To have told DD that she looked fat in that?

[ShushTush]

DD is 20 and has fluctuated between a size 10-16 since she hit puberty.

At her biggest she was a size 16 a few years back and it really affected her confidence. It was mainly due to bingeing on family packs of sweets and chocolate.

She was going out tonight with a cropped top on and it really wasn't all that flattering (she's a size 12 at the moment) and I immediately told her as I didn't want anyone else to. Obviously she was very pissed off and insisted she looked fine so I said her opinion was all that matters and off she went.

I feel crap now of course. I had advised her a while back that she's looking chunky and she should exercise more. I always advise exercise rather than diets as she's tried really restrictive ones before.

I'm overweight with a lot to lose (since DC) and I've told her that I don't want her to end up like me as it creeps on slowly so she needs to keep on top of it, not to put her down but so she doesn't end up like me.

WIBU. Hate to think of her going out feeling like crap .

From googling, it seems around 10.5 stone is a size 12 for people around 5'3 (the average height).

BMI of 25.6 = overweight.

So, not most but about half the people wearing a 12 are overweight.

BUM is not as good a health indicator as waist to height ratio or waist to hip ratio.

*BMI. Bloody autocorrect.

Okay so some people just weigh more than other people who are exactly the same size. Why, then, is the one who weighs more considered less healthy?

And I stand corrected about 12 stone size 12s! Certainly didn't mean to cause any offence!

My bum is a pretty good health indicator, the bigger it is then the less healthy I am! :o :o

BettyBooper

No offence taken! I'm a solid build, I can take it

@BettyBooper

Because sizes suck as an indicator
They are different in every shop. Which is why saying "size 12 is perfectly healthy" is dangerous. It's also probably bad to say "size 12 is overweight" - but going from the stats that on average you'd weight 10.5 to be a size 12, that's overweight for the average height. But then there will be the shops that size small or size larger so it is really hard to judge.

But, your question is kinda confusing.of course someone weighing more at the same height is, in general, probably less healthy or at least more prone to certain issues.

YABVU- she's a size 12. No-one who is a size 12 could be considered fat or 'chunky'.

In my parents generation anyone who was size 12 and under 5’ 10” would have been considered grossly overweight and frankly greedy.

We have become gradually conditioned to seeing fatter and fatter people. That doesn’t make it healthy or sensible. A modern English size 12 is only a reasonable weight for someone over 5 foot ten inches.

@SerenDippitty

I'm away to measure myself now!

What are we meant to be ratio-wise?

ShushTush

My Mom said things like that to "help me" during one of the few times I'd put on some weight; without any thought or care as to why I'd gained weight.

It along with my Mom's yo yo dieting and unhealthy relationship with food and body image while we were growing up, which she also projected on us, were cited as contributing factors to me developing anorexia nervosa in my mid-twenties.

I'm not personally a fan of seeing belly flab exposed by crop tops, but it doesn't sound like she asked for your opinion so you shouldn't have given it. Negative things said by parents will always cut deeper than from others.

There are calculators on line but as a rough guide your waist should be less than half your height I think.

I suspect we are all different. I've just checked myself also and the bmi calculator and apparently I'm bordering on underweight. As said I'm a 10/12 depending on where I shop and five eight. I have A very narrow frame though.

If the average height is five three, then yes, many women could easily be overweight in a size twelve if they are weighing much heavier. I think the only thing that can be said is you can't correlate weight with dress size if women who weigh twelve stone and are only five three are getting into size twelves as well as taller women who weigh much less.

The shock for me is that small women who weigh that much fit into average size twelves. As said at that weight I'm a good size 14 at least.

I do a lot of weight training, just for the sports I take part in, so I'm a bit more solid than the average person id assume.

I thought my pregnancy would have negated the muscles and my weight was just extra fat, but I was maybe wrong and weighing heavier coz I still had a good bit if toned muscles.

But, your question is kinda confusing.of course someone weighing more at the same height is, in general, probably less healthy or at least more prone to certain issues. Not just at the same height - the same size (as in dimensions, not dress size). If two people are the same dimensions and one is heavier, they would be potentially overweight while the other was not. Just interesting.

If two people are the same dimensions and one is heavier, they would be potentially overweight while the other was not.

Muscle is more dense than fat so someone with a high muscle to fat ratio would be heavier than someone with a high fat to muscle ratio. In that case the heavier one would be healthier.

Not if the heavier one has a high

First of all, size 12 is no way chunky! And you shouldnt be telling her she is.
Second of all she probably felt great dressed up ready to go out before you told her she looked fat!
You don't sound like a very nice person I'm afraid 😡

Or they could be taller, or more muscle weight.

It's a complicated issue. We can talk in generalisations for most people but there's always outliers. But at least having general rules and weight guidelines will help keep most people healthy if they listen to them.

@whinetime89 my grandad did the same, i was 16 and had just developed hips and boobs going from a 6 to a 10 - he told me i was as big as the back of a bus!! ive also never forgotten it, it was so hurtful.

To reiterate to the OP size 12 is not fat and this is going to sound like im being bitchy when i say it (although its not how its meant) but im sure youd love to be a sz12 yourself.

Dress sizes vary so much. I've never managed to squeeze my hips or shoulders into a fitted 8 or 10, even when my BMI was 17. My BMI is 18-19 now and I wear a 12 in jeans.

My friend is an 8-10 but she's 5ft3 with narrow hips and narrow rib cage. She's always complaining about her 'spare tyre' and she isn't slim, just has a small frame.

My point is you can be a healthy weight or underweight at size 12, or very overweight, depending on frame and height.

There are worse things to be than fat, OP. And she's not even fat.

Great posts Captain Brickbeard but i think you are wasting your time.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said. The thing that stuck out in your post was the "tell her before someone else does" statement. This is not helpful. You need to be your DD's safe place but instead you have joined those that would put her down. You have shown her that, when others are critical of her, you will be right in line with them rather than being there to pick her up and dust her off and reassure her.

I mean, I see why you did it because a crop top and flabby belly is a bad look and I look at other girls on nights out with rolls hanging out of crochet bikini tops and think jesus, put it away. Size 12 is a chunky size on anyone shorter, I was tubby at a size 10.

HOWEVER

Being fat and losing weight and "realising" is only somethingg you yourself can do, when you are ready. She won't lose weight because you hinted at her and put her down, she will just feel shit and probably comfort eat.