To tell them to mind their own business (maybe triggering? Eating stuff)

[TheParisofPeople]

Hi,

I’ve been a lurker for a while but finally took the plunge I need some advice because I don’t know which way is up anymore after Easter.

Some friends of mine are convinced i have an eating disorder, I tend to restrict my food so I don’t pig out and I do a reasonable amount of exercise. Not manically though, I’m not a gym fanatic or anything I just walk a lot. I’m a size ten so not anorexic by any means, obviously. My mum is a big fan of diets and weight loss but in a healthy way and is supportive when I want to lose. I recently broke up with someone and it knocked me a bit and I piled on some weight. Like I went up to a 12/14 really quickly and she helped me with a new diet.

So I did the blood sugar diet for a month and it was amazing I melted back to a 10, but I was cold all the time and kept feeling like I was going to pass out. Decided to eat ‘normally’ for a bit but I fast regularly too. This helps me maintain.

Haven’t shifted any more weight but because I refused to binge on chocolate at Easter and I lost quite a bit quite quickly my friends are saying they’re worried I have an ED. All because I don’t want to pig on thousands of sugary calories for no reason and I fast sometimes. Fasting is more traditional at Easter than letting yourself turn into a gross chocolate monster anyway btw. It’s a religious event ffs.

I’m getting fed up of being told to ‘just eat a burger’ by them, or watched when I eat. But I know that when people get sick or obsessed they sometimes can’t see there’s something wrong. Do I sound ok?

Thanks everyone.

Op you do have a very unhealthy approach to food, I'm another one who would be very concerned about you if you were my friend. Please go and see your gp

Orthorexia. Google it.

I don’t know why tbh, I just get really anxious and sweaty when I see people eating, especially stuff like chocolate or fast food. It makes me want to go for a run like right there and then, or fast for longer.

Tis sounds like you're a bit obsessive and controlling, in that you're focussing a lot on food even if it's other people's food and then feeling bad and so trying to control your feelings by exercising/fasting.

I think you should talk to people at B-EAT to be honest, they'll be able to help you. I think your friends are worried about you but not very adept at saying so when saying "just eat a burger".

So to answer your original post, I know that when people get sick or obsessed they sometimes can’t see there’s something wrong. Do I sound ok?
You've got sick on your diet, I don't think you can see clearly what is wrong (but something is niggling you or you wouldn't post here!), and no, you don't sound OK. Get some independent advice/support.

Yup, your attitude towards food is disordered and unhealthy.
On the one hand, if you want to fuck up your metabolism and make yourself miserable by obsessing over every bite you eat, it's your body and your life and all that.

What is difficult to assess from your posts is whether people you know are genuinely worried about you - or sick of you banging on about food and 'health' and policing what they eat. It depends if you come over as self-righteous and hostile (this is an unfortunate side-effect of some types of eating disorder: the person with the disorder becomes less and less capable of leaving other people's eating habits alone) in the flesh as you do in some of your posts.

It's fine to eat. It's fine to eat lots and lots of chocolate if you want to. IT'S PERFECTLY OK TO BE 'FAT'. PERFECTLY OK especially given that many people labelled as fat are strong, healthy and comfortable in their bodies - they just don't look fashionably starved.

You should talk to a GP about your anxiety.

Lots of talk of food obsession. If you talk to any thin person who's not naturally thin, you'll find they meet some definition of 'obsessed' with food because they're in a constant state of self-denial. That's how they stay thin.

I don’t know why tbh, I just get really anxious and sweaty when I see people eating, especially stuff like chocolate or fast food. It makes me want to go for a run like right there and then, or fast for longer.

You're ill. YOu need to go to the doctor. This is not me being judgemental, this is me spotting a symptom and telling you how to seek treatment.

OP i was similar to you in my mid 20s. I was only eating every other day (and was experimenting with having a go at trying to throw up) and had convinced myself it was normal an healthy, i was in control and it wasn't an ED. No way i would have an ED - i knew what i was doing ...

The thing is i was in control and did know what i was doing, but not in a good way.

I can see clearly now i was on my way to an ED. At the time i laughed or got cross with friends who tried to talk to me.

I don’t talk about food or how I feel about it with my friends. I just don’t really eat in front of them.

TheParisofPeople
Exactly upside, but pointing this out is ‘judgemental’

But you're doing exactly what you want your friends to stop doing. Can you not see the hypocrisy?

Food is fuel no? If it’s not doing the cells good why eat it? That’s literally what it’s for

Your right. Using food as some kind of emotional crutch to make you happy isnt healthy.
Eating the food your body needs to stay healthy and seeing food only as fuel for your body is a perfectly good relationship to have with food.

Oh and it only ended because i found out i was preg. with DD3. I knew i needed to eat properly for her.

"Just watching people eat makes me freak out"

You certainly have anxiety issues around food OP, and being 'freaked out' watching other people eat is not a good sign.

I'm no expert at all but I would suggest you could potentially have an ED at some point - not necessarily now, but at some time in the future.

You're obsessed with your weight and your size, trying different diets and eating patterns all the time, being so critical and judgmental about others and your evident disgust at those who enjoy chocolate.

Yes, as a nation we are overweight, yes we should all eat less sugar and exercise more but you are not the boss of everyone else's diet.

Try not to focus on what everybody else is eating but on what is healthy for you. And maybe think about ways to reduce your anxiety.

Ex anorexic here. Anorexia is not about being a size 10 and therefore healthy imo. It’s about attitude to and behaviour around food.

When I was suffering from an ED I couldn’t cope with the idea of a treat or a snack. Food was bad or good. If I felt I had eaten too much I’d go straight back to
‘Austerity mode’ and eat extra carefully (ie only small amounts of protein and veg).

I do recognise disordered language around food intake ie gorging, poison for the body, no nutritional value etc. Of course a large intake of sugar isn’t good but a weekend of loads of chocolate isn’t harmful (unless you have diabetes or other physical conditions that require low or no sugar). Chocolate is a foodstuff - it has cocoa and milk and fats in addition to sugar. If your overall diet is ok then a day or two of indulgence is fine. If I were your friend I would be concerned as never being able to let up and eat something just because it’s delicious and deeming it poison is a red flag for me

I’d go back on the meds for anxiety if I could but they made me gain so much :/

Hi OP, eating disorders and addiction seem to me to be very closely related problems, and it's great that you're taking the strong likelihood that you do have an eating disorder on board and want to tackle it. Recognising that there's a problem is the first and biggest step in solving it. Best wishes.

Your op sounded a bit bizarre, but manageable. Your replies throughout this thread say you have serious issues with food and people, but mostly people who like food.
I’m not sure you have an eating disorder, you do not have a healthy relationship with food or people who do like food, you also have an attitude problem (with food, but mostly with people.)
If you were being so rude about other people based on race, looks, age, class or religion, you’d be deemed a bigot, but you think it’s ok to be rude about people who have a normal relationship with food or who like their food a bit too much.
Hope this helps.

OP, I've only lived back in the UK a couple of years and I am astonished at how little people here take care of themselves in terms of their health and fitness. This includes being a healthy weight.

I don't disagree with what you are doing. I think it is good to watch your weight and get lots of exercise and there are lots of positive knock on effects of this. If you are interested in health and fitness I think you should read up more about nutrition and food as I don't think all your info is correct. Personally I wouldn't touch a blood sugar diet or any prescribed diet. I do Weightwatchers, but I tend to eat what I like on it and end up eating really healthy, organic food. Also, a size 10 is a good healthy size.

Good luck to you. I don't think you have a problem. It is nice your mum supports you, but her "diets" are not a good thing to follow.

I don't think that this is hypocrisy as such because Paris has not got insight. The OP's thinking is disordered and it looks as if her DM is colluding.
Having to think about food and exercise in this way is an illness as it is intruding into normal life.
OP think about this and seek help.

The hamsters - austerity mode, yeah I do that if i feel I’ve been slack or weak willed :/

I would treat the anxiety even if it meant putting on a few pounds.

Some if your later messages do seem to be acknowledging that some of these symptoms are resonating with you.

If you were my friend I would also be trying to convince you to seek help. Please listen to them.

Your morally-infused language around food:
'pig out'
'dirty'
'poison'
'gross chocolate monster'

Prioritising thinness above your MH (stopping anxiety meds because they 'made you gain')

'Not really eating' in front of your friends

I agree that your relationhip with food is not normal, and you are utilising the kernel of truth in the assertion that we do tend to eat more than is healthy of some foods (particularly sugar) as a culture as a justification for your disordered thinking.

You need to explore all this. I fear your mother's interest in food and diets may not be as 'healthy' as you claim.

Sox, if people want to eat McDonald’s or chocolate or whatever all the time, then whatever. I’ve already said I don’t think that makes someone a ‘bad’ person, But that’s not a normal relationship with food anymore than whatever I’m doing is. Being greedy is a failing, it’s not rude to say so. We all fail at something.

Have a read through this @TheParisofPeople and see if it helps you understand yourself and feelings about food.
www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/do-i-have-an-eating-disorder

The fact you've been diagnosed with a MH issue (anxiety) I think shows you still need some support. I'm on meds for it myself, I can understand the reluctance. Talk to your GP about other meds/options that are available. Even if you just want to talk it through with them is a good first step.