To feel really let down by DDs and niece spending £13 on chocolate?

[Plipplops]

I have DDs (9 and 10) and had my niece (10) for a sleepover last night. Over dinner last night had a conversation about how important it is to eat healthily. DDs aren't keen at all on veg but are slowly slowly getting better (niece is way better but her mum doesn't like her having sweets etc. as she had dental problems when she was younger).

This morning they've asked to go to the café in the village (first sunny day in ages). I said yes, that they could have a small cake (cupcake) and a drink, not a massive slice of cake, and gave them £20 as I didn't have anything smaller.

They've got back and admitted they had 5 chocolate bars and a small piece of cake between them, plus a milkshake each (so drink laden with sugar). DD2 says she just had the cake and didn't finish it, plus 2 bites of chocolate. So DD1 and niece have had 2+ chocolate bars each, plus sugary drink?!?

I feel really let down. They all know better, I feel like they've really abused my trust. DD1 obviously feels bad - has come home and apologised, I asked if she thinks she made good choices and she's said no. Not sure what to do now (we were probably going to go to the beach but I sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day). AIBU?

You gave a 9 & 10 year old money and told them they could have cake, and are now shocked and disappointed that they had cake?

Yes Yabu and overreacting. Next time go with them and supervise.

Lol

Hahaha. My DM once gave me £5 when I was a similar age to go to the shop and get her a newspaper, she told me to bring change. I probably brought her 50p back as I spent it on fizzy pop and sweets. They’re children, I’m not sure what you expected. They were hardly going to spend it on hummus and breadsticks .

Yeah that's kind of why I'm asking, I have np idea if IABU, I feel like I set out really clearly what they could have and they went totally overboard, so there needs to be some kind of consequence?

Otherwise I'm giving them money, telling them they can have X, and they go and buy X, Y and Z without giving a fuck?

YABU. Balanced diets include everything in moderation, yes even sugar! You sound completely OTT actually.

I wouldn’t try to make them feel guilty for having an occasional treat. Once in a while won’t hurt I’m sure

Next time go with them and supervise.

This^^ sorry. They’re 9 & 10. Don’t hand them money and send them off for cake, immediately after you’ve had a chat about the importance of healthy eating. Mixed message there.

What Purple said. They're children. Have you considered that if you weren't so uptight at home about sweet treats etc, they might not have binged?

And talk about abusing trust/making them feel guilty all day is horrid and spiteful. They apologised. They're kids. Move on.

I don't mind them having it in moderation which is why I let them go?

Stop the press kids buy chocolate with money when sent out for a treat! Shocking!! No tv turn the WiFi off maximum punishment of course they have abused your trust

Or

They are to young to make the right choices lesson learnt and move on! Choice is yours!

You are shocked 3 10 year olds have eaten too much sweet stuff when left alone to eat sweet stuff? They are kids, surely you have over indulged at some point. It's not the end of the world. You are over reacting and pitting way to much pressure on children about their eating.

I do think you are being a little unreasonable. I understand why you feel let down by their decisions but at the end of the day kids will be kids. I would just make it clear that you don't approve of what they did and explain that having that many treats isn't the "norm" and they shouldn't do it too often. But once in a while doesn't hurt :)

I'm not that uptight at home, they've spent all weekend eating easter eggs...

So you let 3 kids go to the cafe on their own with smallcake instructions rightyoh most people dont have healthy eating conversations they kids rebelled at your lecture

I don't mind them having it in moderation which is why I let them go?

That’s why you should have gone with them? To make sure they only had it in moderation? If you care that much?

I wouldn't be happy. I think I would have specified how much they could spend rather than what they should buy. It may have been easier for them to resist temptation if they knew they were only allowed to spend a certain amount. I think children often go mad at that age with regard to sweets though as it is often the first time they have the freedom to buy.

Abused your trust? Really??

Their brains have not fully developed to be able to assess risk and deferred gratification. I’m ten years time you will laugh about this.

You are being utterly ridiculous. They're kids who, unsupervised, bought some chocolate and milkshake. They've done nothing wrong. If you carry on making them feel guilty for having a treat you'll be setting them up nicely for serious food issues down the line.

If you carry on making them feel guilty about eating this sort of food, they will likely develop very disordered eating like I did. My mother was like this, and as soon as I was old enough to control my own diet I bunged in all the “guilt” foods and started secret eating.

Your attitude will cause them damage. Massively unreasonable. Fgs they have done what any normal child will do.

Binged*

If you make sugary sweets, chocolate and fizzy drinks into a crime or forbidden food, you increase its allure!

The healthy eating message should be as much fun as possible. We have never had access to better foods, so tell them they are eating better than kings and queens from years ago. Let them have a bit of fun and make some cakes (which will be healthier than any shop bought stuff), melt some chocolate to dip fruit into and so on.

They went to the shop with WAAAAAAAY too much money and blew it all on crap. The lesson is yours to learn - if that is going to bother you, don't give them the money & don't let them go to the shop unsupervised.

FWIW, I think you should go to the beach or for a long walk or do something active and fun, so they burn off all the calories they've just ingested.