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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help my parents?

263 replies

FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 17:35

My parents have decided to go to Scotland for the week, leaving their two cats at home with no cat sitter organised. They came round for lunch today and asked if I would mind popping into feed the cats at least once this week. Baring in mind they are leaving tomorrow, and have only just sprung this on me today.

Ordinarily this would be absolutely fine but as my daughter is away with her dad for the week, I have organised work every day. They also live at least a 2 and a half hour round trip away from me (and thats excluding any traffic times!)

I explained that I would try my very best to go down there at least once and I would let them know as soon as possible if I could rearrange work. I also explained that it would have been better if they could have let me know sooner as springing it on me the day before doesn't give me enough time to re-arrange and sort things. I am self-employed so my work relies on me being reliable and keeping booked appointments.

It ended up in a massive row and with them leaving my house as my mum couldn't accept this and said I should just 'agree to go' as they do so much for me, and they would remember this next time I asked for a favour etc.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it's wrong to just ask someone to change work commitments and plans the day before you are due to go somewhere?!

OP posts:
Didiusfalco · 02/04/2018 20:45

Hmm this is tricky. I don't think either of you is particularly reasonable. Their request sounds like a pain, but I think you are minimising what they do for you.

Having you to stay Friday and Saturday night and looking after your dd all Saturday day time is a big commitment, I would bet it is no coincidence that they are going away in the school holidays (a more expensive time) and is probably because this commitment to you makes it difficult for them to go away in term time.

So I think their request, particularly the lateness is not on - but they actually do you a massive favour, and I would be a bit put out if I was them and you didn't realise that.

eddielizzard · 02/04/2018 20:45

see what they say, but this guilt tripping isn't great. personally i'd start finding alternative arrangements for your saturdays and if they complain explain that they give you such a hard time about it that you thought you'd better start finding alternatives.

Juells · 02/04/2018 20:48

I wouldn't like to do a 12-hr day then do that drive, feed cats, and drive home again. Quite dangerous to do that drive when you're tired, I think.

I agree with others that it will be easiest on you to have the cats at your house for the week.

Can you start trailing off the weekend stays with your parents? Horrible to feel that you're under a compliment to anyone.

Mrsmadevans · 02/04/2018 20:49

I wish l hadn't read this thread cos l am worried to death about these poor cats now, it is cruel to leave them like this , wtaf are they doing even having cats if they can't look after them properly.

Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 20:56

I wish l hadn't read this thread cos l am worried to death about these poor cats now, it is cruel to leave them like this , wtaf are they doing even having cats if they can't look after them properly.

Worried to death, really? Why don't you offer to have the cats then?

Why do people make threads about themselves.

Mrsmadevans · 02/04/2018 21:02

I would have them if l could honestly , l was wondering if the OP's parents lived near me and l would have popped in but l realise that although l am willing to do this the OP prob isn't keen to tell a person/stranger on here where her Parents, who are going away, live.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 21:05

It does irritate me that they won't have anyone else in their home other than myself, my brother or occasionally the neighbour when it suits. I've had a look on some cat sitting websites and there are people advertising to do it for £40, with positive reviews from other cat owners. I would happily pay that for them to save myself the journey, or risk my tenancy. They have locks on all doors in the house. I understand it's there prerogative to decide what happens with their own home, but annoying that the only option is myself or my brother and if we refuse for legitimate reasons we are terrible and ungrateful children.

OP posts:
himalayansalt · 02/04/2018 21:12

Report them to the fucking RSPCA. Ffs.

OVienna · 02/04/2018 21:15

@FloralSpring that is by far the most sensible solution. As a gesture it is kind to offer to pay. They Abu nit to allow a better cat sitter in.

Juells · 02/04/2018 21:15

Forty quid - well worth it.

himalayansalt · 02/04/2018 21:15

The cats should be taken away from them. They are not committed to looking after them properly.

OVienna · 02/04/2018 21:15

Sorry a cat sitter

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 21:21

Juells & OVienna - Yes it is, except they won't let anyone they don't know personally inside their home!

OP posts:
AnoiaUnstickMyDrawers · 02/04/2018 21:30

I would be so angry that my parents were being so cruel that I would want to just get a cat sitter to pop in and not tell them. Their complete disregard for pets that are relying on them completely would negate any consideration for their paranoid nonsense.

Gabilan · 02/04/2018 21:39

I wouldn't be surprised if by the time they OP's parents are back, the cats have moved in with some neighbours. Cats are not stupid.

Original poster
FloralSpring · 02/04/2018 22:16

I've not heard back from them since messaging earlier outlining the above. Assuming they are still p*ed off with me for not immediately agreeing to do it.

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 02/04/2018 22:24

Well you tried. If they want to be awkward when they have their cats care to organize and not much time to do it - well that makes them extremely irritating tbh...

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2018 22:28

Honestly? I would be making other childcare arrangements. Don't expect any favours from them and refuse to do any.
They need to arrange someone to go in to the cats at least once a day.

FuckingWaffleDoggy · 02/04/2018 22:42

Am I the only nosey person wondering what work the OP does? Escort?

melonribenia · 02/04/2018 23:08

Op, I once had a similar situation in that my sister was moving house and had nowhere for her car to go. I lived in a flat and wasn't allowed pets.
I asked my landlord and he agreed to the cat staying for a few weeks. There was no problems at all.

echt · 02/04/2018 23:17

What melonribenia said. It's well worth asking, especially if you emphasise its limited nature.

ibicus · 02/04/2018 23:17

Incredibly cruel. Either get them to put them in a cattery or report them because they should blatantly not own any animals.

Purrrcat · 02/04/2018 23:32

Just a thought but if the cats are being kept outside for a week then they won't need anyone to go inside their home.
Plus if they are outside, where will the automatic feeder be? If it's outdoors then surely any animal can access it

Motoko · 03/04/2018 08:56

I wouldn't even bother asking the landlord. The cats are only going to be there for a few days.

I wouldn't want the cats to be left outside all that time, it's not as if it's summer.

I also don't like that OP's parents kick the cats out at night, especially the elderly one, poor thing. Whenever I've had a cat from Cat's Protection, I've had to sign a form to say I'd keep the cat in at night.

OP, what have you decided to do?

Jux · 03/04/2018 09:04

YANBU, but......

There are elderly cats left outside with inadequate food. So it's hard to just shrug your shoulders. Can your brother borrow your car for one day and do it?