To have told DD that she looked fat in that?

[ShushTush]

DD is 20 and has fluctuated between a size 10-16 since she hit puberty.

At her biggest she was a size 16 a few years back and it really affected her confidence. It was mainly due to bingeing on family packs of sweets and chocolate.

She was going out tonight with a cropped top on and it really wasn't all that flattering (she's a size 12 at the moment) and I immediately told her as I didn't want anyone else to. Obviously she was very pissed off and insisted she looked fine so I said her opinion was all that matters and off she went.

I feel crap now of course. I had advised her a while back that she's looking chunky and she should exercise more. I always advise exercise rather than diets as she's tried really restrictive ones before.

I'm overweight with a lot to lose (since DC) and I've told her that I don't want her to end up like me as it creeps on slowly so she needs to keep on top of it, not to put her down but so she doesn't end up like me.

WIBU. Hate to think of her going out feeling like crap .

Ouch I would've burst into tears at that and your update hardly makes things better, I've never known any size 12 girls with a "bulging belly"

YWBVU and you owe her a massive apology

you just can't, you back her confidence to the end of days.No matter what you think, just lie. I know you mean well but it's just a rule I think.

One word.

Projection.

She isnt you, stop taking out your own negative issues on her. And she is right, when you are skinny, you can criticize her for how she looks/dresses and not before. I say that as a size 18-er myself.

She didn't "snaffle" the easter egg....YOU put it there so she ate it!

Snaffling is suggestive of stealing.

You should NEVER tell your DD she looks bad. Not ever.

Is it worth reporting trolls and/or socks here these days?

Who're you thinking @TheStoic? Is it me, because I agreed with op?

The op knows how much she struggles with her weight and she doesnt want that for her dd.

Then the op has been misguided. As stories like TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom's illustrate, the way to avoid issues with weight and eating is to build positive relationships around food, establish good habits, and develop body confidence.

I hope you are a troll, because if not, your poor DD not only has an incredibly poor role model for the above but also a very mean spirited mother who values 'the truth', such as a subjective notion such as the suitability of a crop top on a size 12 body can ever be true, being spoken over her daughter's feelings.

You left an Easter egg at the end of her bed and she ate it?
Wtf was she supposed to do with it?
Take her on a bloody hike up a hill if you’re that bothered about what she looks like in a crop top. But don’t tell her she looks fat!!!

As an aside, does an @ automatically bold? As my last post had a bold but still showed the *! Weird.

Be a mum not a bitch OP.

No one else would actually want to tell her she was looking fat in her outfit, so why in the world would you.

And if by the slimmest chance she came across a spiteful stranger who would say anything so vile she could walk away and never see them again, so again why in the world would you.
None of her friends would ever say she looked fat, friends don't really do that, so again why in the world would you.

You are doing her no favours at all by being 'honest' a complete bitch so just take a step back and stop.

@NeedingAdvicePlease and? I have a skirt that 2 people(one of them being my mother) told me I look awful in. So freaking what? I absolutely love it and I feel great in it! I dress for myself not to please others.

I agree with a pp; I think you're projecting your own negative body issues onto her, which could well backfire in the long-term.

I get that you don't want her to end up like you, but I think you're going about it the wrong way.

She didn't ask for your opinion, so she was obviously happy to be wearing it and felt comfortable in it.
Giving your negative opinion without being asked has meant that she's now gone out feeling self-conscious and possibly upset.

Size 12 can be fat or not, depending on your height. I’m 5’2 and it would be fat for me (I’ve got a BMI of 25 and wear a size 8-10 depending on the shop). If OP’s daughter is 5’10, it wouldn’t be fat at all.

It’s also perfectly possible to be a normal weight and still be flabby. If OP says her daughter looked bad in the croptop I’m not sure why people are doubting her (which is not to say she should have told her daughter this).

You're calling her fat when she's a healthy size 12. I'm not surprised she's peeved. 20 is still a very impressionable age.
What on earth were you thinking of.

It's no wonder there is an epidemic of young ones with eating disorders when you're saying size 12 is fat.
If you're not ashamed of your self.
You damn well aught to be.

I actually agree with you my mother always would tell me if I looked bad in something and I'd prefer her to tell me rather than go out looking crap. Also pp have said size 12 isn't fat well I'm 5 3 size 12 and my bmi is 26 and I do look chubby so clearly it is! All these comments show why obesity is a growing problem

ShushTush Mon 02-Apr-18 01:02:01

"

She did tell me to fuck off because I can't say anything to her with how fat I am grin."

Is it? I found it a lot easier to lose 10 stone than i did 4 stone

I was trying to impress on her that having a little to loose to easy enough but when you get to the point where you have loads (like me) it's a whole different ball game"

She's 20 years old and presumably owns a mirror? She put it on and looked at herself and decided to wear it. Crop tops and bulging bellies don't work (leaving aside that a size 12 is very unlikely to match that description)? Says who? You? In your unrequested opinion? She put a crop top on her body, it therefore matched. Talk about health etc all you want and should but don't insult your daughter.

Oh come on, people.

She doesn’t want her future daughters-in-law to be fat either?

Do critical reading skills just not exist anymore?

I have a few things to say...

You couldn't make it up...> into whatever thread takes your fancy...

Are we aware that it is half term...............

There was something else but I can't remember.........

I experienced my younger sister dying from anorexia at age 21. Please, from now on, be supportive and positive towards her around this issue. Don't reinforce any negative ideas of herself/her body that she probably already holds. Even eliminate the thoughts that she is "chunky" from your own head. Be a good example to her, not a critic. Good luck

"I was trying to impress on her that having a little to loose to easy enough but when you get to the point where you have loads (like me) it's a whole different ball game."

Is it? i found it a lot easier to lose 10 stone than i did the 4 stone regain.

*I get that you don't want her to end up like you, but I think you're going about it the wrong way.

She didn't ask for your opinion*

I agree. I doubt she holds ambitions towards obesity either, does anyone want to end up a size 20? Maybe she considers that you're not best placed for giving out fashion and / or diet & lifestyle advice? You should concentrate on your own weight loss. Once that has been successful, you might have something real to talk about should she express an interst rather than the non-advice of 'do as I say, not as I do...', easter eggs (in the plural) being a case in point.

Let's hope you never have any future DILs! Stop projecting and take your own advice and exercise more yourself.

Change your family food habits. Make healthy snack options. walk for an hour everyday..... even if you split it...drink lots of water. Don't buy family packs of chocolate to eat. Her version of normal is what you teach her.