AIBU to feel uncomfortable being separated from baby

[GrumpyPantz]

I feel uncomfortable about anyone except DH holding my 2 month old baby. Even then 30 mins is about my max until I want her back in my arms. I'm just about at the point where I can stand to have my mother hold her for 10 minutes. When anyone else holds her I feel twitchy and watch them like a hawk, looking for any excuse to grab her back. AIBU?

Imo she's too young to be away from me for any period of time. DH wants to take her out for 3-4 hours by himself and is calling me selfish because I said no. He took her out once before and I felt weepy and stressed, and after a bit I started repeatedly calling his mobile because I wanted my baby back NOW. He keeps saying she's his child as well and I can't make him understand how every fibre of my being screams out when my baby is more than a few feet away from me.

Am I selfish? AIBU to refuse to let DH take her out on his own until she's older?

Perhaps your feelings of regret over having a baby are linked to your husband being an utter twat? As in you regret having a child with him, rather than the child herself.

I ebf for first 5 months. First had a few hours from dd when she was 8 months and DS at 9 months. I hated being parted from my babies.

Your husband is an unsupportive arse.

For all the jumping up and down upthread about him being her parent too and having every right to be involved, it looks as though he does bugger all actual parenting. He’s only interested in the baby when he wants to take her to his own mother.

I think you are being perfectly reasonable to insist that if MIL wants to see the baby she comes to your house. 4 hours is too long for an EBF 8 week old to be away from her only source of food, and no mother should have her baby forcibly taken away from her .

Your husband is a huge part of this problem.

You confided I’m your husband that you didn’t want your baby and he has thrown this back in your face at the earliest opportunity. How can you ever trust him again? How can he support you when he kept that info and uses it to hurt you?

This is what stands out for me. The only person who ever did this to me ended up being physically abusive as well. Your husband should be your rock, not a threat.

As people often say on here, you have a DH problem not a MIL problem.

I suspect the replies would have been pretty unanimous if you’d included all the info in your opening post or at least earlier on in the thread.

I suggest you post in Relationships for advice on dealing with your DH who is being a twat.

His attitude is pretty unforgivable tbh. And you are right not to trust him. He’s already shown that he won’t prioritise DD’s needs over his mother’s wants.

@cathf

I kind of agree but the baby is breast fed. Practically it's not possible or that simple so early on. ??

Cathyf, you really should have read the whole thread.

I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable.

A baby is not a toy. My DM adores my 2 and constantly wanted cuddles but she wouldn’t have kept hold of a distressed baby for her own selfish reasons. No one reasonable would.

Nor frankly would anyone reasonable expect to see a very small baby for any length of time without its mother. Hell would freeze over before I would agree to my DH taking our baby away from me in these circumstances.

If the GM wants to see her grandchild, then she needs to visit at the OP’s house or invite them all to visit and behave like a reasonable person.

I would also have a word with your DH about remembering who is the priority here and the fact that he needs to interact with the baby himself before he starts involving his DM.

Good Luck OP.

Sorry to read your updates about your dh. He is unsupportive, maybe just through ignorance. Feeling that you’ve made a mistake/ not wanting your baby in the early days is surprisingly common and quite normal. I remember sitting up one night asking my dh what I done and saying I’d ruined my life forever. I felt like I’d made a massive mistake in having a baby. But it passed and all was fine within a few weeks. People don’t talk about it for obvious reasons but you can assure him you’re certainly not the first or last woman to feel that and it has no impact whatsoever on your parenting ability or your love for your baby. It’s totally appalling that he throws this back in your face. I’m not sure how you’ll resolve this with him but he could start by informing himself a bit.

Now your post makes a lot more sense. I understand the anguish far better. No advice really. In your situation I’d feel the same way. Keep reiterating that mil is welcome to come and visit the baby. By appointment. And make sure your mother is there as well to back you up/supervise the visit.

I feel a bit miffed that having given opinions and advice on OP I come back to the thread and find that drip feeding has gone on and the problem is not at all as first mentioned! Advice
would have been totally different had the real problems been mentioned in the first place!

The mother in law problem/husband's handling of it is clearly the main issue here , but it's not the full story and doesn't explain why OP is so uncomfortable with her own mother holding her baby for more than ten mins.

OP please speak to your health visitor about this. They are there to help us!

And yet Fresh Horizons, you don't give your different advice, just complain that YOU are miffed. Not surprising.

Sorry for your situation OP and good luck.

This is absolutely normal survival instincts !!!

My baby is 11 months and I still miss him after his dad has him for more than an hour !

Xx trust your instincts xx