I can't stand my SIL

[SunnieCJ]

She's married to DH's brother. They got married last summer after about 2 years of dating. They live next door to MIL while we live in different city. We go visit and stay with MIL during holidays or whenever we can (She's getting quite ill) SIL and her husband would come over for dinner (I cook 90% of the time) I don't mind cooking and preparing food but she has never ever offer to help or even cook one single meal. She would stay at her place until everything is already prepped then casually ask me if there's anything she can do to help. I just get so frustrated with her. she never cleans up after even though she promised she would.

Same thing happened today. She told us not to do the dishes because she would come do it first thing in the morning. She finally came over around 4.5pm and obviously someone else already tidy up the kitchen. I asked her... oh I thought you said you were coming to clean in the morning then she told me"oh yeah but I slept instead"

Can someone tell me what kind of response is that? It just gets really frustrated because it's really not our responsibility to take care and look after her especially when we are just visiting. She is 36 and older than me.

The whole family know she's lazy and her little tricks when it comes to avoid housework. But I refuse to let her ruin my quality time with the family. Should I confront her or should I just ignore her? Help!

It is a AIBU thread. I'm simply venting my frustration and asking for opinions. No one is forcing you read or reply to the thread. Feel free to leave if you want.

Why would I invent some lies on here? How is that going to benefit me. As far as those are concern "how do you stretch 3 people dinner to 5" ughhh I had to rearranged the portions to make it into 5. Instead of 3 sausages each. We had 1 or 2 each.

I had come to terms that she just doesn't want to help. We had addressed the issue with BIL and he knew about the problem and he had encouraged SIL to help. So ultimately, it's up to her. We will not cleaning up after her anymore though.

Me and DH go visit and stay with MIL 4-5 times a year. Each time we stay for a week. While I may not see other 300+ days in MIL's house. Let's just say. Every time when we are over. I have only seen SIL places the plates in dishwasher once because I asked her nicely if she could help. Then she told me she doesn't know where the dishwasher detergents were because she had never done it and she doesn't usually come to MIL's house.

We usually have dinner around 7-8. She strolls in around 6:30, 7. And would commenting about how good the food smell.

When she comes in, you could say, 'Oh yes you're very welcome to join us. I'm very grateful, too, as I would very much appreciate having an extra pair of hands. Could you lay the table for me please?'

You just need to speak up for yourself sometimes.

OK, so have dinner earlier or eat big meal at lunchtime.

And why are you giving up your sausages for her/BIL?

Sorry OP but you are coming across as a bit of a martyr....

I also have a lazy SIL. She avoids the work by going out for a smoke. She will start peeling a carrot, but will need a cigarette after she has done one, and they will all be done by the time she gets back. But I think she would genuinely consider that she has helped with the prep. BIL does most of the cooking etc in their house, even though she only works 1 day a week (and they have no DC). We now find it highly amusing rather than annoying (a bit like playing SIL bingo), although actually i do not think it much extra work for cook/clean up for (say) 10 than 9, so maybe would feel differently if she was really adding to the load.

Blackberry
Does your bil ever cook? Why is it his wife's responsibility to cater for his visiting family?!?
Wtaf?
Nobody is asking sil to cook for them! Op has not said that if you had bothered to read her posts.
Op isnt visiting her anyway, she is staying with her ill mil. Sil just invites herself round for meals and expects to be waited on
Op isnt asking much for her to get off her lazy backside and clear up after herself/help prep for once. Its not a lot to ask an adult. My kids help our when visiting relatives its not bloody difficult.

I agree, Willow2017 I think it's basic manners to help clear the table, wipe it down and then ask if you can help with the washing-up. Very often the answer is no; it certainly is with me as it's much easier to do it myself as I know where everything goes. But I do appreciate the offer.

And it's definitely not good manners to make a mess when you're in someone else's house.

Well, I would say "sorry, I've only got enough sausages for 3; you're welcome to sit and chat, but you'll have to watch us eat. There's frozen peas in the freezer which you could cook if you want a snack...."

I would not redistribute food if there wasn't enough. If I'd done bolognese and there was loads, then I'd be OK about putting on extra pasta, but actually, with someone as ungrateful and unhelpful as her, I wouldn't.

But do give instructions when the meal's finished. "SIL, can you clear the plates, dh can you wipe the table, bil can you wash up, I'll dry."