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AIBU?

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Original poster

No evening do at wedding abroad

170 replies

allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 20:42

After many weeks of deciding what is best for us we've decided to go abroad for our wedding.

We've booked a really nice hotel and a really late in the day wedding. All inclusive once in a lifetime for us type of place. It's costing a lot of money.

Close family are definitely coming. We've paid for them.

I've stressed that if other people want to come I'd be overjoyed but I understand that it will be their family holiday for that year also, so I have stressed it's going to be super casual, ie wear what your comfortable in, men will be in nice shirts and shorts and flip flops I'm in something flowy as it's going to be super hot.

Given the hotel is all inclusive, we are not going to have an evening do. Just get married and then everyone can go the bar, get food etc. To be honest we can't afford it. (We are happy with this)

Is this unreasonable do you think? People will think we are right won't they?

OP posts:
Ihatebuildabear · 07/04/2018 21:11

All Inclusive means all food and drink is included

Ihatebuildabear · 07/04/2018 21:12

Weddings are a nightmare no matter what you do! Always someone who isn't happy!

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/04/2018 21:12

You’ve paid for close family - wow! Couldn’t that same close family pay for/contribute to your evening do? It’s a lot cheaper for them than forking out for the holiday. It would be a nice gesture surely seeing as you’re probably paying that out per guest.

Original poster
allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 21:13

I wouldn't ask anyone to contribute. It's our choice to go away so the people who I absolutely want there we've paid for.

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 07/04/2018 21:13

I wouldn’t even go to a wedding in the next town if this was the set up never mind fly overseas for it .

Pixilicious · 07/04/2018 21:14

My sister's wedding was at an AI hotel, we stayed elsewhere. She paid for us to be at the hotel in the day so we had full use of the facilities and the restaurants etc.

She did book a table for everyone that was coming for a meal in the evening. Perhaps do something like that to make an event if it?

Original poster
allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 21:15

I accept some people won't want to come for this but I thought that by paying for anyone not staying in the hotel to have full AI for the whole day I was providing them with food and drink so they wouldn't have to pay a penny for food or drinks or use of the pool or spa or golf course.

OP posts:
EightdaysaweekIloveu · 07/04/2018 21:15

I don't think other posters have read your post properly. You are being very generous paying for your family in an all inclusive resort. As Upover said just make it very clear if other guests are coming and not staying at the resort know exactly what is happening. I'm sure once you are at the resort they will accommodate an area for you for the evening.

Enjoy your wedding.

Snail96 · 07/04/2018 21:17

I think this is perfectly fine.
Weddings are about 2 people in love celebrating with their close family and friends. If you don’t want a huge faff that’s your choice. People who aren’t directly invited shouldn’t expect to be paid for. That’s not why you go to a wedding.

hibbledibble · 07/04/2018 21:17

Surely you will have a meal as part of the all inclusive?

That sounds fine.

I would just be cautious about inviting others who you haven't paid for: pre warn them about exactly what to expect so they can decide if they want to travel for it.

EightdaysaweekIloveu · 07/04/2018 21:17

I would probably keep it to family to avoid any people getting upset.

DanceDisaster · 07/04/2018 21:17

I think it sounds fine. It doesn’t sound like the traditional wedding that a lot of people are used to though. I think you need to be clear when you invite people and then it’s totally up to them if they fancy it or not. As long as you do that then I really don’t see the problem.

Americantan · 07/04/2018 21:19

What would you get for the extra £4K?

EightdaysaweekIloveu · 07/04/2018 21:19

bimbobaggins you did read the OP'a original post? She is paying for their families holiday in an all inclusive resort!

Original poster
allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 21:20

Ok for anyone joining and not reading the whole thread. I will try to be absolutely clear.

We are paying for close family to stay in a five star spa and golf hotel all inclusive.

For anyone not staying at this hotel we will pay for them to come in on the wedding day and have full use of the AI. Food drinks spa golf. Late wedding so they may want to come in and have a few treatments or play a round of golf beforehand.

We get married and have a few drinks. All paid for. No one has to put their hand in their pocket.

But no sit down meal planned as everyone has access to the AI choice of five restaurants so we may have to reserve a table for this.

OP posts:
Original poster
allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 21:21

For the extra 4K we get a private dining area, the same food but just not the selection you'd have if you went to one of the restaurants on site, it would be ore agreed. Same wine and same cocktails.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 07/04/2018 21:22

If other people want to come that's up to them. But you won't be providing them with any food or drink. If that's the case make sure they know the score. So are they invited or not? So these other people are folk you don't really care whether they come or not. But they need to care enough to make the effort to attend a wedding abroad. Confused

user1474652148 · 07/04/2018 21:22

If this was my wedding I would be arranging a special table with flowers and candles and all the lovely things you would hope for. This doesn’t need to cost much (if anything) candles and handmade place cards. Ask for a beautiful spot overlooking the sea/ mountains whenever you are.
Why not organise a glass of champagne or your favourite tipple for the toast.
This day can be very special with a few touches added to your ai package

Original poster
allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 21:23

I am providing them with food and drink. I'm paying for them to have this AI all day

OP posts:
Tinkobell · 07/04/2018 21:24

Sounds great to me! Those that don't want to come won't come right. It's AI, get some bubbly and a cake around a nice big table. You might all end up on the beach. Oh sounds so good, lucky you &'congrats!! !

Original poster
allthegoodnameshadgone · 07/04/2018 21:24

Thank you user great idea. I will take table touches etc. And pre book a table at one of the restaurants xx

OP posts:
Pardalis · 07/04/2018 21:24

Sounds like a really good idea to me!

user1474652148 · 07/04/2018 21:25

I think it sounds lovely. Can I have an invite please?

Viviennemary · 07/04/2018 21:25

OK I understand now I think. People coming will get free food and drink for the day. But they'll still be paying for quite an expensive holiday. Make sure they absolutely know what they're getting so there will be no misunderstandings.

bimbobaggins · 07/04/2018 21:26

So if everyone who is coming is getting full use of the all inclusive, ie fed and watered I don’t understand the aibu.? Surely there’s no issue.

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