No evening do at wedding abroad

[allthegoodnameshadgone]

After many weeks of deciding what is best for us we've decided to go abroad for our wedding.

We've booked a really nice hotel and a really late in the day wedding. All inclusive once in a lifetime for us type of place. It's costing a lot of money.

Close family are definitely coming. We've paid for them.

I've stressed that if other people want to come I'd be overjoyed but I understand that it will be their family holiday for that year also, so I have stressed it's going to be super casual, ie wear what your comfortable in, men will be in nice shirts and shorts and flip flops I'm in something flowy as it's going to be super hot.

Given the hotel is all inclusive, we are not going to have an evening do. Just get married and then everyone can go the bar, get food etc. To be honest we can't afford it. (We are happy with this)

Is this unreasonable do you think? People will think we are right won't they?

OP friends of ours did this on the Gold Coast. The hotel was genuinely beautiful, the location and food and wedding were perfection and still people managed to moan. We flew with DS1 and turned it into a holiday/tour and loved every moment.

I tend to think the guests who genuinely love you will just smile and enjoy the day. The ones with faces like smacked arses because it wasn't what they'd have chosen can do one; you'll never please everyone even if you try.

Have an incredible day, it sounds as though it'll be perfect.

If you've paid for them to come AI then I think it's fine. So nobody will have to pay for drinks etc?
I would still ask the bar to let you reserve an area or something though.

It all sounds fine to me. Not everyone wants a big wedding at home. We got married abroad as I have lost both my parents and couldn't face a big wedding without them. Our wedding sounds very similar to yours. Mumsnet has a problem with overseas weddings I have noticed!

I think you need to stop saying 'no sit down meal' as people are thinking (because they are being deliberately thick!!) that you are not feeding your guests!!! You ARE giving your guests a 'sit down meal'! What you MEAN is not the TRADITIONAL 'everyone eats the same roast chicken dinner wedding dinner'! Your guests will get to CHOOSE (and YOU WILL PAY!) from a range of lovely 5* menus that the hotel will offer them on the day!

FFS it's not that difficult to understand 🙄

I would love this personally...a fabulous holiday, get to celebrate a friend's wedding one day half way through, come back with a tan! What's not to love? Enjoy your day 👰🎩💐

OP
It would appear that weddings are a pain in the arse for everyone lol.

I love this statement from the OP 😂.

I think it's mostly only on Mumsnet that they are a pain though. I've never been to one that's a pain in real life.

It sounds fine. Presume the naysayers have not been to an AI and so can't envision how it will work.

Providing you can book a table in one of the restaurants it will be great.

Don’t stress it and ignore the flamers! You seem to be being relaxed and fair about it, you have paid for those closest to you and anyone else who wants to come along is just a bonus for you, you are not pressurising anyone to come, you seem to understand that some will not come, I don’t think you can be any fairer, it’s your day and I wish you all the best for it xxxx (it’s the bridezillas who expect/demand their friends spend huge amounts of money and sacrifice their precious holidays to be at their destination wedding and become unreasonably angry at those that won’t/can’t, from your posts, you are certainly not one of these!)

I think it sounds great! So much snobbery around weddings on MN. I think I would offer champagne for everyone at one point though as a wedding toast.

I don’t know if the comments about MN hating weddings abroad / wedding snobbery are strictly true.

I think most people just prefer it when the B&G give more of a shit about making their guests comfortable than they do about being a star / pwincess / sleb for the day. That’s why I think the op’s wedding sounds fab! She’s doing it her way but also being really considerate. Some brides post on here and sound like they don’t even like their guests, they just see them as extras in / an audience for their big day, which is really unattractive imo.

Obviously some people, both online and irl, will be snobby or rigid about weddings abroad / having children at weddings etc, but I don’t think it’s particularly rife on MN.

I think it sounds great

Food covered, drinks covered, throw in a cake and you're sorted

Sounds lovely to me op. Can I come if I promise to be good?

My word! You have the patience of a saint, OP. So many people not rtft.

I think it sounds great! I would be happy to go to a wedding like that. And would be chuffed to either be paid for or have the AI day paid for me.

Have a fabulous time!

Sounds great. Just think you r wording it wrong by saying there is no sit down meal. U r paying for all to go all inclusive for the day.

Think it's a bit off for the hotel to charge so much for a separate area. Just make a reservation in the nicest of the restaurants so u can all eat together and do everyone isn't eating in different places

I don’t think YABU. If it’s all inclusive then you can all have a meal and drinks together without spending extra. You do need to pay for a meal for any additional guests though but I do t think it’s unreasonable for them to get their own drinks.

It's your wedding, the only people you need to please are you and your partner. I wish you well and hope your day goes wonderful and enjoy the great future that's ahead of you both.

Haven’t rtft, so apologies if I’ve missed anything.

I got married abroad, we were married late in the day and we had a sort of mini reception after (on a boat, so a meal and some drinks for a couple of hours)
After that we got a bus back to our hotel and people were welcome to stay out with us and have drinks, or go their own way.
It worked out really well, we had a separate reception when we came home.
I think at the very least you need to buy the guests food afterwards. If your hotel is all inclusive, are you able to buy inclusive wristbands for your guests for the day? We’ve done that before on holiday when friends have come to visit our hotel for the day and it really wasn’t expensive at all, have a word with the hotel and see what they say, they may even offer a discount.

Oops totally stupid for not rtft!

If you’re getting all the guest AI then that’s fab and no need to do anything else!
Is it possible to book one of the AI restaurants so you can all sit down together, or are you preferring the more relaxed option of guests choosing where they eat and drink?
Sounds lovely.

I think it is absolutely fine, and indeed sounds fun and generous, but I wouldn't invite people who are not part of the paid for wedding party.

The only thing I would advise having been with a large group at an AI is that you make sure that you pre-reserve tables for everyone at the time that works for you all.

We initially had a problem where it was really hard to get a table for more than 4 at anything like a sensible time, which is why in the end they agreed to give us the separate room at no extra charge.

Hi OP, a little late as i read this over the weekend but couldn't log in.

Having planned, booked and organised my DSD's overseas wedding in an AI in Mexico last June, I only wanted to add:

1. Make sure the hotel will give you a dedicated area if you DO all want to eat together. Many won't do that unless you pay for it as part of the wedding package. DSD's package included a "use the AI in a private room" option, which we used for a farewell dinner.

1. Ask yourself if you will miss the 'private party' bit just a few more times before you decide. It's entirely your shout, but having seen so many deflated brides in AIs over the years - they have a lovely ceremony then it all just becomes 'business as usual' for the staff - we really pushed DSD to do a private reception (we were paying anyway).

1. Take or order some decorations to make it more personal if you can afford it. We did the full-on flowers/decoration/colour scheme for DSD, but the personal things I had made (some hand-painted maracas and some personalised fans) are her most treasured mementos.

1. Enjoy it! DSD's wedding party was only the 3 sets of parents, her brother & partner and a friend, and we had a lovely time. The ceremony was on a pier as the sun set and the reception was relaxed and fun. Some lovely memories, that I hope you also build.