to say we get rid of cleaner when maternity leave starts?

[dazedconfused81]

Man alert!! 😂 So my wife starts maternity leave soon and is adament she wants to take as long as possible off, so 12mths probably. (Which is another bone of contention, as I would have liked to take longer off work than the standard 2 weeks!)

Obviously I’m worried about the financial impact this will have, and we’ve discussed cutting back. One of the things I think we should get rid of is the cleaner, which currently costs us about £140/mth. She disagrees, saying we will need it more than ever.

Am I being unreasonable?

I think this thread helps illustrate exactly why the current shared leave policy doesn't work. When it's seen as women's time to give up, many women (perhaps understandably) don't want to hand over the more fun later months and rush back to work. I do think that's a shame for dads who'd like time with the kids and for the children potentially missing out on that time with Dad. It would better to have a system like some other places in Europe (Germany and Sweden at least, I think), where men get their own paternity leave of 2 months or more and they use it or lose it - no impact on the mother's leave at all. I think UK take up would be a lot higher if we had that in place.

My dh suggested getting rid of our cleaner during my first mat leave I told him I was saving up the money to cover it. As it happened he changed his mind once we both saw what baby care really was like

You've had a hard time here op.

I'd play it by ear.

I had two very easy babies, and easily had time to clean the house on ml; but as is evidenced by many of the responses here, it might not be easy.

Just be kind and fair to each other.

There seems to be an immense amount of hatred towards men in general, principally due to bitterness regarding biology and the fact men don’t have to carry young, or so it seems. This, coupled with a lack of sense of humour, means that you come across as a bunch of jumped up, judgemental bigots, who only serve to give genuine feminists a bad name.

0/10 love.

Your wife deserves a medal. Two actual babies, another actual baby on the way and then if that wasn't enough, also a tantrumming man sized baby to placate and manage

You're a dick. Don't blame us when your wife leaves you because you treat her like a slave.

If I am not mistake a 9 year old is not a baby?

She's had three babies. These thread is about babyhood and how to manage it. Clearly a child aged 9 is not a baby. Hopefully that makes my post about clearer for you.

A 9 year old still makes a mess.

When I first heard about shared maternity leave I felt incredibly concerned that it was open to abuse and made women more vulnerable than they already are.

I'm not saying that the op is guilty of this but his comment does highlight the issue.

I'm

We GOT a cleaner when I got pregnant.

Some babies sleep. Some babies DO NOT SLEEP EVER except on a human.

@Black
Good point re shared parental leave. I think you’re right, they should have left maternity leave as it is and created additional “use it or lose it” paternity leave.

Ah OP, we’ll see you back on in a few years in Relationships, with a “my wife left me and I can’t understand why coz I’m so lovely” type thread.
Some men just don’t like it when some women express an opinion without being deferential enough.

If money's really tight then Conor

But I’ve threatened that with the next baby, she can go back after 2 weeks and i’ll have the 9mths paternity
BUT, you don't carry the baby for nine months, you don't give birth, you don't breastfeed, you don't go through the change of hormones!

Compromise* and reduce the hours. It's very easy for you to get rid of something that won't make you're life harder. What will you be sacrificing to save money too?

Ah but he was joking and if you don’t find it hilarious you clearly have no sense of humour

Cross post, I was replying to onecutefox

give genuine feminists a bad name

Oh no, I thought I was a genuine feminist! Please, Mr Man, tell me how to adjust my behaviour so I can be one of those.

My DD cried everytime she was put done for the first 6 months of her life and NEVER slept. I was on my knees with tiredness, I wasn't lounging about with spare time for deep cleaning.

Ffs the first thing I did when I got home from hospital post c sectionwith ds2 was a load of washing and filled the dishwasher. C sections or birth generally don't necessarily incapacitate you for long spells.

I'd keep cleaner to start with then stop it until your both back to work. I was off a year pretty much picked up all the chores inside (dh outside) and was adamant we'd get a cleaner when went back to work 6 months later still managing to keep everything liveable if not immaculate.

Figgygal reading that I kind of hope you’re a single parent as otherwise you have a shit partner who would leave all that for you to do.
Surefire way to rip your stitches though - bending and carrying.

I don't think my baby was particularly easy but you know what on maternity leave I went out for a lot of coffees with friends, baby groups and I watched a hell of a lot of Netflix i was perfectly capable of also contributing to the household by taking the lions share of the housework. Not because it's a woman's job but because I had more spare time in which to do it when DH was self-employed and at home five days a week he did it. The martyrdom there has been on this thread about who has to do the cleaning is pathetic

Unless I've somehow missed it, the OP has generated a thread of 13 (!) pages without actually answering the crucial question of whether he does any cleaning of the house.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who is in a relationship with someone who has zero interest in cleaning (basically, will do hoovering or change a bed if I specifically tell him to do it, but nothing else). I actually quite like cleaning but wow do I resent it being made my 'job' to clean up after 3 people. So, we have a cleaner, as that way I can make DH contribute in a financial way what he is not willing to in a practical way. The £££ is a lot less tedious than regular arguments and then doing the damn cleaning yourself anyway.

So, OP, when did you last...mop the kitchen floor...change the beds...wash the towels...empty the bins...dust the surfaces...hoover the carpets.. and so do you know how long these tasks take roughly and how frequently they need doing? Are you actually speaking from a position of knowledge here or is the unspoken part that you think your wife is lazy because she chooses to outsource this so this is an easy save of money? (this is clearly the view of some posters here).

When you are cutting back for a household, everyone should get a say on how the available money is spent as time also = money. You don't get to save 'your' money by spending someone else's time.

“the first thing I did when I got home from hospital post c sectionwith ds2 was a load of washing and filled the dishwasher.”

“The martyrdom there has been on this thread about who has to do the cleaning is pathetic”

The irony 😂