To tell them to mind their own business (maybe triggering? Eating stuff)

[TheParisofPeople]

Hi,

I’ve been a lurker for a while but finally took the plunge I need some advice because I don’t know which way is up anymore after Easter.

Some friends of mine are convinced i have an eating disorder, I tend to restrict my food so I don’t pig out and I do a reasonable amount of exercise. Not manically though, I’m not a gym fanatic or anything I just walk a lot. I’m a size ten so not anorexic by any means, obviously. My mum is a big fan of diets and weight loss but in a healthy way and is supportive when I want to lose. I recently broke up with someone and it knocked me a bit and I piled on some weight. Like I went up to a 12/14 really quickly and she helped me with a new diet.

So I did the blood sugar diet for a month and it was amazing I melted back to a 10, but I was cold all the time and kept feeling like I was going to pass out. Decided to eat ‘normally’ for a bit but I fast regularly too. This helps me maintain.

Haven’t shifted any more weight but because I refused to binge on chocolate at Easter and I lost quite a bit quite quickly my friends are saying they’re worried I have an ED. All because I don’t want to pig on thousands of sugary calories for no reason and I fast sometimes. Fasting is more traditional at Easter than letting yourself turn into a gross chocolate monster anyway btw. It’s a religious event ffs.

I’m getting fed up of being told to ‘just eat a burger’ by them, or watched when I eat. But I know that when people get sick or obsessed they sometimes can’t see there’s something wrong. Do I sound ok?

Thanks everyone.

Elderly lady- I don’t think there’s anything unhealthy in her involvement, she just doesn’t want her daughter to be fat? She’s always been supportive of my weight loss but she doesn’t advocate anything extreme?

There’s a middle ground between an unhealthy lifestyle and one that has severely controlling food intake and exercise as a weight loss tool at its centre. I would be in total panic if I couldn’t exercise after eating. I’d panic if faced with the offer of food or heaven forbid a piece of cake brought in for a colleagues birthday. I’d come up with reasons why I couldn’t take a slice.

If you can talk to your GP I think it would be helpful. I so recognise the anxiety and panic and feeling consumed by food intake. It was literally and emotionally eating me up. Your Mum isn’t so much helping as colluding by Leaving health magazines around. The focus on food needs managing and the sooner you can get support the better chance of being able to change your behaviour. It’s such a miserable cycle to be caught up
In and can rob you of strength, joy and all wellbeing.

Sounds like it to me.

Join the club (plenty of us here). Have a look at this sort of thing

'Overeaters' anonymous is a bit of a misnomer really - it's more about a disordered relationship with food and body image, which can take many forms eg restricting.

And she does know what she’s talking about because she was really skinny before having me :/

im a failure then i know i have a weight problem but its a bit harsh to call people failures

you dont eat in front of your friends whny not-do u eat in front of anyone?

Eating disorders or disordered eating isn't about your weight but how you think. A lot of your phrases 'dirty food', 'poison', 'pig', 'gross', 'monster' do sound a little concerning as fasting ( although you haven't explained how you do this and how long for). No one needs chocolate at Easter but your tone suggested disgust at those who do. You sound very invested in how you think about food and instant became inflamed when challenged about it.

Being greedy is a failing, it’s not rude to say so. We all fail at something.

Its no more a failing than being obsessive about food and restricting it.
It is not normal to only eat in a 6 hour window each day.
it is not normal to feel anxious and panicky if you see people eat.
It is not normal to judge someone from enjoying sweet foods, just because you don't ant to eat them.
It is not normal to fee panicky if you cannot exercise.

You say you have anxiety for other reasons. I think it is manifesting itself around food and eating for yourself and you are projecting that onto others. I think it may be worth speaking to your GP before this takes hold even more and you really fall into the ED trap. I don't think your mum's involvement will be helping either.

Little and often is better for your body. And everything in moderation is generally a better rule of thumb than excluding items.

I suspect your friends are worried abut you - as I say, your relationship with food does not seem to be within the general norms of behaviour.

I also wonder if they are fed up of you judging them for daring to indulge in the odd bit o a chocolate or a McDonalds every so often.

And she does know what she’s talking about because she was really skinny before having me :/

Being REALLY skinny doesn't mean that she has a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

Calling food 'poison' or 'dirty' is NOT a healthy approach to food. It just insn't. Are you into the whole 'clean' for fad?

Your body does react very badly to sugar - it throws off its glucose prediction processes and releases an excess of insulin, which isn't a million miles off any medical definition of 'poison'.

This^^

And oh the irony of seeing a few pps tell the OP she's 'judgemental' and her diet is unhealthy, when over on Weight Loss Chat they've describe themselves as overweight with no willpower and addicted to crisps.

Having a failing is not the same as being a failure Gabs. Greed, wrath, lust etc - doesn’t make people inherently bad just means we’re not perfect yet.

Having absolute control isn't morally superior either though

Please please listen. You have a problem

OP, I wrote my post with RTFT. I hope you reach out in RL and get the help you need.

*without RTFT

You should focus on yourself & your health rather than other people’s failings.

I did a tiny bit of modelling when I was young when the Kate Moss look was in vogue. I was surrounded by “skinny” people who were far from healthy.

I couldn't hang with anyone this obsessed with and judgemental about food. I'm a foodie and food is one of my greatest pleasures in life.

This is interesting

I think eating disorders are an addiction and that a twelve step approach is appropriate to combat an eating disorder, one day at a time.

so what makes us perfect then

i dont see how controling your food that much is good u only eat over a 6 hour period thats just not healthy

Food is just fuel for our cells in the same way that sex is just a means of reproduction - it serves a biological function but can also be an enjoyable, life affirming thing enjoyed just for the sake of it. I think you could definitely benefit from a more flexible approach to it all.

I never said I was perfect or didn’t have failings. And absolute control is better, sourpatch ? Not just with food.

The notion of ‘dirty’ and ‘clean’ food very much points towards an ED more than anything else. Even if you think your idea of normal food and eating is more normal than everyone else in a society plagued by obesity, it doesn’t mean that it is.

It’s because I’m so imperfect that I have to work hard at this stuff.

Ah, another 'AIBU?' Is told she is, so then argues with everyone.

As the saying goes 'everything in moderation' there's absolutely no need to fast. There's also no need to 'pig out' but it is fun at least.

I don’t think you sound ok.

You sound like you have very disordered eating, unhealthy negative beliefs about food, and an obsession with busy shape.

Go to a doctor. Get your weight, height, BMI and nutrition bloods checked. And listen to those who care about you. They may well be right.

Eating disorders aren't really determined by what you eat but are about your relationship with food. Speaking from personal experience here. It is a coping strategy, a desire for personal betterment that becomes an obsession focused around food.

There is a strong correlation with OCD in terms of whether or not someone can be deemee to have a problem. If someone is very clean, keeps the house immaculate at all times etc, do they have OCD? Only if it is interfering with their life, negatively affecting relationships and (most importantly) taking over their mind so it is hard to think about anything else. Do you think about food, dieting, avoidance strategies every day? Do you set targets and rules for yourself and then get upset when you miss them? Those are the red flags, not how quuckly you put on / lose weight.

Only you know that, regardless of what others see on the outside.