To feel left out

[feelleftout]

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

I understand why you're feeling miffed.

I'd have to say something, I think. Or not go, because spending extra money you don't have, when someone should have given you a lift would make me feel quite resentful if I'm honest.

10 people, 4 cars.

Can one of the drivers can get a lift with another driver meaning 9 people in 3 cars and you drive up in the borrowed car after you finish work?

Well done op

Megabus sounds great

YANBU. If I'd organised a weekend away on the basis of leaving after work and then everyone else unilaterally changed the arrangements I'd be pretty annoyed too. It would be different if someone else had organised it but in this situation I think it's unacceptable.

Glad you’ve got a solution 👍🏻

OP you weren’t even slightly unreasonable. Some people here will say black was white for the sake of it.

I've said on several occasions £40-£45 might as well be £1000 at the moment. If I'd known I needed to find transport I'd have made other arrangements and/or saved more. But cannot produce it on 3 weeks notice

In your situation op, yes I would feel left out and particularly as it sounds as if none of the friends is especially bothered about trying to come up with a solution to help. If I was in the group I'd suggest one car load waiting back to leave with you. After all, even if they all leave in the morning they're only going to get an afternoon extra for a walk or something.

I would feel the same about asking the family to not have the car, and you would still feel like the 'outsider' in the group, turning up on your own in the midst of their frivolitiies and it doesn't sound like they'd even notice your arrival.

Have you said you might not go at all and what's been the reaction?

Personally I’d wait for a friend and I’d pick you up directly from school and go straight there. I’d happily miss a few hours extra to help a friend (although I suffer from PTSD so would have had the whole weekend planned out with military precision from the off lol)

Don't know why you are getting such a hard time OP - I'd be bloody annoyed if I'd organised a weekend away for friends, organised that we would go after work and that I wouldn't drive as my family need the car at weekends - and then the whole lot of them swan off early leaving me without a lift!

Sod 'em. I'd cancel the entire weekend. Can you do that? And let them organise teir own frigging weekend away, selfish gits.

I think your friends are mean and selfish and you aren't being unreasonable feeling annoyed/upset/left out

I can't believe some of the answers on here.

Is it so hard to understand that lots of people live in and go to places that don't have great public transport or that the OP might not want her DH and children to have to give up all their weekend activities so that she can go away?

Can you imagine the uproar if a poster started a thread about her and her children being left without a car and no public transport for a weekend so that her partner could go off on a jolly?

It's a tough one OP, it's shame none of your friends will wait for you but I can understand why they want to get the most out of their days off, not much point in spending it waiting for you to finish work

Sod 'em. I'd cancel the entire weekend. Can you do that? And let them organise teir own frigging weekend away, selfish gits.

hahaha I'd feel a bit that way too

Apologies for suggesting £40 wasn't a big deal; I'm glad you've found a solution that should work.

I still think this says a lot about your friends' attitudes though.

OP, I think you have been treated rather shabbily by your friends. You did the work to arrange the trip and you don't even get to go. I don't understand why people think that you can just take the car for the weekend and the kids can skip their activities. I grew up in the middle of nowhere- to take away the car would have made a weekend quite difficult. And as for "just hire a car", that's at least another forty quid on top of the weekend budget which may not be possible. Your friends should do better.

Glad you've found a solution.

I can understand wanting to make the most of the weekend & not necessarily do the drive after work.

So even for a 5pm check in.people might have been wanting to leave at 2ish?

have found a megabus that will take me within 20 minutes of destination by 10am

Just for the million posters who will miss it 😂

Pretty lousy friends if u ask me. I mean I presume if they friends they know u a teacher so can't take random days off. I'd b hurt that not one of them would wait. We live rural too & no public transport I would hate to be stuck with kids with dh gone n no car for weekend for my own sanity if nothing else - 5 Miles from nearest shop!

bigchris 😂😂😂

Glad you've found a solution op - I bloody well hope that they are there in plenty of time to meet the bus and don't leave you waiting around.

Enjoy your weekend!

Just to clarify not a teacher a teaching assistant so not massively paid hence the tight finances. 😁

Glad to hear you've found a solution, just wanted to say I think your friends are pretty shitty. I would definitely wait for a friend if they couldn't get the time off.

Rubbish! I'd never organise anything with these friends again.

OP my best friend always has these issues. For a long time we ended up planning our entire night out/trip away solely around her. Then people got fed up and then it was just me waiting around or turning up late with her. Her husband is exactly the same with the ‘family’ car. Many a time I had to drive out an hour from our destination to collect her then an extra hour back dropping her off.

I can understand their point sorry