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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

8 day old baby...

333 replies

guierrla · 06/04/2018 23:19

i've seen that a woman i know has gone off for a night down town 8 days after giving birth!! aibu to think that this is crazy?!?!

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 19:16

I don’t get the tear me apart sentiments either.my kids aren’t Velcroed to me
And I’m not bereft in their absence. Nor am I solely defined by being a mum
I found Mat leave crushingly dull and couldn’t wait to return, I didnt want to be with my kids 24-7

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 19:19

No one is saying you have to be tied to your kids 24/7. Most parents want time away from their DC. I'm not torn apart if I'm away from my DC for a bit (not that it happens often due to circumstance)...but I'd be torn apart at being away from a newborn.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/04/2018 19:22

Well that’s you.

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 19:23

Well that’s you

That's most mothers IME.

BertrandRussell · 07/04/2018 19:25

I repeat- why is lunch OK but a night out not? How can the baby tell?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/04/2018 19:26

I’ll move out then and leave my poor kids with their dad

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 19:27

I’ll move out then and leave my poor kids with their dad

Because, yes, that's exactly what I said you should do Hmm

All I'm saying is that surely you can see what you did is highly unusual?

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 19:29

Oh and I can only imagine the roasting a new dad would get on here if he fucked off to Ibiza leaving his wife with the baby!

NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/04/2018 19:29

Yes it’s unusual. But it wouldn’t be if women didn’t feel they had to stay at home with their baby for fear of getting judged by people like you.

Madonnasmum · 07/04/2018 19:30

but I don't think it looks good on a woman to be out on the town that soon after birth

The 1950's just called, they want their opinion back....

tinkerbellone · 07/04/2018 19:34

Good for her. Wine
I felt like my fanny was going to fall out for first week! Blush

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 19:35

Yes it’s unusual. But it wouldn’t be if women didn’t feel they had to stay at home with their baby for fear of getting judged by people like you

That's sad that you think women stay at home with their babies because they are scared of being judged. Most women want to be with their newborns...that's the reason they stay at home with them.

Andtakeadeepbreath · 07/04/2018 19:36

The only person I would worry about in this situation is mum and her health.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her going out at all.
The only reason I wouldn’t do it and id advise friends not to do it is because labour is rough even if straight forward.
Your pelvic floor takes a real beating and I think the more time spent resting in the early weeks the better (for mums recovery).
I tried to do too much to soon (household stuff not out drinking as I was trying to breastfeed in early weeks) and I think it made pelvic floor issues worse and made me run down for a while.
But each to their own, that would be my advice but I wouldn’t preach to anyone.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/04/2018 19:37

Most of my friends have turned down nights out because of fear of being judged for leaving the baby. All of them wanted to go out.
I’m lucky that I have a very “fuck it” attitude and I don’t care what people think of me.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 07/04/2018 19:37

YABU, it's up to her.

MysweetAudrina · 07/04/2018 19:39

How is this even an issue? I hosted a big family gathering, prepared food and everything 4 days after I had my youngest. I also had sex with my dh a week after my dd. I couldn't wait to have sex with no bump. Everyone is different and does what suits them. There are very few rights and wrongs when it comes to life. Wouldn't even cross my mind to think anything if I saw a friend post something like this.

readyforapummelling · 07/04/2018 19:42

Gosh it wouldn't be the night out that would of made me feel like shit 8 days pp, it's the morning after with a newborn. Hangover + baby = Fresh Hell.

I personally see nothing wrong with it. If she is leaving the baby with someone who she trusts then it's neither here nor there or anything to do with anybody else.

It's good for the soul to feel like a normal human again after carrying a baby for 9 months, giving birth, spending every waking and sleeping moment caring for said baby. 6 hours with friends whilst your baby is well cared for is not something to judge a new Mum for.

getmyshittogether · 07/04/2018 19:53

I don't understand why she is "crazy" to leave her baby for what, a few hours?

I went out when my DD was a newborn and she was EBF.

Lots of women leave their newborns with their other parents or family members/friends whilst they go out to shops/whatever. Why is it different because it's night time?

And would you even be asking this question if it was the baby's father going out? Nope.

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 19:56

It seems society has done a brilliant job at making women feel like they must have babies then carry on with life as if they haven't had babies...sad.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/04/2018 20:01

It seems society has done a brilliant job at making women feel like they must have babies then stay attached 24/7 to said baby and judged harshly if they want to have an actual life of their own apart from the baby...sad.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 20:02

What point are you struggling to make former?
Of course life carries on after one has a baby.thats the point
We accomodate our kids into the other demands we have. That’s not the same as carrying on life as if you’ve never had a baby
BUT having a baby doesn’t equal suspension of ones life to the cult of motherhood

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/04/2018 20:05

Babies are so selfish they should really consider a new Mother’s needs before they are born.

formerbabe · 07/04/2018 20:06

Fgs...look at society and how it treats women and children.

Look at the state of post natal care and how women are discharged from hospital just hours after giving birth.

Look at how sahms aren't shown any respect.

Look at how the government tries to push single mums into work and consequently their DC into childcare.

All this says to us is that motherhood is completely worthless. Women who enjoy it or want to be with their children are seen as pathetic martyrs. It's disgusting.

StealthPolarBear · 07/04/2018 20:12

I may not be the first to say this but men are expected to go out an drink soon after the baby is born. Its called wetting the baby's head. No one judges them.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/04/2018 20:15

I’ll address your points
Women are routinely dc from hospital when there are no clinical complications. That’s a good thing. We don’t need to revert back to hospital confinement model. Childbirth isn’t an illness. For majority best place is home

Sahm not shown respect? Respect is not an automatic.its earned. So no,there’s not an automatic horah for what Is essentially a private individual act.

For those able to work Employment is linked to increased social and health And educational outcomes. It is a +ve driver for adults and children outcomes

Childcare isn’t in itself bad or associated with negative outcomes

I don’t know who the us is you refer to.presumably yourself? No one has said motherhood is completely useless

As you were...

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