I can't stand my SIL

[SunnieCJ]

She's married to DH's brother. They got married last summer after about 2 years of dating. They live next door to MIL while we live in different city. We go visit and stay with MIL during holidays or whenever we can (She's getting quite ill) SIL and her husband would come over for dinner (I cook 90% of the time) I don't mind cooking and preparing food but she has never ever offer to help or even cook one single meal. She would stay at her place until everything is already prepped then casually ask me if there's anything she can do to help. I just get so frustrated with her. she never cleans up after even though she promised she would.

Same thing happened today. She told us not to do the dishes because she would come do it first thing in the morning. She finally came over around 4.5pm and obviously someone else already tidy up the kitchen. I asked her... oh I thought you said you were coming to clean in the morning then she told me"oh yeah but I slept instead"

Can someone tell me what kind of response is that? It just gets really frustrated because it's really not our responsibility to take care and look after her especially when we are just visiting. She is 36 and older than me.

The whole family know she's lazy and her little tricks when it comes to avoid housework. But I refuse to let her ruin my quality time with the family. Should I confront her or should I just ignore her? Help!

Tis where does OP say she hates her SIL?

I may have missed it but I don't think she said that.

@browneyes77 do you just believe every single thing that other posters say?

Well, bearing in mind this SIL appears to have psychic powers (knows exactly when dinner is ready) I would tread very carefully here OP...

When you are sitting there with your three sausages each, what happens? Do you give SIL and BIL one off each of your plates, and a spoonful of mash?

Really this just doesn't add up.

I always tend to serve tea at the same time, around 6pm, as that's when my DH comes home from work. So it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for a CF to come at that time. They could just watch for his car to come into the drive. Simples.

@Juells

browneyes do you just believe every single thing that other posters say?

No, but I do read the thread properly and take note of what the OP has said, instead of just making up random stuff or exaggerating what has been said in the first place.

This is nuts!

Op knows that her bil does some housework occasionally for mil presumably because they actually talk to him when they are there. I am sure if sil did anything then he would have told them that too.

another family member looks after mil the rest of the time. Sil is not a paragon of virtue looking after mil.
All the family are aware that sil has form for not lifting a finger to help anyone else presumably because they talk to each other like normal families do.

Why is it so difficult to imagine after countless cf threads on here that sil is possibly just a lazy git who likes others to wait on her and cant be arsed to help anyone out? And getying someone else to pay for your taxi is yet another cf thing to do and a bit of a clue as to her entitledness.

Why in earth would op start a thread to vent her frustration if it was not true?

Not clearing your own plates or cups or food away is lazy and selfish no matter how you fabricate excuses for it. Inviting yourself for meals is rude. Why should op and her dp who have specifically gone to spend time with ill mil wait hand and foot on another perfectly able adult every time?

Op never said she hates her sil its her whole entitled lazy behaviour she cannot stand.

How do you manage to make 3 meals stretch to 5 when they just turn up? Cook something like pork chops, chicken fillets where you literally have 1 each, then they can't expect any

You don’t have to like her. You know she’s a lazy cow, acknowledge it and move on. Otherwise you’ll keep getting angry over something you can’t change

Cook enough for yourself, DH and MiL and stop feeding drop-ins.

Hate / Can't stand - tom ay toes / tom ah toes

@Juells - another sensible person who does not believe everything on the internet.
I agree, stop feeding then you can stop moaning about it, OP

another sensible person who does not believe everything on the internet.

I’m not specifically seeing what there is to ‘disbelieve’.

OP writes a post to vent her frustration at something that’s bothering her and asks advice on how to handle it.

Some people give advice. Some people ask questions to understand better to be able to give advice or to understand/question why the situation has occurred.

OP gives more detail answering questions asked.

People offer advice based on the information given. We have one side of a story and no way of getting the other side, so can only comment on what we are told by the OP.

My original post was purely clarifying what the OP had said so far, because a few people seemed to be completely bypassing the questions the OP had already answered and were basically making up their own version of events and putting words in the OP’s mouth.

@Willow2017

Exactly!!

Does your bil ever cook? Why is it his wife's responsibility to cater for his visiting family?!?

Hate / Can't stand - tom ay toes / tom ah toes

So why keep saying HATE as if you were quoting OP?

Some people seem to have an agenda and I feel sorry for their family/in laws.

And what's the point on commenting on a thread if you don't believe it? Surely you're just wasting your own time.

another sensible person who does not believe everything on the internet.

Now you're just being goady. Yawn.

I can't stand a few people,doesn't mean i hate them just that I don't want to spend time around them.

Some people seem to have an agenda

I don't have an agenda, but I just can't see what the problem is. Stop feeding them.

Op does say she "can't stand" her sil, in the thread title, so I think that's where the idea that she hates her comes from.

Op, them turning up to dinner is annoying. I think make less food or talk about taking turns is the solution to that.

As for tidying up after sil, is everyone tidying up after her or is it just you? Do your husband and bil ever say anything about sil doing nothing. I suggest you clean up after yourself and leave the rest to sort out their own stuff. If sil's things don't get cleared away, then maybe comment on it, but don't do it yourself. Leave it to bil, your dh and your sil to sort out. If everyone was cleaning up after themselves except for my partner, I'd be saying something to him about it, I would not sit back and let someone else deal with it.

OMG, now we can digress and quibble over "can't stand" so here you go...

en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/hate

now, if you don't agree with the Oxford English dictionary, that is fine by me....

How about getting back to the original AIBU question.

I can't stand my SILbecause she does not clear up after herself (the 5/6 times a year i visit the MIL)

OP says many other things to back her disdain for her SIL that she sees infrequently.

I am still entitled to disagree and say she is being unreasonable to have that strength of feeling over some dirty crockery/cutlery on such few occasions in one year. If it happened every week? Yes.

I don't have an agenda - i just have an opinion and as far as i was aware Mumsnet was ok with this.

I believe the original post by OP, but she has drip fed everything else painting a poor pic of SIL and I am inclined to think that she has no idea what her BIL and SIL do for her MIL - that they live next door to - for the remaining 300+ days each year when they are not visiting.

If you read other posts on MN, there are plenty of MILs who say how awful their grown up children are just to create internal conflict - I believe this may be a possibility.

My advice to OP remains the same - don't feed them if it's that bad. Although, I also like @Aoifeaye suggestion of not clearing up so it becomes obvious who hasn't!

I'm with Resting bitchfaced. Cook things that can't be shared.

Or when she arrives, say 'Sorry, we're just sitting down to eat. I'll drop you a quick text to let you know when we're free. How about we all come to yours for coffee afterwards?'

Fgs

Your portions are far too big if you are managing to feed an extra two visitors when you were not planning on it

Your SiL adds an extra plate, knife and fork, that is nothing really.

If she irritates you then be grateful, she doesn’t live next door to you!

@colditz Then don't come over uninvited and don't create mess and don't ask for help from MIL

@Rachie1973 No. read my post. I don't think it's something I would want to take it to BIL as it would cause too much drama.

I'm willing to bet you don't even know what's going with our house so please don't tell me I don't know half of what happened.i respect your opinion but you come off a bit aggressive. Just saying