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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really let down by DDs and niece spending £13 on chocolate?

258 replies

Plipplops · 05/04/2018 12:13

I have DDs (9 and 10) and had my niece (10) for a sleepover last night. Over dinner last night had a conversation about how important it is to eat healthily. DDs aren't keen at all on veg but are slowly slowly getting better (niece is way better but her mum doesn't like her having sweets etc. as she had dental problems when she was younger).

This morning they've asked to go to the café in the village (first sunny day in ages). I said yes, that they could have a small cake (cupcake) and a drink, not a massive slice of cake, and gave them £20 as I didn't have anything smaller.

They've got back and admitted they had 5 chocolate bars and a small piece of cake between them, plus a milkshake each (so drink laden with sugar). DD2 says she just had the cake and didn't finish it, plus 2 bites of chocolate. So DD1 and niece have had 2+ chocolate bars each, plus sugary drink?!?

I feel really let down. They all know better, I feel like they've really abused my trust. DD1 obviously feels bad - has come home and apologised, I asked if she thinks she made good choices and she's said no. Not sure what to do now (we were probably going to go to the beach but I sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day). AIBU?

OP posts:
AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 05/04/2018 12:34

'Get a grip OP before you force a world of dietary agony on to your very young kids.'

This.
You have eating disorders in the making right there, OP. I suspect your concerns about 'healthy eating' may really be about weight and the restraint you see as appropriate for girls and women. You're making enjoying some chocolate into a moral issue!

Apologise to the children, tell them you overreacted and take them to the bloody beach. And get them an ice-cream while you're there.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 05/04/2018 12:34

You let 3 unaccompanied 9&10 year olds loose in a cake shop with £20 and you’re surprised they ended up having a lot of sugar?! Hmm

Sounds like they had a ball, you presumably won’t do that again so let them enjoy it rather than going on about it and making them feel bad.

Lovestonap · 05/04/2018 12:35

I'm impressed that they managed to go to a cafe, order for themselves, handle money correctly and bring home change.
Good life skills
Also good life skills, spending someone else's money on stuff you want. Good work girls :)

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 05/04/2018 12:36

What catspaws said

halfwitpicker · 05/04/2018 12:36

Hahaha haha.

Basecamp101 · 05/04/2018 12:36

Mmm i think i do similar at least a couple of times a year. I am not over weight and eat a generally healthy diet and that includes totally over indulging in moderation...

This is not because they are children but because they are human. I would be more worried about an individual's attitude to life if they never did something like this.

Moderation in all things including abstinence and self control.

thebear1 · 05/04/2018 12:36

I would be upset from a financial point. If I gave them money and specific instructions as to what to buy and they spent more money on additional items I would be unhappy.

pointythings · 05/04/2018 12:36

I think you need to let this go and you need to think about your own relationship with food, which you are passing on to your children. If you're talking about certain foods being 'bad' from a young age, you are asking for a lifetime of problems. Model healthy eating, don't keep lots of crap in the home, be relaxed on special occasions. Teach them that no food is bad but moderation is the way to go. Really examine your own feelings here, they're colouring your perceptions and not in a good way.

Also don't give kids that young that much money and expect things to go well. You should have gone with them if you had nothing smaller.

Viviennemary · 05/04/2018 12:37

They did not act very sensibly. And I think you're right to be irritated. I'd let it go this time but make sure they understand that they made the wrong choices and were greedy.

TeeBee · 05/04/2018 12:37

It's no biggie really, it's not their diet, it's a one off. Take it as a lesson learnt.

EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB · 05/04/2018 12:38

The issue isn't that you allowed them to go to the cafe alone OP, it's the fact you allowed them to go alone then are bleating about broken trust and wanting them to tidy their rooms feeling guilty because they bought chocolate, cake and milkshake.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 05/04/2018 12:38

Ffs Vivienne! Didn't act sensibly?! It was chocolate and milkshake, not crack!! Gawd

EinsteinsArousedSausagesHCB · 05/04/2018 12:38

Way OTT

TheresTheFlyingFuckIDontGive · 05/04/2018 12:38

When I was a kid, we (me, my sister and two friends) used to go to the swimming pool every week. We'd get bus money for on the way there, the entry fee, a bit of money for snacks and bus money home. Every single week without fail we spent the return journey bus money on sweets from the vending machine and walked 5 miles home.

Pickleypickles · 05/04/2018 12:38

Is the issue that they bought sweet stuff or is the issue that you told them what they could have and they went against that?

If its the first YABU because you sent them to a cafe to buy cake and they bought cake

If its the second then i kind of see your point but they apologized and its a suny day just to go the beach and move on i dont think it warrants a day of room tidying and no fun.

wobytide · 05/04/2018 12:38

Maybe along the lines of the "Pubwatch" posters you could have "Cafewatch" posters put up in local cafes with their pictures saying "Do not serve these children sugary goods"

catinapoolofsunshine · 05/04/2018 12:38

We'll done for shaming them OP - next time they'll sensibly lie to you about what they are (as your dd2 probably did to shift blame onto her sister and gain back a bit of your approval). All they will have learnt from this is not to tell you the truth.

TotHappy · 05/04/2018 12:39

I think you're saying the abuse of trust is that you gave them boundaries which they didn't stick to? I can understand your point on that, absolutely but they already know that was wrong. The bad choices convo is enough. And maybe dont let them go out alone again... I'm wavering on that one... You could allow it as a chance to earn back the trust or you could say as a natural consequence of you not controlling yourselves well, I'm going to have to come eith abd exercise some control next time... But i wouldn't frame it as a punishment, and i wouldn't be cross at them anymore. And def go to the beach. If you're really worried about the sugar (altho it doesn't seem that bad to me!) dont buy them an ice cream at the beach. But not as a punishment. Just say they've had enough sugar for today.

Skatingfastonthinice · 05/04/2018 12:40

I could understand your confusion and upset if you were a childless auntie with limited experience, but you claim two of these perfectly normal children are yours.
FWIW, as a teacher I tend to find that most primary children are good at the theory, poor on the practical and usually see healthy eating as something that is an adult’s choice made for them, rather than something they do unsupervised. Give it a few more years and hope.

inamechangedforthispost · 05/04/2018 12:40

They are children, I would judge them more if they didn't do it!

chequeplease · 05/04/2018 12:40

Ah I remember doing a similar thing as a child, having a lovely time, then feeling guilt ridden forever with the memory of it because of my mums reaction (still get pangs if guilt thinking about it now!) but I was just a child who didn't understand.

I'd just explain that you were surprised initially but you're glad they had a lovely time together- because that's what's important! And make them a super healthy dinner tonight. No damage done.

gamerchick · 05/04/2018 12:40

They’re 9 and 10 and you set them up to fail. Shame on you really tbh Hmm

15 is going to be fun for you me thinks with that approach.

strawberrypenguin · 05/04/2018 12:40

So you gave them money for a treat and are upset because they used it?

Milkshakes are a perfectly normal drink for kids to choose in cafe. Did you tell them they could only have water?

Not sure why you let them go unsupervised if you were that concerned about what they would choose.

catinapoolofsunshine · 05/04/2018 12:40
  • well and ate not we'll and are
Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 12:40

Well your daughter has felt the need to apologise so she obviously knows how you feel. And you were going to cancel a trip as punishment