8 day old baby...

[guierrla]

i've seen that a woman i know has gone off for a night down town 8 days after giving birth!! aibu to think that this is crazy?!?!

You know what this night out is probably brill for the mum,mates,laugh,support
There is a pervasive option new mums need to submit themselves to motherhood
Forgo old life,and be subsumed by feeding,nurturing and nothing whimsical like night out

What’s crazy about it?

I'm jealous, with my first after 8 days he was still in NICU with my second I was still unable to sit down.

This is Mumsnet, so on here there will be a plethora of posters defending her right to do exactly as she pleases and go, girl

In real life, few people do this. Most of us are still coming to terms with the big scary idea of being a mum and having this responsibility.

But Mumsnet says she is an honourable mother...

FWIW, we are getting a new puppy in 2 weeks, and I am timing it to make sure we will not be out in the first two weeks, AT ALL.

But I wouldn't waste time judging, because people will do according to their own agenda and as long as someone is with the baby what does it matter?

Oh I see don’t waste time reading an agenda you don’t agree with Because it’s all,like independent woman pretending it’s okay?
But do heed your opinion about having a puppy wuppy and NOT going out
Aye riiiiiight

I've noticed on MN that there's a tendency to celebrate and normalise new mothers anxiety over "leaving" their babies, almost as if not being apart from them is some kind of badge of honour

I agree with your wider point, but in all honesty, there are an equal badges of honour handed out for the exact opposite, in my view. People get bashed and celebrated at both ends.

So you joined just to post this, did you? Nice goady try.

Platypus, it's egregious that most women are deer-in-headlights scared during those first few days. In my experience, and those of my friends and family, we certainly weren't.

If you were, OK, but don't start bandying about with the "most of us" nonsense, because there is no "most of us" when it comes to new motherhood- there is a huge range of experience.

It is interesting that your last line says that you wouldn't waste time judging when your previous four paragraphs is dripping from it.

@BetteDavid Oh absolutely- I'm obviously more sensitive to this particular angle due to the choices I've made as a new mother.

I just don't think that this platform in particular is a place where people should be casting judgement on a woman who has decided to get a break. I think the same when I see someone judged for extended breast feeding or co sleeping for example, even if it's not how I parent myself.

I read mn and I’ve transgressed every so called rule
I had babies in their own room they were adjacent never slept in same room as us
FT nursery at 6mth
I went out when they were babies

Oh Ffs . You have the rjght to decide with your own child but this person is the child's mother. Lots of judgy threads on mumsnet today

Ok, so maybe I AM weird. I'm not particularly upset if you think that

I honestly don't really care what other people choose to do, because it doesn't affect me and I'm selfish that way.

But I reacted with a "what would I do?". And genuinely I have put off bringing a new puppy home because we will be have a few things going on.

I did struggle to leave dd1 even at 11 months old, but that doesn't mean I am judging. Everyone is different. I think you just assume everyone else feels like you did until you are told otherwise. I consider myself told otherwise. I'll leave you to it.

I guess I always look at human behaviour from the pov of our being animals first and foremost and the rest just dressing on top. From that standpoint, it seems weird because after having a baby you're physically exhausted and you've got hormones rushing about that are supposed to keep you close and feeling protective to your completely vulnerable newborn. There's lots of situations where that doesn't happen, but that's why it does seem unusual. It's the one time in your life where nature kind of programs you to not be thinking about yourself and your need to enjoy yourself which is what a lot of people are saying is 'feeling normal'.

Good for her!!

You can judge me too! I did the same thing when my twins were 9 days old. I went out for dinner and one glass of wine on my birthday. My girls were still in SCN and it had been a horrific pregnancy (HG until I gave birth) and an emergency c section along with other complications for my babies.

You know what though, It was so nice to have a couple of hours away from the stress of having 2 premature newborns who I couldn’t bring home. And it was the only dinner out that I had in 2 years, so I’m very glad I went :)

The we are animals arguement doesn’t actually cut it
You see others animals they socialise,they get on with it
Not all new mums fret about bf,positioning,what the mil said,and being a goddess

twiceasnice but if you couldn't bring your babies home that's a completely different thing

unless she left the baby home alone to do it, then there is nothing crazy about it. I was almost 21 having my first baby. within 3 days i was bouncing around like nothing had happened and could easily have done a night on the town. I think she was 3weeks when i went out for my 21st birthday. i had a great night and then went home and had cuddles with my baby. no one died.

Why is different? We have no other information other than the new mother went out. If the baby was left on it’s own, that’s a completely different thing.

The mother might have gone out for an hour while the baby slept. Maybe she was going stir crazy and wanted to see a friend? Why does anyone care unless the baby is being put at risk? Mothers seem to get judged for everything.

I know a woman who went to a work event 5 days after she gave birth. She turned up, gave her speech and went home.
Nobody at the event knew she had given birth.
Why are women so judgy of each other? FFS, 1/2 the population judge us for every decision we make, so other women joining the bandwagon is just bloody depressing.

Good for her for taking control of her life, and making decisions which suit her. Going out doesn’t make her a BAD mother, and doesn’t mean she loves her child any less than someone who is attached to their baby 24/7/365

You need to take a hard look at yourself, I believe women should support each other, no matter what decisions we make, as long as they don’t affect anyone else, or YOU are complicit to the mysogony women face daily.

(I am a very senior woman in finance and an man on the desk had the audacity to remark to a trader at an Investment Bank that I was the “social secretary” for the desk, so I would arrange a dinner.) I experience this kind of behavior daily, and it’s tedious and predictable. Men are threatened by successful, ambitious females, so belittle them at every opportunity, most of the times unknowingly.

I also get comments from family, and friends, that they didn’t have children for them to be raised by others.

I work to be a positive role model to my DD, to contribute positively to my family, but mainly to fund my passion for philanthropy, social enterprise and women’s rights. Because if not me, then who?

OP find other, more important issues to fret over, because a person who after 9 months being abstentions and judged, enjoys a night out to remind herself of who she is: more than a just a mother and wife; is a woman I applaud and support.

Great post frankunderwoodwife I agree wholeheartedly
My children are parented,nurtured,raised by us. They’re loved and held in regard
We aren’t absent.We simply work.Ft. and some folks they need to get over that
And a new mum going out isn’t baby abandonment,it’s a social do.safe milieu

Why doesn't it look good? Because some authority figure once set out that women are no longer important once they have children. Only to mop and feed. Women have not only no need of a social life, they do not want one. Not really. Rinse. Repeat.

She will still be a mother when she is out and when she gets home. Good on her.

Good for her. I wish i had been able to walk properly and do thay.

I had to go to town the day after DS was born I couldn't find a parking space at the hospital. Does that count?

But Mumsnet says she is an honourable mother...

MN does nothing of the sort. MN says she is a private citizen.