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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help my parents?

263 replies

FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:35

My parents have decided to go to Scotland for the week, leaving their two cats at home with no cat sitter organised. They came round for lunch today and asked if I would mind popping into feed the cats at least once this week. Baring in mind they are leaving tomorrow, and have only just sprung this on me today.

Ordinarily this would be absolutely fine but as my daughter is away with her dad for the week, I have organised work every day. They also live at least a 2 and a half hour round trip away from me (and thats excluding any traffic times!)

I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things. I am self-employed so my work relies on me being reliable and keeping booked appointments.

It ended up in a massive row and with them leaving my house as my mum couldn't accept this and said I should just 'agree to go' as they do so much for me, and they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it's wrong to just ask someone to change work commitments and plans the day before you are due to go somewhere?!

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 03/04/2018 16:31

That's great, OP, the neighbour is very kind. Hopefully that means the cats will now stay in the house? It's still the case that they shouldn't be left outside the whole time.

Megs4x3 · 03/04/2018 16:36

Where we take our cat is a fairly big place and they run at less than 10% occupancy all year round. Several times I have decided to go away at short notice and had no trouble getting her in, even on one occasion, just turning up without calling ahead. (Their suggestion previously - they said they always have room.)

Call around a cattery or two if you can, it might be easier to get them in somewhere than you think. Your landlord might be more accommodating that you think too, but in his case it might be easier to get forgiveness than permission. :-)

By the way, I think your parents are being utterly unreasonable. this is not an emergency. Pets and children need forward planning, always.

Megs4x3 · 03/04/2018 16:40

Didn't see the update about the neighbour, OP. that really is the best possible solution and I hope relations between you and your parents settle. they are not being reasonable, but as your Mum has a history of this kind of thing and it's blown over before it probably will do again. I hope they enjoy their holiday and come home in the wonderfully good mood that you get the benefit of. :-)

staffiegirl · 03/04/2018 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/04/2018 16:59

Fgs. How ridiculous. All that drama fro nothing!

Do they enjoy manipulating you op?

Lizzie48 · 03/04/2018 17:03

It's good that you were able to say no to your parents, that means that next time they will know that you're no pushover and hopefully make arrangements for their cats in advance. If you have pets you need to take responsibility for their care when you're away. It wouldn't occur to me not to make arrangements in good time. That's what catteries are for.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 03/04/2018 17:04

I am hoping to have a discussion with them once tensions have blown over regarding the cats. I am going to tell them that with where me and my brother live, and the proximity to their house, it's not feasible to rely on us every time they go away. Their first port of call should be local friends/neighbours, and if its an emergency situation then of course we will help them as best we can.

With regards to animal welfare, they have always had an odd indifference to their cats. Their attitude is very much, 'well cats live outside in the wild so they can be out 99% of the time'. They don't seem to grasp that the animals have been domesticated and rely on humans. The older cat is getting to the point where she will have accidents so they have decided she is best kept outside so that they don't have to deal with it. My dad in particular is very scathing towards the cats, saying he dislikes them and wouldn't even have them if not for my mum.

I am going to discuss this with them too and explain that their behaviour is cruel. I have mentioned this in the past to them but I just get shouted down and belittled.

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 03/04/2018 17:15

I'm glad the cats are sorted out this time, OP, but yes, you do need to have that talk otherwise the cycle of manipulation will just go on. It's not OK for them to ask you something difficult, flounce, ignore you, then breezily come back to you in their own sweet time with a solution. They have deliberately left you to stew.

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 03/04/2018 17:24

I really do think that going forward, the kindest thing to do for the cats is try to get them rehomed, especially the elderly one but first of all they should take it to the vets for a check-up. Our oldest cat started regularly weeing indoors for no apparent reason (litter tray inside and access to the garden). We got her checked out and it was a urine infection. A couple of shots and a quick course of antibiotics and she's been fine ever since. Never did we think to just hung her outside and we live in a warmer place! Angry

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 03/04/2018 17:26

*Bung not hung!

minniebirdy · 03/04/2018 17:37

Report them to RSPCA as this is not acceptable care of the cats

Viviennemary · 03/04/2018 17:44

Looking in on them at least once in a week. Not nearly good enough I'm afraid. They should be reported to the RSPCA for neglecting their cats. Somebody should be feeding them at least once a day and they should have access to shelter. If not they should go to a cattery. Selfish.

Hobnobsarenotfordunking · 03/04/2018 17:49

Could you encourage them to meet with the pet sitter you found and get to know them so that next time they can feel comfortable leaving them with this type of service?

marymoosmum · 03/04/2018 17:59

Not RTFT but I think YABU they aren't asking you to rearrange anything but to go once within the week to top it up, ou can fit it around your work, make it fit in with you. It's not like they have said do the 2 hour plus drive everyday and feed them and cancel all your plans.

Roversandrhodes · 03/04/2018 18:05

This is daft ! Can they not ask a neighbour or a local friend .They can go in a cattery fgs

Motoko · 03/04/2018 18:14

RTFT IT'S SORTED!

Leapfrog44 · 03/04/2018 18:19

WHAT THE FUCK kind of people feed the cats once a week? I'd be calling the RSPCA if I were you (and if you drop me the names I'll do it now).

Not acceptable at all. Domestic cats should be fed and checked on every day.

Lizzie48 · 03/04/2018 18:21

It's the fact that the OP's parents keep the cats outside that's very poor. One of them is elderly as well.

Leapfrog44 · 03/04/2018 18:22

Sorry they do sound like arseholes. Convince your mother to re-home the cats. Are they planning to leave an elderly cat OUTSIDE as well as unfed? Christ what fuckwits

Aridane · 03/04/2018 18:30

Glad its sorted- though have to confess that I sort of agreed with godowneasy on this...

Katherine2626 · 03/04/2018 18:31

Call in ONCE this week? Is she serious? That is neglect of the cruellest kind and perhaps your mother might like to be fed once this week and have to go without fresh water.What a cow! I would report her to the RSPCA and get them to take the cats away - you could say what she has told you without saying who you are, and at least they will stand a chance of rehoming to someone with compassion and some shred of a moral compass where helpless and vulnerable creatures are concerned.

KeepingMySpreadsheetUpToDate · 03/04/2018 18:40

Have you thought about alternative weekend childcare?

HonkyWonkWoman · 03/04/2018 18:51

What horrible people they are, leaving a poorly elderly cat outside 99% of the time.

Let's hope they don't receive the same level of care when they are old.
Karma can be a devil.

blueluce85 · 03/04/2018 18:52

Well at least you can show them this thread as proof that they aren't good cat owners and neglectful!

Thistlebelle · 03/04/2018 18:53

blue pretty sure that showing them this thread would be fairly catastrophic to the relationship...