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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be worried about this woman

189 replies

Cheekylittlenumber · 07/04/2018 13:40

DH is a SAHP to our two children, one being a toddler. He has lots of mum friends but is particularly close to one who lives nearby.

She's attractive, flirty and a lot of fun. I hang out with her too and enjoy her company.

Last summer it came out that she had an emotional affair with another dad (not a SAHP but someone who worked part time) It seemed to be lots of deep stuff- texting about his relationship, hoe unhappy he was, how beautiful she was etc. Nothing physically happened but it was definitely a EA.

I can't stop thinking about the guys wife. She has two small kids and works full time, and her circumstances are EXACTLY the same as me and DH.

I trust DH 100% but I feel
Uneasy about them spending time alone (well, with toddlers around!) I know nothing would ever happen, but just the thought of him being attracted to her physically and emotionally makes me feel so low.

Please tell me I'm being ridiculous. I work with lots of men so I know it's ridiculous. They whatsapp a lot and see each other pretty much every day and I'm so worried history will repeat itself, DH is very attractive and kind, etc, but not at all flirty in any way.

OP posts:
PutTheChocEggDown · 07/04/2018 17:51

I tend to think trust your instincts with these kinds of things OP. I don't think she will actually leave her marriage by the sounds of things, she just enjoys the attention BUT she does sound capable of turning your DH's head to satisfy her vanity. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. If you are both at the snappish, exhausted stage with a young baby it would be easy for him to focus on how 'fun' and 'sexy' she is, rather than dealing with the realities of parenthood and marriage.

There is a woman I know who makes me uneasy. She is a single parent and our DC play together. I know my DH is sometimes a bit too kind for his own good and I have quite bluntly told him to be wary of this particular woman. I like her in a general way and in other circumstances we could be friends but there is something about her that makes me keep her at arm's length. I tend to trust my instincts with these things. Women read other women in ways that men simply can't.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 07/04/2018 17:53

She's married. Blimey, where is her DH in all this?

Juells · 07/04/2018 17:53

Hang on....married? Why isn't her husband collecting her?

RandomWordsStuckTogether · 07/04/2018 17:57

I personally feel sorry for anyone who trusts their partner 100%. Fools the lot of you.

I've never, to my knowledge, been cheated on, but I feel exactly the same way.

I don't trust anyone 100%. Except my dad.

sockunicorn · 07/04/2018 18:00

i wouldnt feel comfortable with it :(. maybe have a word with DH and tell him how you feel. if he appreciates your predicament he may distance himself.

sockunicorn · 07/04/2018 18:00

i dont trust anyone 100% for those in that debate

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 18:00

I don’t think you’re the problem in the least op,she sounds hard work and your dp doesn’t completely help with tasks and feeds
However,you can’t police or control his social contacts whom he sees inc her
Suggestion that you warn her off.It’s risible.

What you can attempt to influence & control is dual parenting and him sharing tasks to work as team
You can ask he be more attentive to you, share the tasks

You really shouldn’t live by what ifs and maybes regard his behaviour
If she’s going to cheat,he’ll cheat.and you won’t prevent it by being fraught

You can’t control her, but if she is so toxic limit the socially interaction you have with her
You don’t need To fake being her mate or feign interest
If you find her coarse or tiresome about her sex life simply repeatedly change the topic - she’ll get the hint

EweDoEwe · 07/04/2018 18:01

I personally feel sorry for anyone who trusts their partner 100%. Fools the lot of you

I’d have to agree with this. I trust my DH 99% because up until now he’s never given me a reason not to.

But staying up on the off chance the flirty next door neighbour might need a lift home, while refusing to help with night feeds for the baby so I could get some sleep.

Nah, alarm bells ringing.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 18:03

Why isn’t her dp picking her up?where is he in all of this

lovemylover · 07/04/2018 18:05

Any man can be tempted, even those whose wives say, their husband would never stray,
It doesnt mean because they are not flirty types they can be trusted 100%
Some of the quietest and seemingly happily married ones are not immune to a bit of flattery and female attention,and can be drawn in by a manipulating woman,
I would somehow discourage this friendship, and not see more of her than neccessary ,i think shes after your dh
I also had a "friend" like this once

FlakyToast · 07/04/2018 18:09

If you don’t trust your husband 100% then what’s the point in being married to them.

Because you like them? Confused

Trusting someone 100% doesn't mean someone isn't a cheater, or that they wouldn't cheat Hmm half of people cheat. People always say things like that as though it's relevant. Lots of people trust a partner then they cheat. And lots of people are naturally suspicious of everyone they meet.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 18:10

I’m not daft, can partners be tempted?yes of course.it happens
Does that mean you have a default of mistrust in your relationship?no
If it happens I’ll deal with it.but no I’ll not think about the what ifs or be sus

JustVent · 07/04/2018 18:17

What the fuck?

Nope and nope and all the nopes.

He is staying up in case she needs a lift home when he could be using that time to help you with feeds?

Fuck that.

OP I was in a similar position but not quite as in-depth. A very very good friend of mine fancied DH (or at least that’s how it appeared, I could have been wrong) and whilst I really like her, she has no morals when it comes to married men given her past.
I do trust DH but if we were to go through a bad patch could I trust him 100%? Honestly, I don’t know.
As others have said, can anyone trust a spouse 100%? I’m not sure.

Anyway, I explained how shit it was making me feel and rightly or wrongly he understood and took my feelings into consideration and decided not to go to hers and fix all the things that she decided she needed my DH (and non of her male friends) to do.

Your DH knows exactly what’s going on and he threw the nappy because he’s been caught out.

Like I said, all the hopes and it needs nipping in the bud.

ClownPockets · 07/04/2018 18:22

I trust my OH but I wouldn't be happy with this relationship at all. Sounds to me like she's desperate for male attention and if you and DH are currently snarky, tired parents of a new baby, this is just the sort of time to be wary of her pouncing. If he's kind as you say he is, he'll be kind to you and respect your feelings.

Off you fuck, EA bint

MarvelleGazelle · 07/04/2018 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/04/2018 18:24

Is the woman married/in a relationship?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 18:25

Yes,Op said she is married

Tattybogle89 · 07/04/2018 18:25

Not a chance I’d put up with this, I think
It’s making you look a mug to be honesr

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 18:28

Mug you say?oh in that case get the neighbour give her a doin and ban dp seeing her
Would that settle it for you?bit of oi no one look at my man and gets away with it..I ain’t no mug

Moominfan · 07/04/2018 18:35

I wouldn't like it. If you were to say it though then it's like your the bad guy as nothing has happened

SmileyBird · 07/04/2018 18:37

she does sound capable of turning your DH's head to satisfy her vanity

Yep.

And I was on the fence till I read that she had actually texted him that she had booked a taxi and he stayed up JUST IN CASE she changed her mind. WTF?!

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/04/2018 18:39

Thanks lipstick couldn't find that bit. Wtf does her husband have to say about her behaviour?

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 18:40

Well,indeed

Personalsituations99 · 07/04/2018 18:51

Nope just nope!

JustVent · 07/04/2018 18:55

Lipstickhandbagcoffee your posts are confusing me.

What are you saying?

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