To tell them to mind their own business (maybe triggering? Eating stuff)

[TheParisofPeople]

Hi,

I’ve been a lurker for a while but finally took the plunge I need some advice because I don’t know which way is up anymore after Easter.

Some friends of mine are convinced i have an eating disorder, I tend to restrict my food so I don’t pig out and I do a reasonable amount of exercise. Not manically though, I’m not a gym fanatic or anything I just walk a lot. I’m a size ten so not anorexic by any means, obviously. My mum is a big fan of diets and weight loss but in a healthy way and is supportive when I want to lose. I recently broke up with someone and it knocked me a bit and I piled on some weight. Like I went up to a 12/14 really quickly and she helped me with a new diet.

So I did the blood sugar diet for a month and it was amazing I melted back to a 10, but I was cold all the time and kept feeling like I was going to pass out. Decided to eat ‘normally’ for a bit but I fast regularly too. This helps me maintain.

Haven’t shifted any more weight but because I refused to binge on chocolate at Easter and I lost quite a bit quite quickly my friends are saying they’re worried I have an ED. All because I don’t want to pig on thousands of sugary calories for no reason and I fast sometimes. Fasting is more traditional at Easter than letting yourself turn into a gross chocolate monster anyway btw. It’s a religious event ffs.

I’m getting fed up of being told to ‘just eat a burger’ by them, or watched when I eat. But I know that when people get sick or obsessed they sometimes can’t see there’s something wrong. Do I sound ok?

Thanks everyone.

And the thing is the same friends who tell me they’re worried about my eating think she’s a really cool mum.

Your attitude to sex is concerning. Sex isn't a vice.

It def sound sounds like your issues around your weight stem from your mum, alongside your desire to please her.

I know that culturally French women feel strongly about weight and appearance, but you have to ask yourself about the impact it is having on you and your mental health/self esteem. If you are size ten, doing 100 sit ups and 100 press ups a day and your mum is joking about putting padlocks on the fridge then I would suggest that that is not particularly healthy...

I am greedy, and by no means as driven as you. But I feel the overwhelming need to be your friend and give you a massive hug. Which isn't my style at all. It is no wonder you feel the way you do tbh.

I’m not going into it on here jam but for my family/religion my relationship was a vice.

And no one on this thread has said you're not 'good' that's just your warped impression from your mum's idea of what's 'good'
I wish you all the best but you really do need to understand that this is not healthy

It was my late DMs disordered attitude to food along with my late DFs need to control who I saw, what I studied and where I went that triggered my ED. It sounds as if pleasing your DM by following her ideals is hugely important in making you feel she accepts and loves you.

Which is not what parenting is about. Parenting is approving of your kids no matter what. It’s sad to
Know you only feel ok between you and DM When you are dieting or studying or mixing with the right people etc. You are your own person with your own way of living your life. Support in challenging your own and your DMs beliefs would hopefully help you to realise you are completely ok as you are, that no one can or should live to please and get the approval of others and that being imperfect is simply to be a member of the human race.

But I think most mothers get on better with their children when they’re behaving themselves.

Not when children are grown adults though OP, you shouldn’t still feel like you need to ‘behave’ for your mother’s benefit - you’re no longer a child.

Haven't read the full thread, but you should know you don't need to be skinny or underweight looking to be anorexic. No one online is able to tell you whether you have an eating disorder or not. Take a look at BEAT for guidance as to whether it would be worth seeking real life help.

Most people are so addicted to the hidden sugars in food that they see healthy eating as normal.

OPif you've done the BSD, you've done a diet developed by Newcastle Medical school and that has worked for thousands of overweight and/ or diabetic people. Ignore people who have no idea of the science, but want to knock you.

Fasting is a tradition with thousands of years of history. It has very proven health benefits.

I haven't a clue if you have an ED from your post, but I expect your mates are just jealous of the weight you are losing and the way you feel.

Downtheroadfirstonleft how much of the thread did you read?

Sorry OP, but you definetely need to see the GP. I've dealt with EDs for most of my life and this sounds like one. Specifically

1. Refusing prescribed medication because it makes you gain weight
2. Feeling anxious around food/not being able to concentrate if you miss exercising
3. Using words like 'dirty' or 'monster' to describe certain eating habits

Please get help before this gets worse, OP.

I think you strive for perfection op and it simply doesn’t exist.

You do have a skewed relationship with food. As do I to be honest with you. And your right people with a love of junk food do too. But you’ve come on here to talk about your fasting so let’s focus on that. Without deflecting to others. When you deny yourself food to the point of feeling faint you deny your body the fuel it needs to carry out basic tasks. So you aren’t even close to be able to achieve basic let alone perfect.

You allude to a past relationship which has caused disappointment within your family. Every woman on this board has a man in their past she wishes she hadn’t kissed/slept with/etc and probably a few they wish they had. That’s fine. Everyone makes mistake. You have to make mistakes. As children we constantly make them. You fall a thousand times before you walk. You kiss a thousand frogs too unfortunately.

Your in your twenties by all means take your mums advice but that’s all it is. Advice not gospel. Not what you have to live.

You only get so many days on this planet. You don’t get to know how many you get in advance. So enjoy every day. Don’t waste it chasing a life someone else has set out for you.

Talk to your gp about the anxiety meds there may be a different one that might suit you better with regards to the weight gain.

Ok so, I’ve started listening more closely to some stuff my mum says after getting advice on here and I think you guys are right. Yesterday we went out and I said how lost i’d got on the way to the bus station and how my legs were killing me and I felt dizzy because i walked like an extra hour. All she said was ‘at least you’ll have lost some weight’

I mean, that’s not a normal response right?

TheParisofPeople

It sounds like you're just as judgmental of what your friends eat as they are about what you don't eat. Birds of a feather, eh?

So maybe all parties involved should just keep their eyes on their own plate.

Ah Paris - I have an ED too, though am in a good place at the moment with it. You sound like I do when the ED is peaking.

Ok. None of us can diagnose you but it's not right and neither is your mother.

My daughter is 20. She's an adult. She would never consider talking about being good or behaving herself and although she's very slender, I would never make weight comments and our meal times are fun, uou eat what you want.

You're a grown up, stop seeking her approval. As for Food, the reason your friends think you have a disorder, and I suspect they are right, is because your language and behavuour is off killer and not within the realms of normal.

I think personally you need to work out how to have an adult relationship with your mother, and not seek her approval like you're a child. Less time with her, more time with friends, doing what they do and joining in, having fun. Right now your life sounds soulless and lacking any joy at all.

No she's not normal op and she doesn't have your best interests at heart. She is concerned with her image and how you function as an extension of that. Pretty early on in the thread I could tell you were from a strict religious background. I was too, and have an ed, and broke free. I'm almost certain I know what your relationship issues etc will have been about. You need independent impartial advice and a good starting point is your gp and the b-eat website. You will probably need cbt or counselling because this is about much more than food or control. Lots of luck and love, it is a hard road to travel but you can experience genuine happiness, it will just take some work and courage.