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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have told DD that she looked fat in that?

688 replies

ShushTush · 02/04/2018 00:45

DD is 20 and has fluctuated between a size 10-16 since she hit puberty.

At her biggest she was a size 16 a few years back and it really affected her confidence. It was mainly due to bingeing on family packs of sweets and chocolate.

She was going out tonight with a cropped top on and it really wasn't all that flattering (she's a size 12 at the moment) and I immediately told her as I didn't want anyone else to. Obviously she was very pissed off and insisted she looked fine so I said her opinion was all that matters and off she went.

I feel crap now of course. I had advised her a while back that she's looking chunky and she should exercise more. I always advise exercise rather than diets as she's tried really restrictive ones before.

I'm overweight with a lot to lose (since DC) and I've told her that I don't want her to end up like me as it creeps on slowly so she needs to keep on top of it, not to put her down but so she doesn't end up like me.

WIBU. Hate to think of her going out feeling like crap Sad.

OP posts:
Avasarala · 03/04/2018 12:36

@SoupDragon

I don't know. But it was on was of those horrible "Briatins fattest" shows or something.

The person needed surgery, and it required a specially built operating table but then a structural engineer came in and confirmed that the floor couldn't take the extra weight. It was way over what the expected load of equipment, staff and patient would be. So the floor to the theatre needed structural support.

In those cases, I'm talking about the people who need cranes to remove them from their homes. But it's not made up.

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 12:42

@SoupDragon

I can't find that particular case (but I saw that show about 10 years ago so it's from a while ago). But here's an Australian one where they had to reinforce the roof so the harness could take the weight of the patients.

Disables patients are moved in harnesses all the time, but the roof would have collapsed if they used it on morbidly obese patients.

www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/diet/the-hospital-room-for-people-so-obese-its-roof-had-to-be-reinforced-to-bear-the-weight-of-harnesses/news-story/cf7e3fa221ad9bdfa6dacd16f2392876

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2018 12:50

I am clinically overweight at a size 12 as are most people

What are you on about? Please educate yourself. You may well be, I assume you're very short, but the vast majority of women are not clinically overweight at a size 12. As said,, I'm 5 foot 8. I'm no where near over weight at a size 10/12 and am at the lower to middle of a healthy bmi.

Do you have food and body image issues? What your posting would indicate you do. That your thinking is distorted.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2018 12:52

I'm 5'7" and rather proud to say I'm a size 12 (just lost 4 stone) and I'm not overweight. My BMI is around 24.

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 12:54

@Bluntness100

I was a size 12 for about 3 months after having my first child - think I weighed about 12 stone or something around that mark. Can't remember, but had to wear size 12 jeans.

I was clinically classed as overweight (I'm 5'3). And all the weight was around my hips and thighs.

A size 12 can easily be overweight. Please stop saying it's not. For some people, it's not and for some people it is.

It also depends what shops you buy your clothes in as they very in size. You can't judge by clothes size - it is absolutely possibly for size 12 to be unhealthily overweight. People need to start realising that and adjusting their views on healthy weight and unhealthy weight.

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 12:56

I just popped 12st with a height of 5'3 into a BMI calculated. It's 32.5 and classed as obese.

It is absolutely possible. Obviously, BMI is debatable as a measuring tool but it gives an idea.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2018 12:57

Ffs Ava, are you just on here to argue? I never said it couldn't be over weight, I said it was not for the vast majority of women. As you're much shorter than the average woman it is for you.

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 13:00

Quick Google - the average height of a woman in England in 2010 was 5'3.

At that height, a healthy weight range is 6st 11lbs up to 9st 4lbs.

So before you start shouting at other posters and accusing them of having body image issues, you should educate yourself. The average woman would in fact be overweight at a size 12, obviously make allowances for clothing store variations.

The reason you and most others think it's healthy is because everyone is bigger now. Our view of what is healthy and normal has been distorted.

All of that is factual so don't come back at me saying it's wrong.

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 13:00

Not shorter than the average. I'm actually spot on. (Although I'm in Scotland and the first average that popped up was for england)

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 13:03

Just tried a different calcultor and it says the BMI would be 29.3 - so overweight but just shy of obese.

That's using the NHS one so I'm going to say that's more accurate.

SerenDippitty · 03/04/2018 13:05

I'm 5ft 2, 9.5st and a big 10/small 12. My waist to height ratio, waist to hip ratio, blood pressure, cholesterol are all healthy.

Merrz · 03/04/2018 13:05

I get that you were trying to do it for her own good. I was quite over weight as a child and remember a family holiday when I was about 8 my mum made a comment about me in a bikini and I've never forgotten it Sad

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2018 13:06

I think the average is 5'5" Avasarala

And Bluntness is right. You clearly said that "most people" would be overweight at size 12. You've changed that now of course but you said "most" originally.

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 13:07

I hate discussing this with people who don't check figures before spouting stuff and telling other poster they have body image issues, when when other poster is actually completely correct.

I'm not here just to argue; but when someone posts something that is completely wrong and insults another posted based on their own wrong info, then I will correct it. Because things won't change if people don't understand the real numbers.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2018 13:07

I think you'd be lucky to be in a 12 at 12 stone Avasarala. I'm in 12s now at 10st 13lbs, just

BettyBooper · 03/04/2018 13:10

I'm 5'7" and if I weighed 12 stone I would certainly not be fitting into size 12 jeans. Confused

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2018 13:12

I hate discussing this with people who don't check figures before spouting stuff

That's exactly what you've just done Avasarala, deciding that a size 12 person weighs 12 stone, regardless of their height or frame Confused

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 13:12

@BitOutOfPractice

The average Dutch woman is 5'6. They're apparently the tallest average. But for england, the last figures I can find are from 2010 and reported on the government site and BBC and other news places - they say it's 5'3. Obviously if the figure has gone up, then I will adjust. But even going up a couple inches, it's still overweight. So most is correct.

And I said most because the cut off isn't 5'3. I'm assuming a size 12 is around 12 stone like I was.

But let's say a size 12 would be 11.5 stone. At 5'5 that's still overweight. So even going up in height, those weights are still too heavy. That's why I said most.

BettyBooper · 03/04/2018 13:12

Are you thinking of an American size 12?!

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 13:13

I just said I was going by what I was. And I said repeatedly it's different as you move from shop to shop, and also where you carry your weight.

Also, reducing it to 11.5 stone and it's still oversight for people at 5'5.

My argument still holds up, even if I'm off by a bit in my weight and clothes size assumptions.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2018 13:14

I'm 5ft 2, 9.5st and a big 10/small 12

Yes, at 12 stone and five foot eight I'm a good size 14. Surprised someone as small as five foot three and weighing as much as a twelve stone is only a size twelve. I'd have expected more a size 16. But some folks weigh heavier than others.

Avasarala · 03/04/2018 13:16

I've never owned clothes bigger than a 12. And I'm sure I remember being 12 stone. It might have been under and I rounded up (I have a tendency to do that and I'm working on that as I know it's an unhealthy way to look at my weight).

But even reducing the weight and increasing height, it is still classes as overweight.

My take away point is - people think something is totally fine, when it's actually not. And it's simply because everyone is bigger now so it just looks normal.

BettyBooper · 03/04/2018 13:18

I'd agree that 11.5 stone at 5'5" is overweight - just don't think that most people of these dimensions would actually fit in a size 12. So most size 12 women are not overweight....

amusedbush · 03/04/2018 13:22

I'd agree that 11.5 stone at 5'5" is overweight - just don't think that most people of these dimensions would actually fit in a size 12. So most size 12 women are not overweight....

I'm just under 5' 5 and wear a size 12 at 12 stone. Not just vanity sizing either, I wear a size 12 from loads and loads of high street shops.

I am medically overweight at 12 stone but I assure you I am a size 12 at these "dimensions".

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/04/2018 13:22

At 11.5 st and 5'6" I was size 10. No idea why and the docor weighed me three times as he didnt believe it. Medium build, not broad or stocky, not muscly, hour glass shape. I am just heavy!

So no, dress size does not have any bearing on weight. My BMI is bizarre as I was officially overweight but clearly hardly had an ounce of fat on me. Sadly I am much bigger now and frankly dont want to know what I weigh!

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