8 day old baby...

[guierrla]

i've seen that a woman i know has gone off for a night down town 8 days after giving birth!! aibu to think that this is crazy?!?!

"I don't think it looks good on a woman to be out on the town that soon after birth."

Anyone who lives their life based upon what other people think "looks good" is in for a miserable existence.

Motherhood is unfortunately a state of perpetually being judged

I need a mug with this on. So, so true.

I presume the baby has two parents? And the other one is looking after it?

I wouldn’t have had the will or the energy, but if you do then crack on.

I didn’t even leave the house alone for ten months due to a Velcro baby and absolutely zero family support. I’ll admit to a slight envy of those with close family networks who can get someone to mind the baby while they do stuff.

The only person I’ve been really annoyed at was the one who told me she never got to go out any more either when I mentioned DH and I were having our first night out after 14 months. She has family falling over themselves to help her out and is out twice a week. Which is fine and good for her but somewhat insensitive to moan about it to someone who has none of that.

Oh look a goady thread started by a new poster.

Mumsnet had this narrative that the only proper way to have a baby is to feel utterly awful for weeks afterwards, "leaking everywhere" (very hot on leaking, Mumsnet), unable to do anything but "bond" with the baby (who they must be in direct contact with at all times) incapable of having visitors and needing to have their every whim indulged.

Some women do have a hard time post birth. But many many don't. And it's fine to feel fine.

Ha! Too true Bertrand.

My cousin went clubbing two days after a csection! I was more shocked she had the energy.

She's been on Mum duty for 9 months already, if she's able and baby is with daddy or someone appropriate then I hope she had a fun night

Good for her, I couldn't have done it after DD but I was ready to party 24 hours after having DS, I felt totally back to normal.

Why shouldn't a new mother go out, I bet the new father 'wet the baby's head' with his mates, what's the difference?

Actually, I'd like a few women like this to come on Mumsnet to temper the gloom a bit. I went to a quiz night when dd was 10 days old. I had to take her with me because I was bf, but if I had been ff I would have left her with her other parent.

It’s not gloom :) it’s just different women having different experiences.

If you’re perky enough and have help to go out then that’s fabulous. I was still really sore from a c section that hit complications, five days in hospital, then a cautious walk clinging to the pram was about as much as I could manage for two weeks. No family help so no chance of going anywhere anyway.

Can't see a problem.

"It’s not gloom smile it’s just different women having different experiences."

That's what it should be, but it isn't! Some experiences are more acceptable than others. As can be seen on this thread.

Well woop de fucking woo

Bertrand - you’ve nailed the mumsnet narrative on having a baby there. Particularly “incapable of having visitors and needing to have their every whim indulged”. Oh my God do I find that crap tedious.

It is fine to be fine. Some women are and some other women need to deal with it.

Four days after my section I made my husband walk to a little restaurant up the road for a pizza and a cocktail. My boys were in nicu and I thought it might cheer us up / provide some normality. Took me 15 minutes to walk the usually three mins there, nearly 30 mins to walk back, and I spent most of the time crying into my mojito and we decided to go home.

I can’t imagine having a fun night out a week after birth but then I can’t imagine having a straightforward birth and taking your baby home in the first week so what do I know?

Yes,the new mum is goddess who must be propped on pillows and not disturbed as she lactates,bonds and baby wears. There will be a competitive narrative over who leaked or oozed or dripped the most. Ooh I filled three huge pads a minute
Yea? Well I leaked a litre watching this morning
I couldn't wear a dress for 4 years my boobs were so engorged
As true motherhood is measured in ml don’t you know.

If anyone dare to visit tell them to jog on (in particular his mum). There must be no distraction or external contacts only mum & baby bonding.
If amazon or postie ring the door they’re imposing themselves upon you.

Motherhood measured in ml and martyrdom
So hell ,someone actually just like,getting on and getting out= bad mother

I wonder sometimes if post partum is the only time some women in a misogynist society feel powerful, important and listened to.

Yes I think you're onto something BertrandRussell
Hence why stretching motherhood into sahm and wife work and perpetual tasks is seen as good thing. A defined role
A discrete set of tasks only the Mother can do. See it a lot on mn, the dp who can’t change,watch his kids. The dp who is a £££ high flyer (they all are) but cannot buy his own clothes,or open and read correspondence or schedule events like parent evening in his diary.

I hardly felt powerful or listened to after birth. I felt sore. And shattered. And a bit shocked. Go and have a look at the recent birth injury threads - about as much empowerment as a ten watt bulb on there - women belittled, consent not taken, forced into births they dont want and injured for life because of it. Empowered? Not bloody likely.

Some have easy births, some don’t. Some people have close families they can’t wait to have round. Others want a bit of time line with their baby, and/or have families who would just be stressful, demanding and make things a bit shit.

I doubt any of them are sitting around plotting how they can be precious and pampered (being winched out of bed with a hip to hip wound and three litres of blood down hardly felt like pampering..) they’re just reacting To their circumstances. The idea that women are treated like pampered goddesses at frankly ANY point of the child-bearing process is laughable. You’re treated like a vessel when you’re pregnant, and judged in perpetuity thereafter for every fucking thing over breast/bottle, sling/pushchair blw/just feeding them. What you feed them, how you dress them, absolutely bloody everything.

I went away to a hen party for a weekend when DS was 6 days old.
He’s still alive.

My eyebrows always raise when someone posts about their H wanting his parents to come to the hospital or home after the baby has been born or similar and posters pipe up with " he doesn't get a say as he didn't push a small human out of his vagina "

I’ve never pushed a small human out my vagina either
And that’s a whole other competitive thing, mode of delivery
I’m aware under not a proper mutha theory This potentially makes me too posh to push/beholden to medical model/didn’t try hard enough

I felt great after having ds2!

So great in fact we went out for tea the next day... he came too but just slept.

I couldn't have left him for long as ebf but unlike ds1 he doesn't cluster feed all evening so i did have a night out to the theatre when he was 7 weeks. He slept the whole time i was out!

He's now 3 months and sleeps all night so contemplating a proper night out.

Each to their own, as long as shes not drunkenly co-sleeping and can parent the next day then i hope she had a bloody good time! So judgey!

I could've easily done that if I had been bottle feeding. Couldn't have been arsed, mind you, but certainly would have been physically up to it. We actually did go to a friend's afternoon party when I was 8 days pp with DS1. I enjoyed it and he kipped on my lap the entire time.

I hope she enjoyed herself.

It would be the last thing on my mind to have a night out 8 days after having a baby but a lot of men have been doing this for a long time wetting the babies head has become a night out rather than a quick swift one with the father to celebrate the birth and no body bats an eyelid.