8 day old baby...

[guierrla]

i've seen that a woman i know has gone off for a night down town 8 days after giving birth!! aibu to think that this is crazy?!?!

LipstickHandbagCoffee

You know what, I actually have more respect for women who don't have children, rather than those who do and describe it as an insignificant moment. No one forces you into motherhood... it's a choice. If you didn't want your life to change then honestly why bother?

ducksandrivers again you are twisting my comments. Read what I quoted again. The clue is there.

I don’t have to stay at home staring at my baby for 12 hours for my life to change.
Of course my life changed with my kids. It changed drastically.

Don’t misquote me I have never said I didn’t want my life to change
I Said I accommodate numerous significant events and get on with it
Having kids isn’t my sole defining moment, I’ve had many defining moments

Notumbongo I don’t think you have to stay home 12 hours a day to appreciate your life has changed.
But the day he was born.... just another day..... can’t understand your point of view at all

I don’t really care.

I’ve just tried to explain an alternative point. I haven’t felt sad for anyone, or tell them they’re wrong. Just explained that not everyone feels the way you and formerbabe do.

But clearly I’m a cunt and my kids deserve better.

Her body is really all her baby knows at that point, so from the baby’s perspective it’s probably a bit shite.

However, if your only consideration is the mum’s enjoyment then yup, a night out on the town is fine.

Don’t misquote me I have never said I didn’t want my life to change

I didn't mean you personally...I meant the overall theme of this thread.

Having kids isn’t my sole defining moment, I’ve had many defining moments

I'm sure all of us have. However, I'm assuming the birth of your children was one of these defining moments.

Only body the baby knows?based on what premise?only 1 adult has handled baby
You see baby will know & recognise familar others by smell & sound
Is the father absent?

Reread what I’ve said former, it’s v clear

My first post on the thread said that the only concern I would have for the new mother out drinking would be for her health. I think going out drinking that soon risks the health of the mother in Terms of her recovery.
If baby is well cared for I think that its ok from the child’s perspective. Wouldn’t have been me, but I wouldn’t knock anyone who did (in terms of their parenting).

But I would expect the mother who was out drinking wouldn’t describe the day of her child’s birth as a normal day. As if it was of no significance.

This is what I couldn’t understand about your post. I’ve never heard that said about the birth of a child before. Even if people find it negative (as in traumatic, overwhelming, not what they expected) it is reflective of how much a life changing event a child’s birth is.
Oh and call yourself a c**t if you like, but it certainly wasn’t what I suggested.

LipstickHandbagCoffee based on biology. Babies only realise they are a separate entity to their mothers circa 4-6 months old

I’m assuming you’re all dead against gay men adopting babies then if being with the mother is so important?

Leaking tits and a heavy bleed is not going to end well! Lol

I didn’t have either of those things by day 8!

This is quite funny.

NotUmbongoUnchained I don’t believe a newborn baby should be ripped apart from its mother that it grew inside for nine months to solely satisfy two men who cannot procreate due to nature. Fact is what is best for the baby should be first and foremost unless there are circumstances where this isn’t possible.

BUT that’s a whole other thread

Notumbongo I don’t agree with surrogacy on the basis that all a newborn probably wants is it’s mother and acting as a surrogate to give away the baby denies the newborn of this need.
Adoption is different, the child can’t be with their mother, likely for some very tragic circumstances, and can’t have the opportunity to be breastfed or that closeness with the woman they got to know in utero. Whether the adopting couple are gay or straight in this instance Wouldn’t matter to me, as the child can’t have their biological mother anyway which is optimum, so whether it’s two loving adoptive dads, two loving adoptive mums, an adoptive loving mum and dad, or just adoptive mum or just adoptive dad is irrelevant.

I’m assuming you’re all dead against gay men adopting babies then if being with the mother is so important?

Being gay is irrelevant to this discussion.

I believe a newborn and its mother have a special, irreplaceable bond which shouldn't be broken except in extreme circumstances.

Hmm I am not attachment parent-y at all although I breastfed two kids. And I work FT. And baby wearing is not for me.

I try not to leave my kids with others for too long partly because I work so I try to maximise the quantity of time I have with them and partly because I am too tired to.

However when my first was 10 days old I had a job interview. In my field jobs are very very rare and this was a senior position. On that very same day DH coincidentally had something at work he couldn’t miss and was long scheduled (he’s a doctor). So I left the baby with some expressed milk, took a manual pump and left DS1 to my MIL/DSis and my best friend who had also come down for the day to help. And off I went to Central London in a proper work outfit clutching my C section scar. I got the job. I suspect I was gone for longer than your mate was but I suspect no one will be as judgemental because it was ‘work’ and not ‘fun’ even though the net effect on the baby would have been the same.

Babies are very adaptable. That’s just a survival instinct for them.
Myself and my brothers were adopted, and we’ve always had a very close bond with our adoptive mother because she was the one who fed and cared for us from day one.
I wasn’t the one doing all the for my son, but I made time to find a bind in my spare time. I didn’t have to be there all day.
And he still prefers me over my husband

I will admit though that holidaying in Ibiza immediately following a birth is indeed unusual. And yes, a man who did that would raise eyebrows too. As would saying that having a baby was ‘just another day.’ I have had two births. One was joyous and life changing. The other was horrific, terrifying and we had no idea if he was going to live (he was v v v premature) and neither was an ‘ordinary day.’

The other thing to say is that there is a medium ground many of us walk on. In the immediate post partum period I was indulged as people from my part of the world do. First my MIL, then my sister took leave from her work for a week, and then my Mum came to look after me. They did the housework and the cooking while DH was at work and held the baby so I could sleep and feed and establish breastfeeding. They did this for around a month as is the norm. My mum did this with my sister as well. And then once I was healed and feeding was established things slowly went back to normal. I went out with friends leaving the baby with DH, went back to work at 7 months etc. My sister did the same. The first part is for rest, recuperation and feeding. And then you can slowly get back to normal. My sister went back to work at a year as an NHS consultant so was in the thick of it. So you can be attached to the baby in the initial period and then gradually get your life back. It’s not all black and white. And there is something to be celebrated about having family support in the days after birth and ‘indulging the whims’ of new mothers.

Am preparing to be massively judged here but I went out when my 1st was 2 weeks old. Loved every minute of being a parent. Had a brilliant birth - felt fantastic. Left her with my mum and an expressed bottle and went out for about 2 hours to a pub 10 minutes away so I could be back home quickly if needed.
I was a single parent and can honestly say it did me the world of good and dd didnt even wake up so no long term effect there.