To have told DD that she looked fat in that?

[ShushTush]

DD is 20 and has fluctuated between a size 10-16 since she hit puberty.

At her biggest she was a size 16 a few years back and it really affected her confidence. It was mainly due to bingeing on family packs of sweets and chocolate.

She was going out tonight with a cropped top on and it really wasn't all that flattering (she's a size 12 at the moment) and I immediately told her as I didn't want anyone else to. Obviously she was very pissed off and insisted she looked fine so I said her opinion was all that matters and off she went.

I feel crap now of course. I had advised her a while back that she's looking chunky and she should exercise more. I always advise exercise rather than diets as she's tried really restrictive ones before.

I'm overweight with a lot to lose (since DC) and I've told her that I don't want her to end up like me as it creeps on slowly so she needs to keep on top of it, not to put her down but so she doesn't end up like me.

WIBU. Hate to think of her going out feeling like crap .

I think the ops response is just a Defence mechanism, she knows. She doesn't like it that's why she's being scornful, dismissive and well a little childish. . And yes hugely minimising, now moving into trying to indicate her eating habits are all fine, her daughters the one with the problem, and she didn't get it from her. 😔

YY.

"Not thinking about myself and eating crap because I was bored shitless."

That's what you said OP. You ate junk. Your kid has grown up thinking it's normal to eat piles of junk.

You do not stay a size 20 if you're eating healthily and living an active lifestyle. You just don't. If you have thyroid issues, then you adjust your diet to work with it.

You're obviously not doing that

It's very very sad to hear someone speak as though there is nothing at all wrong, when they're actually massively overweight, have one grown child with a bad relationship with food and younger children who will grow up around the same issues.

And no one is doing anything about it.

"Its’s so wearing"

YY Suki its the mental load. Its one more thing that women have to do I keep the weight off but its a daily struggle and has been for years. I couldnt have a few choc bars a week OP I would pile it back on. I have chocolate on special occasions only such as Christmas and Easter.

I excersise as much as i can but the shitty long winter we have had hasnt helped with that. i cant afford the gym. And i have nowhere to put a cross trainer etc i live in a social housing one bedroom flat which already has to accomodate DHs disability aids.

So all this has to be factored in. I manage but its a struggle especially for those lower down the socio economic scale. It can be a struggle for people in this situation and it shouldnt be.

You can have all the anti obesity campaigns you like but when you have got people living in B +Bs with no proper cooking facilities it runs much deeper. Many of the Grenfell residents including children and teens are still in this situation TEN MONTHS on having to live on takeaways because theyve got no choice. What is it doing to their arteries. Where is the concern for their health. Because choice over eating healthily is a luxury that they have been devoid of for the past ten months.

I wish my mum had pulled me up on my weight when I was younger although I think you could’ve gone about it a little differently. Have a proper chat tomorrow and apologise for hurting her feelings.

'fat stinky cat lady'?? You sound utterly charming OP

You're setting her on the way to self-esteem issues that will be with her for life. My mum constantly told me as a teen and young adult that I was fat, looking back I can see quite clearly that I was not. This is likely to be incredibly hurtful for her to hear. The size/weight spectrum you mention is perfectly normal (yes, even size 16 - gasp(!)), it's not like she's obese and risking her health. Please stop criticising her weight before you do her self-esteem permanent damage.

I was an overweight child and have been an obese adult my whole life. Comments from my well meaning parents led me to binge in secret, make myself vomit, have difficulty eating in front of people and made me very angry at my parents. It took them a long time to realise I was well aware of my weight problems and their comments left my self esteem in tatters (leading to more binge eating). Please don't make the same mistake.

Meant to say in my previous response - at age 20, her age actually isn't any of your business anyway. She's an adult.

Stop putting your shit on her.
This is her life not yours.

Maybe your motivations were for her own good but you could have rephrased what you said in a kinder manner.

You were far too harsh and frankly fucking ridiculous - she's a 12 not an 18 in a crop top.
Apologise for hurting her feelings and keep your mouth shut next time.

More important she goes out of the door feeling good and positive about herself not like shite.
But crack on like this and continue to erode her spirit.

Why don't you get off your own arse and do something about your own weight and leave her alone?

'at age 20, her age actually isn't any of your business' - I meant her weight, obviously.

Not RTFT but you ABVVVVU. Size 12 isn't chunky. Stop putting your issues onto your DD now.

I do wonder if the op will have a think based on the comments on this thread. Start to focus and do something about her own weight and leave off other females. 🤔