8 day old baby...

[guierrla]

i've seen that a woman i know has gone off for a night down town 8 days after giving birth!! aibu to think that this is crazy?!?!

So of the 192 hours that the baby has been born, you have issue with the mother taking what, 5-6 hours to herself?

Well fair fucks to her.

Im a bit fed up of the attitude that a women who leaves her new baby with a responsible care giver (presumably the baby's father or close familiar member of the child is so young) is somehow neglectful because she's not wringing her hands in guilt because she's making an attempt to feel like herself again.

I think it would be much more more cause for concern if this lady was like another poster I read about earlier, who was too anxious to leave her three month old with her husband for any period of time.

Great post dinosaurkisses,was going post but you’ve covered it
And Well fair fucks to her great expression I’ll probably shamelessly steal it.

“I don't think it looks good on a woman to be out on the town that soon after birth”

Well who gives a frilly fuck about that? Maybe she doesn’t feel that her raison d'être is to live her life according to what some nosy bastards approve of.

Who’d be a woman eh?

You haven't stated why you think it's 'crazy', so how could we possibly know whether you're BU or not?

Has she left the child in a sling, hanging on the back of her bedroom door?

Has she taken the child with her in a designer handbag?

Is it being babysat by a stray nursing dog?

Much more info needed I'm afraid...

Well who gives a frilly fuck about that?
This is a thread that nails it

At that point I was still bleeding profusely and I can’t think of anything worse than going out wearing two big fat maternity pads to catch my post partum bleeding.

But, everyone does what they want to. As long as baby is well cared for and she doesn’t make herself ill, let it be.

I’d prob judge though

Can't think of anything worse. It wouldn't be for me, there's plenty of time to get back out on the town but 8 days pp probably isn't the best idea.

Why though? Genuine question btw, not being stroppy.

The woman obviously feels well enough in herself and confident enough to leave her baby with someone she trusts, whether that's the baby's other parent or someone very close to her.

It may not be 'the best idea' for some people, but for others (depending on circumstance) it'll be the perfect idea.

Motherhood is unfortunately a state of perpetually being judged

Duck, on what basis would you judge?

Your own personal experience or some other reason?

Mn can have a v mc prism on life,that postpartum= being a goddess propped on sofa
Not going out,no frippery,in a zen like state radiating motherhood and eschewing previous life
How dare any woman who’s a mutha goddess do anything that’s not maternal or moist

Why is it crazy?

Did the child only have one parent?

She might be one of those lucky women that bounces back super fast after giving birth. If she truly felt terrible and exhausted then I doubt she'd be going out.

Good heavens. I could not possibly have gone out on the town when my DCs were 8 days old. 1st birth I was still in hospital long after 8 days. 2nd was a difficult situation and going out was not on my mind. 3rd was discharged on that day. I thought I had done OK just to get home from the hospital by then.
I hope she will be OK and not have any problems going out. My going out on the town has never really got going even now after DCs.

Good for her if she’s up to it. I’d have been up to it with my second but had to wait a few weeks for a suitable night out to present itself. And I got tiddly and left the baby at home with his other parent!

YABU

If I hadn't 6 hours 8 days after birth, I'd have used it to sleep not party!

how did she do it?

Each to their own. I don't know how physically anyone could want to, I've always needed a bit of recovery time, I personally would not have left the baby at that stage due to how I feel and breastfeeding and also due to breastfeeding their would be no one to leave a child with or who could feed it.
So I don't really get how you could, but if that's what they want to do then that's up to them.

Keeping in touch with my workmates and friends who weren’t mums was a great tonic
I didn’t only want to talk babies,poos,feeding. I wanted to feel like me
And I did feel marginalised when I had babies,a weight of expectation what I was meant to do
Well this mum,although society will impose should do upon her,she knows her own body,own body.its her choice

I should add I wasn’t BF and after having my second, I felt absolutely back to normal (lochia aside) after about 4 days. After my first was a different story.

In all honesty, I'm probably as equally baffled by the judgey comments as I am by the air-punching 'good for her!!' ones.

She's just nipped out to socialise for a couple of hours, whatever that entails for her. It's neither wrong nor amazing.

You're quite right to judge, OP. This excuse for a woman should still be in hospital, tightly sewn into a girdle to keep her stomach flat so her husband doesn't think she's let herself go!

I think the problem is, some people can't see childbirth and the early days beyond their own personal experience.

I know people who had a dreadful birth, a dreadful time post birth and were so tired/ill they literally can't recall everything about it all.

But equally, I've known people who have felt absolutely fine, healthy and full of energy after giving birth.

In fact I'm lucky enough to be one of them. I can't remember exactly when I went out post birth, as my DC are now aged 26, 18 and 15 but trying to think back, I'm pretty sure I was out and about with friends around a week after giving birth to all of them.

I know for a fact I was happily doing the school run (albeit a 5 minute walk) 2 days after my youngest two were born despite my DH taking time off work, because I was going stir crazy and wanted to show them off/catch up and have a chat with other parents at the school.

Perhaps she’s fan of both parents being equal and what not somdad has baby.

Who cares

I've noticed on MN that there's a tendency to celebrate and normalise new mothers anxiety over "leaving" their babies, almost as if not being apart from them is some kind of badge of honour. As if leaving your baby with their dad while you meet a friend for some coffee or shop for some jeans that make you feel a bit better about your new shape or whatever makes you the worst mum ever.

Well. I left first my DD overnight with my sister when she was two weeks old so DH and I could get a burger and a full nights sleep. She (at six months) stays overnight with my parents regularly. I formula fed. I make sure DH does his fair share of taking care of her. I did (and do) these things for my mental health, because I'm fairly certain my DD benefits from a happy, relaxed mam.

I'm not saying it's impossible for people to be great mum's when they attachment parent and ebf, but I don't bloody judge them for doing it differently to me.

So to hear that people judge another woman for looking after herself mentally is so depressing. Mental health isn't something that everyone can take for granted, and for all we know this woman has made a really healthy choice to have a shower, stick on a nice top and some make up and just feel normal again.

Nice try OP. Each to their own. There's nothing like a break if one is fit enough. Presumably the baby wasn't left alone. Your point is?

You are beng vv judgy IMHO. I was back to normal routine when DD2 was just three weeks old - including back to work. Massively different to DD1 when I could barely walk for a month and after DD3 I spent nearly a month in hospital.

So what I'm saying is - everyone, every baby and every birth is different, so no - going out when you have an 8 day old baby is NBU and perfectly ok if the mum and baby are ok. Non of your concern. You do know that childbirth is not an illness?