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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really let down by DDs and niece spending £13 on chocolate?

258 replies

Plipplops · 05/04/2018 12:13

I have DDs (9 and 10) and had my niece (10) for a sleepover last night. Over dinner last night had a conversation about how important it is to eat healthily. DDs aren't keen at all on veg but are slowly slowly getting better (niece is way better but her mum doesn't like her having sweets etc. as she had dental problems when she was younger).

This morning they've asked to go to the café in the village (first sunny day in ages). I said yes, that they could have a small cake (cupcake) and a drink, not a massive slice of cake, and gave them £20 as I didn't have anything smaller.

They've got back and admitted they had 5 chocolate bars and a small piece of cake between them, plus a milkshake each (so drink laden with sugar). DD2 says she just had the cake and didn't finish it, plus 2 bites of chocolate. So DD1 and niece have had 2+ chocolate bars each, plus sugary drink?!?

I feel really let down. They all know better, I feel like they've really abused my trust. DD1 obviously feels bad - has come home and apologised, I asked if she thinks she made good choices and she's said no. Not sure what to do now (we were probably going to go to the beach but I sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day). AIBU?

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 05/04/2018 12:56

Grinvivienne

Inthedeepdarkwinter · 05/04/2018 12:58

Next time, just explain what you mean. I found at age 10 my children had quite a lot of difficulty estimating how much things would cost, so be explicit. I say 'can you get one chocolate bar, small size or one other treat, not a jumbo pack'.

It's fine to set limits on how much of £20 you want spending on shit food.

If you didn't say anything, then they will think it's fine to eat two chocolate bars, a milkshake and a bit of cake each time they go out. It isn't, that is too much. But you want to curb their enthusiasm a bit, not make them feel guilty or stay home, that's ridiculous.

You have to learn what's appropriate, and guilt and punishment isn't the way forward for this.

I don't agree with those saying say nothing though, as children also need guidance on what's appropriate amount-wise and cost-wise and to learn how to control their own eating in a sensible manner.

I did used to spend my lunch money on sweets though!

PancakeBum · 05/04/2018 13:04

and to learn how to control their own eating in a sensible manner.

Children have a naturally good gauge on their own appetites, provided a range of food is provided for them, including healthy food.

It's very dangerous to make them think of certain foods as "bad" and certain foods as "good". That's what makes people fat.

My DS adores blueberries as much as he loves chocolate buttons. He sees neither as a "treat" because they're not - they're just food.

halfwitpicker · 05/04/2018 13:05

I cannot believe you'd actually coop the kids up instead of a beach day.

WTAF.

notacooldad · 05/04/2018 13:06

Ha! We've been down this road a few years ago.
I was a bit annoyed because of the amount spent, I can't remember how much. I think I gave the lads a tenner to get some Haribos from the co op.
They must have thought they got the golden ticket.
They were so excited with how much they could get with the money I couldn't be cross for long!
I just gave them a bit of a talk about when they went next time!

Addy2 · 05/04/2018 13:07

Don't give them ice cream at the beach. I would, however, applaud them for their honesty.

doubtingmyself18 · 05/04/2018 13:09

🙄

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2018 13:09

Think how much fun it must have been!!!!

TenancyTroublesAgain · 05/04/2018 13:10

Yabu and ott

ReanimatedSGB · 05/04/2018 13:13

YABU. Get over yourself. Do NOT punish them in any way. Chocolate is nice, you sent them out for a 'treat' and they chose chocolate. it won't kill them. And FFS don't be one of those absolute twats who go all 'sugar is pooooiiiissssoooon' - way to give your kids eating disorders.

ToriRay · 05/04/2018 13:13

Think how much fun it must have been!!!!
This! A bit of naughtyness where no one was hurt. I don't think they went out of their way to disrespect you or be sneaky - I think they are 9 and 10 year olds who got a bit excited!

Dungeondragon15 · 05/04/2018 13:17

Don't give them ice cream at the beach. I would, however, applaud them for their honesty.

Yes, some children would have claimed that a cupcake and drink each cost £13.

FickleHuman · 05/04/2018 13:18

If my mum had given me £20, I'd have bought allllllll the stuff she'd told me I could only have in moderation.

I'd have stuffed myself until I felt sick.

That's as an adult. As a child I'd have been worse!

KurriKurri · 05/04/2018 13:20

I once gave my 9yr old DS a tenner and asked him to go to the shop and get me 5lb of potatoes, he came home with £5 of potatoes - how he managed to carry them I don;t know ! and they were serve yourself from a big sack - so he picked ones of every size from tiny to huge - as he thought I'd like a variety.Grin

I also once gave him money to get himself some lunch and he went into a supermarket and bought a whole watermelon - which he broke open with a stone and ate the whole lot Grin

You will laugh about this one day - they are kids, not master criminals. To a 10yr old a shared bit of cake and a couple of choc bars probably seems like the equivalent of a cupcake. And did you specify what drink they could have - most of the cold drinks will have been sugary - coke or whatever. They weren't likely to choose water or milk if going out for a treat.

lalalalyra · 05/04/2018 13:22

The only bit of that I'd be having words with them over is that they were given money to buy 1 thing to eat and 1 drink each and in buying 5 choc bars and 1 cake they bought 2 things to eat each.

Also kids of that age probably don't realise that milkshake (which is promoted as 'healthy' in a lot of places/adverts along with smoothies) can be full of sugar.

Not taking them to the beach, and therefore not having them active all day, totally goes against your own message...

Orangettes · 05/04/2018 13:22

You learn by your mistakes, your’s and their’s. Don’t use shame and guilt to drive home a message.

PennyDreadfull · 05/04/2018 13:25

YABU and totally overreaction.

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 05/04/2018 13:26

If it were mine I'd half heartedly tell them off as in "oh very good, I told you to not go mental on the sugar" and roll my eyes.

And then snigger to myself when they couldn't see and think cheeky little monkeys.

I don't think I'd be starting a thread saying 3 little girls have let me down Hmm

Idontknowwhatithink · 05/04/2018 13:26

YABU!

You give three kids £20 to spend.....they spent most of it on chocolate bars and milkshakes. That's exactly what I would expect kids of their age to do!

Stickaforkinimdone · 05/04/2018 13:27

My view may be clouded as I live in a rough part of London, but I'm a bit shocked you'd let primary school aged children out to a cafe by themselves if I'm honest

It's also an awful lot of money to give 3 children for a drink and a cake each

Costacoffeeplease · 05/04/2018 13:29

Yabvu, I can’t actually believe you’re so annoyed

FairiesVsPixies · 05/04/2018 13:29

sort of feel like they need to just tidy their rooms and feel guilty for most of the day
Good grief, feel guilty for the rest of the day? As others have said, way to go to give them an eating disorder.

Idontknowwhatithink · 05/04/2018 13:29

If you feel your children have let you down by overindulging on chocolate and milkshake....then I think you're going to find the teenage years very hard. There are far worse things they could do!

Nicknacky · 05/04/2018 13:30

stick They are ten. My ten year old is out with her friends a couple of miles away on her bike right now.

ItsASairFecht · 05/04/2018 13:31

Op, if in 20 years time this is the worst "problem" you have ever had with your much loved children you will be extremely lucky. It's not a big deal. Don't make it one.