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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend won't come to my wedding.

765 replies

KatherineMayfair · 05/04/2018 10:46

Best friend is a bit of a stretch right now but she is my longest friend (time wise, not height wise). She was going to be a bridesmaid and my wedding is in a few months, however I got a message today from her saying she won't be attending as it's on her birthday. It is on her birthday but she knew that when she agreed and I bought her dress. If she'd have said it from the get-go then that would've been fine (I'd have still been a bit hurt but I'd have understood) but the fact that she's turned around now, after me paying for her and her husband and two children's meals for the wedding, RSPV'd yes and buying her dress, AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 09/04/2018 13:13

To me a 'dry sense of humour' usually applies to someone who's quite witty

OVienna · 09/04/2018 13:16

I am going to throw one last thing out there - has your DH2B had a stag yet? 1)Could her DH be pissed he wasn't invited? 2) If he was, could something have happened they are afraid to tell you about?

Dancingleopard · 09/04/2018 13:25

To me a 'dry sense of humour' usually applies to someone who's quite witty

I always see it as excuse for some one being sarcastic

Boulshired · 09/04/2018 15:00

Well this thread shows a “dry sense of humour” means many things to different people. As for me it’s an intellectual and word play like Sean Lock.

Devora13 · 09/04/2018 15:06

Yes a dry sense of humour. So much more rude (and sarcastic) than 'get yer tits out for the lads' and 'what a biffer she is now.'

frankenburger · 09/04/2018 15:06

When you get past a certain age birthdays become pretty meaningless. If that's the reason then she sounds pretty childish!

amusedbush · 09/04/2018 15:11

frankenburger

It's not the reason - OP has updated a few times.

ReversingSnail · 09/04/2018 16:06

A dry sense of humour is deadpan, intelligent and very funny. It's the opposite of obvious, slapstick jokes.

hdh747 · 09/04/2018 18:34

A dry sense of humour is deadpan and intelligent and witty. It contains a lot of observation, sarcasm and sometimes banter, delivered in such a way as to not 'play up' the comedy but rather leave the person on the other end to 'get it'. Done well it can by very funny and enjoyable. But by it's nature some people will not 'get' it, some people will struggle to decide if the deliver is actually joking or not. And some passive-aggressives will use this kind of humour as a weapon as they know only too well it is ambiguous.

As with most forms of communication it depends on the intent and on whether the message we hear is what was intended.

Devora13 · 09/04/2018 22:55

It could be, then, that the best friend's husband is insecure as, due to his-er-less perceptive nature, he is unable to discern whether STBDH is taking the p* out of him. Which, if the best he can do is to boost his fragile ego by making derogatory comments about his wife and the mother of his children, he probably deserves, whether it intended or not.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/04/2018 06:08

hdh explains how I think of a dry sense of humour very well.

CircleofWillis · 11/04/2018 06:19

I agree with DH and thumbwitch’s interpretation of ‘dry sense of humour’
In addition people who are not used to humour of this sort might feel as if someone is making fun of them and as a result feel resentful. This likelihood is increased if there is an audience presence. (I’m looking at you insecure alpha-male type).

Cobblersandhogwash · 11/04/2018 06:44

I don't get adults making a massive fuss over their birthdays. Have a small cake. Enjoy a card or two. Get over yourself.

Op, your friend is either totally childish and narcissistic or there is something else going on with her that she's too petulant to tell you about.

Sack her as a friend and happy wedding day!

MadMags · 11/04/2018 07:59

I reckon the friend’ DH feels uncomfortable with OP’s fiancé then, and possibly friend does, too.

Because they’re either not getting his humour or he’s a bit of a dick and excusing it by claiming he’s being “dry”.

Either way, I don’t think she’s worth having a friendship with after this.

millimat · 11/04/2018 08:01

How it going OP?

Sice · 11/04/2018 21:07

Sorry about your best friend maybe it's time you reviewed your relationship people have a way of turning things around when it's your time .

forcryinoutloud · 11/04/2018 21:31

She has a birthday every year, you only have one wedding (or hope to have) one wedding in your life. She sounds like a 6 year old. YANBU.

Sice · 12/04/2018 08:21

True you need to let your friend go sometimes the hardest part is accceptance

Lively123 · 14/01/2019 15:19

My brother got married on my birthday. Not a problem, I always remember his wedding anniversary 😂

icannotremember · 14/01/2019 15:27

...weird zombie thread to choose to resurrect there, Lively123!

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2019 15:34

Gosh, so basically her partner doesn't like yours to Such an extent he refuses to come and she feels he is justified and will support him rather than you?

Unless she's in a controlling relationship, I'd say there is more to this you are seeing or she is willing to tell you.

Bluntness100 · 14/01/2019 15:34

Sigh zombie thread.

Missingstreetlife · 14/01/2019 16:05

My brother got married on mine, and he came to my 40th on his anniversary

Lively123 · 14/01/2019 16:08

Didn't realise it was so old 🙈. Combination of baby brain and dippiness 😂😂

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/01/2019 16:11

Since it has been resurrected - @KatherineMayfair, what happened in the end? How is your friend, still with the arse husband? Hope you had a lovely wedding, anyway.

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