No evening do at wedding abroad

[allthegoodnameshadgone]

After many weeks of deciding what is best for us we've decided to go abroad for our wedding.

We've booked a really nice hotel and a really late in the day wedding. All inclusive once in a lifetime for us type of place. It's costing a lot of money.

Close family are definitely coming. We've paid for them.

I've stressed that if other people want to come I'd be overjoyed but I understand that it will be their family holiday for that year also, so I have stressed it's going to be super casual, ie wear what your comfortable in, men will be in nice shirts and shorts and flip flops I'm in something flowy as it's going to be super hot.

Given the hotel is all inclusive, we are not going to have an evening do. Just get married and then everyone can go the bar, get food etc. To be honest we can't afford it. (We are happy with this)

Is this unreasonable do you think? People will think we are right won't they?

Sounds like it will be lovely if the hotel can arrange you a group table in a nice corner of a restaurant.

Do you have any idea of how many people may come over and stay elsewhere? I'm airline crew and we sometimes pay to go to naice all inclusive places for a day's all inclusive and it usually works out around £80 - just to use facilities and free bars/restaurants. It could quickly mount up..

Stitch - I'm saying to people

This is what we are doing, it would be great if you can come, understand if you can't

I admit I've not read the full thread.... but.... it's your wedding. If you're clear from the start what you are and are not including for your guests then let them make that choice. Don't bend to what you think you should do - if people want to attend and it's not in your budget to provide for them, then don't. I didn't. And they all turned up. Good luck and have a wonderful wedding and holiday x

Womberton just for you

Ok for anyone joining and not reading the whole thread. I will try to be absolutely clear.

We are paying for close family to stay in a five star spa and golf hotel all inclusive.

For anyone not staying at this hotel we will pay for them to come in on the wedding day and have full use of the AI. Food drinks spa golf. Late wedding so they may want to come in and have a few treatments or play a round of golf beforehand.

We get married and have a few drinks. All paid for. No one has to put their hand in their pocket.

But no sit down meal planned as everyone has access to the AI choice of five restaurants so we may have to reserve a table for this.

I had a similar wedding in that we paid for the people we wanted there. They had 10 days AI somewhere beautiful. In honesty, you will need to reserve somewhere to eat together. If not, who would pay to take their holiday to not even have a meal together. Where will they all get changed? Particularly if they are using the pool etc.
The hotel must have something that doesn’t cost 4K unless you are saying there are absolutely loads coming.
Maybe have a brides lunch with all the sisters etc and the guys have a separate one? Then have drinks in the evening.
We got married at 4 and we booked the a la Carte restaurant and a wedding singer.
It really really depends on how many guests there could be.

It would appear that weddings are a pain in the arse for everyone lol.

Thank you everyone who has bothered to contribute to this thread.

It's been great to read and I know some people who come will think it's great and some will think it's shit. I suppose it will just depend on the day itself.

I'm doing nothing formally so there is les to go wrong. It still will probably.

Thanks mumsnet for all your comments.

I've had a gin now I've been running round all day. I'm glad it's booked.

We can sort out the finer details later on.

And sigh ......

I'm a bit pissed now I love the difference of opinion from everyone and we are all prob from really different circumstances.
That's great.

I would not be happy paying to come to a wedding away and not getting food and drink.

Have you even bothered reading anything other than the title of the thread?

Aw thanks Simon

Sounds great to me.

I'm just back from an AI weekend with the dc (we live abroad & occasionally bugger off to the coast to a reasonably fancy touristy place for a few days; AI works well for me with 3dc).

There was a wedding party at the same hotel, & they were well looked after. Nice table flowers & ice buckets for decent booze - which I'm guessing someone had brought out! - at every meal.

They seemed to be having a blast, honestly. I'd have been very happy to attend.

I'm not having a formal do. I'm happy for people in the hotel to join our celebrations. Why wouldn't I be. I've met some great people that way.

Just make it clear on the invitations what's going to happen. They can decide to come or not come. No one should choose to take offence.

500 days to transform my body. New thread lol

It won't catch on lol

Initially I thought you were BU but I’ve changed my mind. I think if your phrased it correctly to the non-close family, then it’s up to them to make the decision.

@allthegoodnameshadgone I did read that, and I did read about those you provided for....just also know how much of a pain it is when people expect more. What you have planned (RTFT)sounds lovely, and even if I was guest in another hotel, to be invited to someone's day is a privilege and I wouldn't expect to be over compensated for it. I've chosen to attend destination weddings at my own expense because I want to. Your day sounds lovely and the fact you are willing to pay for 'outsiders' for use of the facilities should be more than enough. You and your DH to be sound very thoughtful

Thanks wombatron.

There have been loads of posts I've wanted to tag people in for yays nd nays but I'm doing it off my phone so I can't work out how to.

Thanks for your comments. Thanks for everyone's comments.

I think we we just see if people book on. If they do, more than 20 we will book something extra if not we won't.

If more than 20 book on I'm not sure what we wil do. I'm obv expecting a v.small wedding.

Swings and roundabouts it will all work out

The day sounds perfect to me OP. Who needs all that formality? It's important to focus on why you're getting married and not all that 'should do this, should do that stuff'.

Enjoy the planning!

eightdays - not paying for the friends

lill would you read the fucking thread. She is paying for the friends to spend the day at her resort if they aren’t already staying there anyway.

ALL FOOD. ALL ALCOHOL. USE OF ALL THE FACILITIES

FFS. Read the thread or shut up.

Like pps, I actually think I’d far prefer this sort of wedding. I always think the disco is usually the worst part. A nice meal in one of the restaurants and cocktails by the pool sounds so much nicer. Can I come please?

It sounds fabulous and I wish I were part of your wedding party OP. Have a great day and holiday

My only concern would be that there seems to 3 tiers of guests:
Tier 1 - the people who you really really want there and who you are paying for the whole holiday for
Tier 2 - the people who you'd quite like there who will stay at a different hotel and who you will pay for AI for at your hotel for the wedding day
Tier 3 - the people who you'd quite like there who will stay at your AI hotel, paid for themselves, and so who are is essence paying for their own meal/drinks at your wedding

Can I come OP? It sounds lovely! I’ve got my flipflops at the ready, I am so over Winter!

I got married in a very posh hotel in a med resort. 25 guests. We didn't pay for everyone to stay there. It wasn't AI but we had the ceremony at 2pm. Champagne and canapés after and an area in the bar sectioned off until 7pm when we had exclusive use of the restaurant and a 3 course meal. I paid the hotel to decorate the room for me. We paid for everyone's food, half a bottle of wine per person and corkage on extra booze we'd bought in which the hotel didn't supply. We didn't provide any entertainment and nobody minded.

If your paying for everyone who isn't staying there to use the AI on the day I think you are being very generous!

I now live in the med in a resort very popular for weddings. One of my favourite restaurants here is in a hotel that does loads of weddings and it's like a conveyor belt and you see different wedding parties getting ushered about so they can get the next one in. It seems intrusive. I am glad we had exclusive use of some of the areas of the hotel.

Also I had lots of guests doing shorter stays in nearby cheaper accommodation. It cost them less than some uk weddings do as they didn't have hen and stag dos or posh clothes or presents to fork out for and most were glad we hadn't gone transatlantic!