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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel left out

251 replies

feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:30

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 03/04/2018 08:33

Are you unable to drive?

Sirzy · 03/04/2018 08:33

Do you not drive?

I think expecting others to wait around for you is unreasonable really

LIZS · 03/04/2018 08:37

Could you not take train after school, if not all the way somewhere you could meet them. How far away is it, could you not arrive in time for dinner if so?

HRTpatch · 03/04/2018 08:37

Can you not get a Fruday evening train?

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:38

I do drive but cannot have our family car as it's needed. Trains to where we are going are few and far between there are none Friday evening I'd have to go Saturday morning.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/04/2018 08:39

Can you hire a car?

SheSparkles · 03/04/2018 08:39

Can’t you just drive yourself?

Mydoghatesthebath · 03/04/2018 08:40

Well I think you should get the Friday train. Off peak it’s fsirly cheap. You can’t expect them all to change for you really

bimbobaggins · 03/04/2018 08:42

I can understand why you feel like this however if I was going away on a Friday for a weekend I would want to be away as early as possible. I’m always up at the crack of dawn.
What was the reaction when you told them you weren’t going. That should tell you what you need to know

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:42

As I stated already no trains Friday evening and cost is £40, a lot when I was expecting to throw a tenner into a pot for petrol. Car hire is £45 so also not an option.

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 03/04/2018 08:43

Can your oh not give you a lift in the family car and then go home and you get a lift home with the others

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 03/04/2018 08:44

I do drive but cannot have our family car as it's needed.

Good thing the other people you were relying on to drive you aren't so constrained, really.

TinLizzy · 03/04/2018 08:44

Well, I guess if they won't wait, which I kind of get tbh, then it's up to you to get there or bow out.
How long a drive is it?

MakeItRain · 03/04/2018 08:44

Yes I would definitely wait for my friend in those circumstances. How far away is it? I think not going as you'd only have one night is fair enough, but I would feel upset too.

ShatnersWig · 03/04/2018 08:44

Looks like you can't go then. Did you really not bring all this up at the beginning when this was initially discussed, seeing as you appear to have been the organiser?

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:44

Bimbobaggins nothing really, I got one person said that's a shame but no other solutions offered 😕

Perhaps I am being unreasonable, I'm just really disappointed at missing out after planning it last summer.

OP posts:
Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:44

Bimbobaggins nothing really, I got one person said that's a shame but no other solutions offered 😕

Perhaps I am being unreasonable, I'm just really disappointed at missing out after planning it last summer.

OP posts:
Heartshapedfairylights · 03/04/2018 08:46

I think that’s a joke! I really feel for you op. It’s the kind of thing my ex group of friends would do, hence why they are ex.
You have gone to the trouble of organising the weekend and they go without you.
I’m sorry Flowers. No advice really but poor you. I’m assuming you would have looked into Friday evening trains that others are suggesting.

bimbobaggins · 03/04/2018 08:47

That’s a shame feel. Can your oh drive you so they can keep the family car then get a lift back.

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:47

When first discussed we talked about going Friday after work, which is why I was surprised when so the others had all booked the day off. I mentioned when it was booked that the check in was 5pm so I sort of assumed we were all on the same page.

To the person who said it's a good job all the drivers aren't so constrained in regards to their cars. We had talked about who would drive when it was booked. I didn't just assume someone would do it.

OP posts:
SingingTunelessly · 03/04/2018 08:48

I am really shocked that no-one will wait for you! Shock. How mean of these so called friends.

Rachie1986 · 03/04/2018 08:48

If you've organised it that does seem a bit harsh :-(. I'm a teacher too and some people just don't get that we can't "book" leave etc x

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:49

I talked to DH but it's really too far for him to just drop me off

OP posts:
LIZS · 03/04/2018 08:50

How far is it? If it is only an hour or two away then yanbu to ask someone to wait, but if 4 you are. If 10 are going are they taking 4 cars or 3? Presumably you can still have a lift back. But why suggest a 5pm arrival if you couldn't make it Confused

Unforgiving2 · 03/04/2018 08:52

Normally I would say you are unreasonable to expect them to lose a day away waiting for you, but since it's them that's changed the arrangements agreed initially and you have arranged it I think they are all behaving really selfish. They obviously don't value you and arents true friends.

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