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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel left out

251 replies

feelleftout · 03/04/2018 08:30

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

OP posts:
Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 09:01

Jake, I could ask but the children I support are extremely sensitive to change and to be honest I think it would be unlikely I would be given it for a holiday

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 03/04/2018 09:01

Could one of the drivers with the smallest car leave it with you for you to drive up? You would just need to be added to their insurance for the weekend...

BakedBeans47 · 03/04/2018 09:01

YANBU that sounds a bit crap Flowers

Notallthat · 03/04/2018 09:01

I think you're right to be annoyed and upset, they have changed the plan to suit themselves without any regard for you at all and if everyone of them has suddenly got the Friday booked off they obviously conversed amongst themselves without you knowing about it. Ditch the so called friends.

babba2014 · 03/04/2018 09:02

I think they and take a step back from organising now. It is a bummer but it is also sad not one person can wait but on the other hand it would mean they'd lose out on time too. It's a shame they didn't mention it to you earlier about their days off and of course your are not being unreasonable to feel left out after all, you did all the organising.
Won't you lose money by not going? How much would you lose? Try and weigh out the pros and cons.

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 09:02

Boom boom it's still £40 I haven't got!

OP posts:
FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 03/04/2018 09:02

Just mean of them. Can't imagine this happening in my group.

ShatnersWig · 03/04/2018 09:02

OP, umpteen people have asked whether you could get a train to somewhere nearer and have a friend come and fetch you, or whether your OH could take you half way there and be collected by a friend from there, but you seem to have ignored those questions as to those options?

SandraGreen · 03/04/2018 09:03

Where on earth is it that you cannot get a train there at 4pm on a Friday? Confused

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 09:03

Shatnerswig I'm looking up train options now give me a chance! 😂

OP posts:
mamaduckbone · 03/04/2018 09:03

I would feel hurt by this too, and I totally understand how an extra £40+ that you weren’t expecting to spend is out of the question.
Can’t Dh manage without the car for one weekend? Or another family member? My mum has me insured on her car for £10 a year, and as she doesn’t drive all that much I borrow her car from time to time. It took us years to work this out as an option!

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 03/04/2018 09:04

Could you ask for a half day? I can see that they would want to make the most of the time there. Leaving at 4 would mean you don’t get there until gone 6:30, then it would be a mad rush to settle in, organise food etc. Could you get the train half way and then one of them come and pick you up?

Thebluedog · 03/04/2018 09:06

I’d feel really fed up too, especially as you’ve organised it all.

Can your dh nit drop you off at a larger train station that has a train to that destination after work? Or get a taxi to a different train station?

sailorcherries · 03/04/2018 09:07

If you cannot check in until 5pm can the others actually use any of the facilities before then? In a lot of these types of places you can't until you are checked in.

I think it's so rude of them to change the plans last minute knowing your working situation is very different in terms of holidays.

bimbobaggins · 03/04/2018 09:07

As much as I said earlier I would want to leave as early as possible and I understand your friends wanting to do so , I do feel really sorry for the situation you are in and hope you manage to find a way to go. It would be a shame to miss your weekend away .

Heartshapedfairylights · 03/04/2018 09:08

wig presumably they will have got ensconced, started drinking, etc by then and won’t want to take precious time out of their weekend to pick OP up later in the evening....

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 09:10

Ok so nearest other train station is still an hour and half from our destination and I definitely would not expect one of them to do 3 hours extra driving!

OP posts:
confusedofengland · 03/04/2018 09:10

Have you looked at coaches? Often cheaper & more frequent than trains, even if you have to change somewhere.

Original poster
feelleftout · 03/04/2018 09:11

Ooh confused I didn't think of coaches hang on...

OP posts:
Rachie1986 · 03/04/2018 09:13

To those suggesting you ask for a half day etc, in schools you can't just take leave - your leave is all allocated as school holidays. There is no option to "book leave" in term time. And any request for absence (even unpaid which is what it can often end up being) would almost certainly be refused for a holiday!

Put it like this, some teachers aren't able to take 1 hour out to watch their own children's plays etc. Most funerals are taken unpaid (and sometimes not allowed if it's not family). Holidays are not allowed - you take them in the school holidays you get allocated (at twice the price but that's another thread!). Weddings often refused if not family.

Most schools would look very disparagingly at a request for "holiday" in term time.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 03/04/2018 09:13

Where on earth is it that you cannot get a train there at 4pm on a Friday?

But can on a Saturday morning? Do such services even exist? Is there a rail journey you can make on a Saturday morning but cannot on a Friday evening, anywhere other than obscure cases involving engineering blockades or the last train from Penzance to Aberdeen?

bigchris · 03/04/2018 09:15

Why didn't you organise it for a school holiday weekend
Why can't your dh go without a car for the weekend

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 03/04/2018 09:15

When you work in a school or college you have holidays the 13 weeks of the year when the children aren’t in. Schools are very strict about this. They are also very strict about sickness too. OP your friends are not being very nice.

bigchris · 03/04/2018 09:16

Just in case you miss it again

Why can't your dh go without a car for the weekend

diddl · 03/04/2018 09:18

Did they book days off before realising it was a 5pm check in?

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