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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend won't come to my wedding.

765 replies

KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 10:46

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Original poster
KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 11:21

Mix Grin

OP posts:
summercat · 05/04/2018 11:22

This would only have been OK if it had been a big birthday (and she had had plans,) and if she had chuffing TOLD you she would not attend (because of it being a big birthday,) in the FIRST place.

How odd. Some friend. Hmm

YANBU.

As a few posters have said, there is something else going on.

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 05/04/2018 11:22

Pick up the phone and ask her straight! I think her "peace and quiet" comment is a hint that something's going on with her.

summercat · 05/04/2018 11:22

Agree with MIX.

What have you got to lose?

Ask her what is going on!

Lacucuracha · 05/04/2018 11:22

I had my wedding on my best friend's (non-milestone) birthday too. Wasn't an issue at all, she understood we were getting a great deal on the venue on a bank holiday.

OP, I agree there is something off about her wedding.

Whatever you do, please don't pleas with her to attend. I wouldn't mention the wedding at all to her now. Do you think your friendship will survive this?

How were things at her wedding? Were you a BM?

Ilikepinkso · 05/04/2018 11:23

Appalling excuse. It was one of my wedding party’s spouses birthday and there was absolutely no issue whatsoever. Unless, it was a significant birthday with a party all arranged. I don’t see her issue other than she has just changed her mind and can’t think up an excuse! Personally, I ditch this flakey ‘ friend.’

Lacucuracha · 05/04/2018 11:23

*of about her text (not wedding!)

AngelL7 · 05/04/2018 11:23

My friend got married on my birthday, I thought it was lovely. She’s an asshole xx

SheSellSeaShells · 05/04/2018 11:23

"why don't you just tell me what the fuck is going on ?"

This! Its weird - especially as she agreed to being bridesmaid etc beforehand. I;d love to go to a wedding on my birthday!

Lacucuracha · 05/04/2018 11:25

9/10 times it's jealousy, sadly.

category12 · 05/04/2018 11:27

Worth calling her and finding out if something else is going on. If she's ill or pregnant or there's a family crisis or something has upset her regarding the wedding, at least you'll know. If not, then be angry and offended all you like.

MrsHathaway · 05/04/2018 11:27

We had a chocolate wedding cake (actually I think it was chocolate orange but YSWIM). Excellent decision.

I think this is such odd behaviour I'd be wondering if she was actually quite well. Any history of MH problems particularly including ED?

crunchtime · 05/04/2018 11:27

phone her or go around and see her and say 'i am really worried-what on earth is going on?'

she's your best friend fgs-if you can't talk to your best friend about this then why on earth is she your best friend?

TheChiefBMS · 05/04/2018 11:27

She is clearly hinting that something is very wrong. Is she unwell? Message her back to ask if everything is alright. I suspect in time you will know the real reason she didn't make it to the wedding and it had nothing to do with her birthday.

ItsNachoCheese · 05/04/2018 11:27

Id straight out ask her wtf is going on

Mumsnut · 05/04/2018 11:29

Is she coming on the hen?

(PS, for what it's worth, I bet she wanted her children to be flower girl / page)

LisaSimpsonsbff · 05/04/2018 11:29

How many months away? Like, 6? Because I honestly wonder if that message was supposed to be a set-up for you to go 'why?' and her to say 'because it's my due date!' and she's sort of messed it up and you didn't respond quite how she expected and now it's turned into this rather than the pregnancy announcement that she imagined. What did you respond to that message - or have you not responded at all?

GhostKitty · 05/04/2018 11:30

Yanbu, if she had an issue she should have said so at the beginning and not let it get this far, especially after you going to all that organisation and expense for her

In my case me and dh had to get married in December, his best friend of over 20 years lives in japan and only comes back to the uk in December, my dd's birthday is also in December, we wasn't going to get married on her birthday as we didn't think she would like it, (she was going to be turning 11)

But in actual fact she WANTED us to choose that date, actually begged us to, she said as long as she still got a birthday cake (which she did) then she was happy, so we chose that date, got our cake maker to make her a special cake and it was all good Grin

jellycat1 · 05/04/2018 11:33

I think it's fucking outrageous. Her behaviour would be enough for me to cut her out for good. So the fuck what it's her birthday. Not even a milestone. And she let you believe she was coming for long enough for you to be out of pocket and a bridesmaid down. How ridiculous. I'm pissed off for you OP.

ShiftyMcGifty · 05/04/2018 11:34

Thanks. Consider the dress and meals I already paid XX amount for as your birthday gift.

Littlechocola · 05/04/2018 11:35

I would have used your wedding as a chance to celebrate. I’m quite selfish though Grin

manicinsomniac · 05/04/2018 11:37

This is weird. I was going to say your friend's behaviour is awful but after your update with her message I'd be really worried about her. I'd definitely phone to see if she wanted to talk about anything.

It can't just be the birthday thing. I was a bridesmaid on my 6th birthday (somebody mentioned being 6 would be excusable upthread). I adored it - wore the prettiest dress I'd ever had, sat at the top table and everyone sang happy birthday to me in the speeches. Even if she did have a problem with the date then she would have said at the time, surely.

toolazytothinkofausername · 05/04/2018 11:37

Your "best friend" is being completely unreasonable!!!

At my birthday it was 1 guest birthday and 1 anniversary. During the reception we bought out 2 cakes and sang "Happy birthday to you" and "Happy anniversary to you".

ReanimatedSGB · 05/04/2018 11:37

You've known her for a long time - how unusual is this sort of thing from her? If she's always been an attention-seeking drama llama but you've just put up with it over the years (as people often do with longstanding friends - you kind of get used to their tiresome ways because you remember their good points and go 'Oh, it's just Gloria being Gloria again') then it will be more of the same.

If she's always been lovely and generally reasonable, then there is definitely something going on and I agree with PP that you need to either phone her or go and see her and ask her what the problem is, given that she was previously happy about the wedding date.

doubtingmyself18 · 05/04/2018 11:38

Fuck her off OP she sounds like an absolute idiot

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