Best friend won't come to my wedding.

[KatherineMayfair]

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

I don't like chocolate cake. I wouldn't come either

(Seriously though, her behaviour is appallingly rude and I really hope there's something more to it, like a pregnancy)

I don't want to say exactly how far away it is but under two months.

I texted her saying 'sorry to hear that you won't be able to join us, is everything okay? Thank you for your kind wishes'. I didn't want to probe too much but her response essentially was ' all is fine, DS has a bug so easter holiday is spent inside, having lots of duvet days and cuddles. Sorry that I can't be there, I do hope it all goes okay, I just want to enjoy my birthday with DS' and DH having a relaxing day in'

YANBU!

You only get one wedding. You get loads of birthdays.

Can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than at a big knees up for my best friend's wedding!

She's being a d*ck.

You could call her. What do you think?

Drippy

Two sets of my friends have married on my birthday.

Both times I got a special favour by my place and the groom got everyone there to sing me happy birthday via their speech. I'd on't like a fuss and found this fairly mortifying.

It was fun.

I will ring her later but not sure what to say

I don't think that she's pregnant (she wouldn't be heavily pregnant if she was). As far as I'm aware, she has the coil.

"Laying low at home with some peace and some cake."

So she's that bothered it's on her birthday then isn't actually doing anything to celebrate it just staying at home with a bit of cake?

Milestone birthdays ok but adults making a ridiculous fuss over their birthdays is weird to me. A meal out maybe, a drink at home. But all this me me me it's my birthday I must be a princess all day after childhood is just odd.

There's definitely more to this op. If she was planning a night at the Ritz for birthday then maybe I could see why, but to miss your wedding to sit at home is a bit suspect and I would dig further.

If there's genuinely nothing wrong then she's an arse!

Get how?

Why are you pussyfooting around her? Unless there's a bloody good reason, she's being an utter selfish rude bitch. Wanting a quiet day at home on you bestie's wedding day is incomprehensible to me. Friends don't do that.

well I think youre being a fool. Id certainly have said

"WTF! You knew its was on your birthday and I've ordered your dress, food etc etc. Why are you really backing out? Are you going to repay me for the dress/accessories etc etc???"

She is definitely NOT your best friend

I don't really understand why you're being so nice... I think that's nuts!

My longest standing friend is getting married on my birthday. So this year I get to spend my birthday with some of my oldest friends who its otherwise difficult to get together as we've all spread out a bit. I'm excited!

Your mate is being a prize bitch though, not even an acknowledgment of what her change of mind has cost you.

She could have lazy, quiet birthdays from now until Doomsday as far as I'd be concerned because I sure as hell wouldn't be celebrating any of them with her.

Seriously, OP, you're cutting her too much slack. Unless there's an illness she doesn't want to let on about, she's behaving appallingly.

I think prioritising your birthday over a friend's wedding is an option. But only if you do it right away - not months later when you've agreed to be a bridesmaid and confirmed that you (and family) were coming. OP she's treating you really badly. Sorry.

You are a nicer person than me op! I would be furious tbh - she should have said no from the outset if it was a problem. If she was just a guest I would not mind so much but she is your actual bridesmaid?? All I can think is that there is another reason. I couldn't really care less about my birthday these days

That's all really odd. I think I would reply "ok, I'm shocked and sad to hear that you won't be joining us but hope you enjoy your day." I'd probably even put in a passive aggressive "Would you like to keep the dress as I can't return it now it's been altered to fit you?" Something else is going on here. Who lets down a friend like that to stay in? I think I'd probably back right off from her friendship, as whatever her reasons she's been really hurtful.

All sounds very odd. Especially the text about ‘laying low’. WTF?

If she genuinely wants a day relaxing at home then she is no best friend.

Cut her out. Seriously OP. If she does this to your wedding day it's probably all downhill from there!

That's really cheeky of her. If somebody did that to me I'd drop them. This is unforgivably selfish. She knew the score and has chosen to drop you in it. Sounds like she's jealous to me or there are other issues. Quite possibly they can't afford to come. Send her a bill for the dress and the meals. She won't pay but you will have made a point.

Why are you being so accepting of her lame-arsed explanation?

I would just leave it at that and not contact her again. Find another bridesmaid! Shes being ridiculous. In a way its good that you have seen her true colours early on in this as she sounds like someone who might make your wedding all about her and getting attention for herself.

No way in hell id prioritise my birthday over the wedding of a close friend. You have a birthday every year and you can also celebrate it with friends any time you bloody want not just on the actual day. I often move my birthday celebrations to a saturday so people can come!
Your wedding is on a specific date and will probably be the only one you ever have in your life!

Shes being loops and attention seeking so just ignore. You sent a kind message to see if there was anything deeper going on but clearly by her response shes either just a sulky self obsessed bitch or completely ignorant and rude.

Find a better bridesmaid and friend!! Dont pander any more to this none sense, nor worry about it.
Good luck with your wedding