No evening do at wedding abroad

[allthegoodnameshadgone]

After many weeks of deciding what is best for us we've decided to go abroad for our wedding.

We've booked a really nice hotel and a really late in the day wedding. All inclusive once in a lifetime for us type of place. It's costing a lot of money.

Close family are definitely coming. We've paid for them.

I've stressed that if other people want to come I'd be overjoyed but I understand that it will be their family holiday for that year also, so I have stressed it's going to be super casual, ie wear what your comfortable in, men will be in nice shirts and shorts and flip flops I'm in something flowy as it's going to be super hot.

Given the hotel is all inclusive, we are not going to have an evening do. Just get married and then everyone can go the bar, get food etc. To be honest we can't afford it. (We are happy with this)

Is this unreasonable do you think? People will think we are right won't they?

Ate you saying your guests will have access to all inclusive food and drink? If so then I don't see why you would pay for extra food and drink? Depends what the all inclusive food is like and if your timings fit in with the hotels timings.

Ah Crosspost, that is ok then!

It may aswell be in fucking Maui the price we've paid.

It's two weeks in a five star AI with a spa and golf course. As I said we've paid for close family and for us and obviously the kids. Who are well under 18 but slightly too told to class for child places.

There will be twenty people max. It's another 4K for a separate evening do.

Will the AI seriously not accommodate your group having a place to yourselves as part of the all inclusive? Really?

We went to an AI as a group once (about 25 of us) and they provided a separate dining facility where we could all sit together for the dinner (and hang out afterwards if we wanted, but generally there was something better to do).

It sounds lovely. Have a great day x

Loads of mixed opinions here.

I take it this is somewhere like the Caribbean where everyone is likely to be on AL?

YANBU. The whole holiday is one big long wedding party so who needs an evening so? It sounds amazing.

I'd check with the hotel though they might be able to provide you with something cool like a table on the beach for your meal

Sorry, x-post. What would the evening do offer you for 4k above and beyond what is included in the AI, apart from a separate room?

My db got married abroad and just paid for the wedding, their hotel, travel and honeymoon. All guests paid their own travel, accommodation and meal at the ‘reception’. I think they provided a couple of bottles of wine for the table not that I saw any but nobody complained. I think anyone who did mind didn’t go.

On the other hand, I’m getting married abroad later this year and we’ll be paying for the entire day with an open bar for our guests but I’m not as tight as dB in a different financial situation to my dB.

I think it would be nice to offer at least a drink on you and your dh but I think its more important that everyone understands your arrangements before they commit to attending.

It sounds fantastic. I’d just make sure it’s perfectly clear to other possible guests what you are doing and also that there is no pressure at all if they can’t make it.

Will you have a UK party for friends who can’t make it?

I would contact the hotel again and say you only want to book with them if they will provide a separate room for your guests after the wedding, and you will pay no more than $x for that.

They are unlikely to run down a large booking for the sake of this.

Then I would pay for the food for any guests who weren't staying at your hotel.

What does “all inclusive” mean?

YANBU. You have invited the people who matter to you, and given information to those you'd like to join you. It may work for some, and not for others, but it's an invitation not a summons.

Sounds ok to the people you are paying for (close family). I hope you are not inviting anyone else, otherwise MN will be full of posts calling you CF. I would be pretty pissed off of any of my friends effectively tried to dictate where I will spend my holidays, and chose an expensive hotel. And no anount of careful wording of the invitations would placate me.

I don't get why you're inviting other people at all. Just have the close family then. Or get married here and have a late afternoon wedding and then a buffet.

Absolutely no way would I travel abroad for anyone's wedding if that was the deal! If you can't afford it don't invite anyone.

So we will be paying for an open bar as part of the fee to attend the wedding in our hotel. We will also be having drinks afterwards. They will have full all inclusive for the day. (If they are staying somewhere else)

But no sit down meal as such.

It sounds fine to me, people don't have to come, you're not expecting people to, just inviting them if they want/can.
Why don't you see if you can book a table/small area in the evening so you are all sat together, take some banners/balloons. It makes perfect sense to eat/drink the All Inclusive stuff.
Are you having cake? Providing cake and a couple of bottles of fizz would make it more special.

I would think it would be okay...as long as you do not invite a single person for whom you are not paying.

YANBU, if you’re paying for them to have all inclusive for the day that’s fine, just check that it will last after midnight if the wedding is late (so all inclusive running from noon till noon IYSWIM). And ask for a table to be reserved for you.

The only thing I would think would be worth getting additionally would be a cake. Presumably there would be dancing and stuff? It sounds lovely tbh.

Can you def only stay in the resort AI? Just thinking if someone stays bed and breakfast it’ll be difficult. Can you even pay separately for AI for one day?

I can totally see what you are saying and I think it's fine. Everyone will be on all inclusive so you don't need to provide anything else.

We are getting married on a cruise and have invited people. We know most people won't come and we don't mind. We just didn't want them to feel that they couldn't come. We won't be having a seperate meal we will just go to the dining room and have a lovely meal after getting married. Although we will be paying for the drink a that night.

Yes cake yes champagne yes paying for anyone who is not staying at the hotel to have the open bar and all of the all inclusive options at the hotel.

If they're having food and drink in evening as part of the AI that you've paid for then you are providing food and drinks... don't see the problem. Just go to a restaurant /bar together and carry on the party

Just nothing formal.

I thought going abroad would be the easiest option lol. How wrong was I