To feel left out

[feelleftout]

NC as potentially outing.

I helped to organise a weekend away for 10 friends - Friday to Sunday - with the understanding we would travel by car with 4 people driving.

Discussing getting there I confirmed check in was from 5pm. Disgruntled looks all around and I find out everyone else has planned on leaving in the morning "to get the most out of the weekend". Fair enough but I cannot leave before 4pm.

I call the booking and make arrangements for an earlier check in. So everyone now happy and start organising lifts. I repeat I cannot leave until 4 so I get "book the day off!" - I can't I work in a school and it's term time. Then "can't you chuck a sickie?" - I wouldn't, I support vulnerable children who can't cope with change. I say I'll look into getting the train then.

Train would cost £40 and I wouldn't get there until noon on Saturday. So I've told the group I can't come.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that one driver out of the 4 could wait for me to join the weekend? I'd do it if roles were reversed. I couldn't see one person missing out.

You aren't being unreasonable at all- I'd be upset by this. Can your DH really not take you?

I'd express my disappointment with your friends. I'd happily wait to give you a lift if you were my friend.

They sound horrible op. I have arranged lots of group holidays and would be really hurt if all nine acted this way.

Blimey! I surprised at some of the responses up thread. Clearly some of the previous posters are the kind of ‘friends’ described in the original post.

I would wait for you but can't see why you don't go on saturday or rent a car. How long is the journey by car?

Feels like your spitting out the dummy a little but it's hard to know over the internet

LIZS I didn't suggest that time, the check in for the booking is from 5pm. It's 2 and 1/2 hours away.

How far exactly?
Made up example.

Can your DH not drive you an hour and your friends drive half an hour back after five to collect you?

Considering their total lack of help on this, apart from suggestions of bunking off work, I'd drop them as friends. What if you floated the idea of them contributing to your train fare? Worth a shot, and if they refuse to even help there bin them off.

I would hire the car, or just take the family car. Can your DH & DCs get by without a car? Alternatively, actually ask one of the drivers if they will pick you up at 4.

well get the train early on Saturday then.

Can you not take a down from/to a neighbouring town that does go on a Friday evening? There must be some local transport links that you could be picked up from in a 30 mile radius?

train*

Thanks for the perspective. I was feeling very sorry for myself but maybe not justified. As for throwing my dummy out, perhaps but I can't magic up extra money 3 weeks before the trip so yeah, a bit frustrated.

I completely see why you are upset. People can be bastards! Was about to suggest the same thing though - get your dh to drive you to a different (closer) more major station and/or get someone to paick you up from somewhere similar the other end - is that a possibility? Or look into a bus from a more major station.

I have to say there are some quite nasty people on here. Of course them all changing the goalposts when you did all the booking is particularly nasty.

Tell them you are happy to cancel as you did all the booking and not one of them will wait for you...i say wait - i mean not one will stick to the original plan...and let them book their own weekend up.

I'm surprised by your friends and replies on here. I would feel hurt by this and would definitely volunteer to wait for a friend so we could all be there on Friday evening.

I would just pay the £45 for a hire car rather than miss out on my whole trip.

That’s awful. It’s not like OP just dropped new info into a conversation - they had planned to leave at a time which suited her and then , behind her back, have all changed this plan so it no longer works. I’d be livid tbh.

Can your DH take you part way and someone meet you on Friday night?

I can understand that if people have already booked time off then they don't want to waste that time but if they could do a shorter trip back to get you (and you offer to bring car snacks or something ) then someone might be willing to help out

Sandra I would but I really haven't got it to spend

Can you ask school if you could leave at lunchtime or 1pm?

It just sounds like a mis-understanding. 9 other people assumed that you were leaving in the morning to get the most out of the weekend and you assumed otherwise.
I don't blame them for not wanting to miss out on a whole day, driving somewhere through rush hour also will take much longer.

Have a you looked into getting nearer by train on the Friday evening? I'm sure that someone would then come and pick you up.

Lemony, I don't think it was done behind my back in a spiteful way just not thought I wouldn't do the same

You say there are no trains on Friday evening to where you are going. Are there trains to somewhere nearby, say within a 30 minutes drive where one of them could come and pick you up?

I think you will just have to go Saturday morning. Seems silly to say you can't go at all as you would get there the following day? If people have booked the day off I can see why they wouldn't want to travel at peak time on a Friday. I do see why you are fed up about it but not going at all seems pretty stubborn and childish. Go Saturday. You will be calmer by then and you will still have a night away.