No evening do at wedding abroad

[allthegoodnameshadgone]

After many weeks of deciding what is best for us we've decided to go abroad for our wedding.

We've booked a really nice hotel and a really late in the day wedding. All inclusive once in a lifetime for us type of place. It's costing a lot of money.

Close family are definitely coming. We've paid for them.

I've stressed that if other people want to come I'd be overjoyed but I understand that it will be their family holiday for that year also, so I have stressed it's going to be super casual, ie wear what your comfortable in, men will be in nice shirts and shorts and flip flops I'm in something flowy as it's going to be super hot.

Given the hotel is all inclusive, we are not going to have an evening do. Just get married and then everyone can go the bar, get food etc. To be honest we can't afford it. (We are happy with this)

Is this unreasonable do you think? People will think we are right won't they?

We were on hol a few years ago at a tropical ai place. Big wedding similar setup was happening. Wedding on beach at sunset, back to restaurant (staff had reserved tables, made them nicer with flowers etc) then on to bar where everyone got slaughtered merry. Dancing etc. They seemed to have fun.

It would depend where you are as to if I'd want a family holiday there with an afternoon/evening at your wedding iyswim.

That & money of course!

I would say be prepared for it to be not any more than you are paying for.

I've already said to non close family, understand it's expensive understand if you can't come, if you do you will be able to use the AI in the hotel on us.

I'm going to be honest here and say it sounds really odd, OP..... why on earth would someone invited to a wedding for the day want to play a round of golf or use the spa? They are going to want to spend time with the people they've spent a fortune to fly to godknowswhere with. And a wedding always involves a celebration after the ceremony with food and drink. Not a "there are 5 restaurants, take your pick and off you trot!".

You can scatter with rose petals or the traditional flower of the country. No reason for it to be any different r any less special than a normal wedding reception (and guests will have more choice too)
It sounds really fabulous and your guests are very lucky

YADNBU - I can't see what the problem is. What you're doing for your guests is amazing and anyone outside of the family not wanting the expense of travelling abroad doesn't have to go. It's not worth paying the £4K extra for what they're offering. If you can reserve a table in one of the AI restaurants for after the ceremony, then great. If not, all nip off for some food then regroup afterwards.

As it's a late wedding, might people have eaten earlier anyway? If so, find an area near a bar and enjoy the AI drinks! I hope you have a great time and all the best for married life!

Sounds very fair to me.

You are having a very small wedding and paying for close family. You aren’t formally inviting anyone else, but making it clear that they are welcome to join you if they want, and being honest about the costs they will need to cover.

It does sound a bit like a family holiday with a wedding happening at some point.

If that's what you want-great.

I couldn't think of anything worse than a holiday let alone a honeymoon with family!

If other people do come I know this will be their annual family holiday so I don't expect them to come if they don't fancy the location. That's fine.

I thought by paying the AI for everyone for a day that was enough.

I have a large extended family. If they come plus kids that's another £1500. Just to come in the hotel for the wedding. Plus another 4K for a formal "do". It's a lot of money for something that I've already paid for if you see what I mean?

Fuck it, maybe I am being unreasonable but it is what it is. People know what they are coming to.

There needs to be a meal. You can’t expect people to go abroad for your wedding and not sort food out. It doesn’t even have to be in the hotel. Just get married there and go to a cheapo restaurant / cafe and treat them.

I sometimes wonder if people only read what they want in the opening post.

Given that you will be staying in the same all inclusive resort there is no point in having an evening do. You can all just meet in the same restaurant at the same time and sit together.

Sounds fantastic to me. Ignore the naysayers. Some people can’t cope with the idea of anything other than a traditional wedding.
No one will be going hungry.

Lizzie

The ops close family/ friends have already been paid for, anyone else has the option to join them ( or not) their choice. What is odd about that!
They are not taking a pick of 5 restaurants but organising a special table at one and will have a lovely time. It sounds really special what is not to like?!

You can do whatever you want, just be very clear with people so they can choose whether to come or not, and where to stay if they do come, based on full information.

You're not being unreasonable. Why would you pay £4k for something you've already paid for by paying to go AI? It's your wedding, as long as everyone knows where they stand (and I think you're being more than generous), do what you want to do! Not everyone has to have the traditional church followed by wedding breakfast. I think your idea sounds fab!

You are having a ceremony and want to celebrate with family afterwards. It’s AI so there’s no need for a reception. For what it’s worth YANBU, and I actually think it’s a great idea. If others want to join your celebration that’s great but don’t be swayed by others. It’s your day and your choice, there is no obligation on your part IMO.

Good luck!

Glug everyone will have access to free food and drink.

Read the post!

ITS ALL INCLUSIVE AND THE OP HAS PAID FOR IT.

She is providing food and drink through the AI package. Crazy to pay more when your family and guests are already eating and drinking.

So you'll be getting married late in the day with food & drink after, but no evening reception?

Sounds fine.

I wouldn't think taht that would be the thing that stops people going if they decide to.

Presumably there's bars & entertainment about to head off to if wanted?

Glug44 - the OP is paying for any non-resident guests to have use of the all inclusive facilities for the day, that means they can have breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks and as much booze as they can manage for the day of the wedding.

If the OP doesn't want a formal meal, I can't see problem with that as the guest could spend the 10 hours prior to the late wedding filling themselves up on all inclusive

Honestly... If you have paid it as it is, there’s not much else you can do but most memories come from the party afterwards, so having none seems to me like a bad use of your money. It is not like feeding the hungry and the thirsty is about giving them and yourselves night memories. If you are not able to do that, it seems a bit silly traveling so far.

My suggestion, if you don’t want to fork out the £4000 extra is to book a table in one of the all inclusive restaurants (the one with the best music/night entertainment) and get a cake. I can assure you strangers will be so thrilled at seeing a wedding party they will make it special for you.

Don’t even think of separate day and night dos, pretty rude thing to do unless you are in Britain.

I think you need some organisation of food not just hang around the bar or you will have people going off to eat, having to have discussions that xyz want to have steak but abc want fish and the others pasta..... can’t the hotel organise a few tables or an area and do food? Weddings are a celebration - would be a shame for you and your guests to be chatting about dinner / where to see you after dinner etc.

If you are not bothered why invite them?

If it was just you two and close family (say 10 people) you would go and sit down and eat wouldn’t you? Or would everyone just pop off and do their own thing?

I cant see he point in paying extra for a buffet of what will probably be the same food as you will get on the AI, but in a different room!

Maybe ask if the hotel can arrange a special table for you all to sit togeher to give it more of a party feel but YANBU for not paying for an evening do under these circumstances as effectively you will be paying for the same meal for everyone, twice!

My friend did exactly what you did. Worked out great. Paid for guests to come and use all inclusive. Was a great night!

Sounds fab. I'd definitely see if you can reserve an area of one of the restaurants. If the hotel seems to have good customer service, ask them to add some nice things that you can bring, like balloons and Mr and Mrs signs on the back of the chair or something like that. If not, can one of your family or friends do it?

We got married abroad, but it was just the two of us. We spent the morning on the beach and by the pool before I went off to get ready and DH wandered off somewhere. We were going to go out for dinner, but ended up at the AI (not even one of the fancier restaurants) because we were so knackered with the heat and general excitement.

At the end of the day, you're getting married, ensuring everyone has access to all the food and drink imaginable at a 5* AI. You've paid for people's gorgeous holiday. What more could they want for?

I hope you have a lovely time and congratulations.
(And if you're getting married on a beach, wear your hair up otherwise it will get windswept and sweaty and not necessarily in a good way!)

If you are happy to pay for close friends and family to have a holiday on you I think you are been very generous ( even if its just a long weekend )

Why not plan something in your local pub restaurant for all the people who could not make it due to work / £££ / kids etc . This could be a quiet cosy meal or a big bash depending on cost , then you get to be a great host without the wedding stress too .