To feel left out

[feelleftout]

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

Why can't your dh go without a car for the weekend

This. Presumably the OP is travelling from somewhere with no public transport to somewhere with no public transport.

OP, why is you car so necessary for the weekend that you cannot go away in it? Can't the rest of your family use public transport, walk or do something a bit different to support you?

Big Chris, we went for the weekend that was convenient for everyone and as at the time I thought we were all leaving after work it wasn't a problem

feelleftout, Big Chris also asked another question you are ignoring: why can't you just take your own car?

cuboid OP has already said she can't use the family car as it is needed by her family. As the group had already worked out who was driving she didn't need to find a weekend when she could have the car etc.

Ok my DH needs the car as there are several activities the kids go to over the weekend that would end up as expensive to get to on public transport as me getting the train!

And before you ask I'm not going to ask my family to do nothing all weekend

as it is needed by her family.

"Needed" is a very variable thing. Plans change.

Rachie, she doesn't say why though

We might be able to advise e.g. maybe her in-laws or parents might help her dh with ferrying around kids, maybe if it's swimming lessons they could miss them for once, maybe if it's for Tesco shop they could online deliver
Maybe her husband doesn't want her to go so won't let her have the car

God what would he do if heaven forbid it broke down

bigchris she’s obviously got her reasons!

Maybe the kids have clubs/need transporting around/they live in a remote area?

Ok my DH needs the car as there are several activities the kids go to over the weekend that would end up as expensive to get to on public transport as me getting the train!

It would cost FORTY POUNDS to use public transport to get to a couple of weekend activities for an adult and some children? I find all this extraordinary. Where on earth do you live?

Ha ha brilliant cross post

You either want to go or you don't

I don't drive, I still entertain my kids all weekend , Christ I don't know how I do it sometimes

diddl I had told them about the 5 pm check in when we booked it. I think that in the excitement and all the different discussions it got forgotten about

Another one wondering why your DH and kids can manage without the car for a weekend! Even if you live in the back of beyond - if there's enough food in the house, nobody will starve, and missing any regular activities won't kill them for one weekend. Though one way or another you're going to have to find 40 quid if you want to go, surely you aren't going to find a train trip 2.5 hours away for less than that?! Either that or petrol for the car.

Ach tell your friends you're staying home then op

Bet you a million pounds ( or 40) one of them will offer to stay behind until 4pm and drive you

It sounds a little bit to me like you're throwing a hissy fit saying to your friends 'fine, I won't go then, martyr that I am!' and finding implausible reasons why it's absolutely impossible, rather than working out how you can do it. Sure, it would have been nice if they'd waited, but on the other hand, I'd certainly like to get an extra day from a weekend away if I possibly could.

Hire a car. Surely £45 isn't going to break the bank when it's a weekend you've been looking forward to since last summer? You'll regret it if you don't! Imagine sitting at home that weekend, thinking "they're all having fun now..."

If I was paying for a weekend away, starting on Friday, I’d want to be there early on Friday.

Saturday is the only full day there if you’re coming home again Sunday, so no I’d not want to waste all day Friday by waiting for someone who can not finish work before 4pm.

If this were me, I'm sure dh would readily agree that the kids could miss their activities for once so I could take the car. If you are off doing personal fun things every weekend, then that's different, but if this is a rare chance to get away with some friends then it's entirely reasonable that the rest of the family should accommodate that.

Have you actually asked if someone can stay a bit later and take you?

Agree with PPs - get your DH to drive you half way and ask one of the others to double back for you. If I was yr friend I’d do that.

If there are 10 of you can you all throw in £5 each to cover hire car?

This is the shit side of working in a school when others don't. I'm surprised none of your friends picked up on it and sad that not one has offered to drive with you later.

I'd probably still go on the Saturday (£40 seems pretty OK for special train trip) but gauge the reactions/attitude and think about whether I'd bother again in the future.

This is the shit side of working in a school when others don't. I'm surprised none of your friends picked up on it and sad that not one has offered to drive with you later.

I'd probably still go on the Saturday (£40 seems pretty OK for special train trip) but gauge the reactions/attitude and think about whether I'd bother again in the future.

I DO want to go! The kids and DH had arranged to do things as Dad time while I was away. Is that so wrong? I was under the (mistaken) assumption that I wouldn't NEED to take our car.

And the argument about what on earth would happen if it broke down well then you'd plan around that!!

Anyway, back to the problem at hand...I have found a megabus that will take me within 20 minutes of destination by 10am Saturday for £10 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 thank you so much to the poster that suggested that. I'll have to get up at some god awful hour but hey ho, can't have everything.

Surely the point here is that the OP made a booking that was agreed beforehand by everyone and now the others are changing the booking.

Changing your mind after the booking is made and agreed should have also been convenient and agreed by everyone.

I would never do that to my friends and nor would they do it to me.