/04/2018 20:53

I missed that you were paying for the guests.
Not so unreasonable then

PeerieBreeks · 07/04/2018 20:54

It would seem daft to pay for food and drink when it's already paid for as part of your ai holiday.

I would be ok with this.

Sparklesocks · 07/04/2018 20:54

I suppose my concern would be for the guests who you haven’t paid for - are they definitely staying in the same hotel? Or a cheaper one down the road to save cash? If it’s the latter then they might feel a bit hard down by as other guests get free bar and food but they trundle home unfed etc

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/04/2018 20:54

Ask if the hotel can provide a private area just for your group

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