DH won't let me have croupy 3yo in our bed

[jamoncrumpets]

3yo has a croupy cough, which he gets from time to time. He usually has a bad attack, I give him a few hits of an inhaler, and it gradually tails off over time. I usually keep him in bed with me overnight to monitor.

Tonight he's started with a croupy cough and DH immediately said 'right, not again, he's staying in his bed' and took DS out of our bed, where he was calming down watching YouTube videos on my phone, and into his own room where I can hear him coughing and wheezing. He told me I was being hysterical to let DS stay with me and that it was 'all about my health anxiety'. He's currently in DS's room with him.

I want DS in with me. I want to keep an eye on him. But DH keeps shutting me down. I don't know how to stand up to him over this.

Not quite the same but our daughter had bronchiolitis and her chest still sucks in as a result, under no circumstances would I have her out of our room on a bad night! It's absolutely terrifying seeing your child struggling to breathe.

I wish people would actually read the whole thread before posting responses. ESPECIALLY when people are trying to deal with sick children they really don't need to be wasting their time reading so much rubbish. (sorry rant over)

Not medically trained but have had experience of son who has grown through repeated bouts of viral croup.

1. Listen to the medically trained people first (and completely ignore all those who apparently know nothing about croup. This is not just a normal cough guys - go educate yourselves and don't give bad advice)

1. First three times for our ds warranted hospital visits, each time steroids and an overnight stay. First time other meds too. It does get less severe each time usually as your dc builds their immunity to it.

1. After the first time we too were advised change of temp can relieve. First we were told spend 10 mins in a steamy bathroom, then if still severe, outside in cool air. We found what worked best was a short drive in the air-conditioned car! If still chest pulling or distressed or we were worried after this then definitely come in for a check up

SO if you are happy monitoring, and it sounds like you are now ds is calm and not chest pulling you are doing the right thing and sounds more like you just need a little more confidence in your own decisions.

I don't go the same bed route, but ds bed was right next to ours till he was 3 but he had his own space. He has only ever been in our bed once all night (he's a teen now) but I would go in his room if he was sick till he was settled then have the baby monitor on so I could hear he was ok.

Dh's attitude does stink as posted but maybe we don't know they whole story/backstory. OP maybe need to think about his reasoning eg was he concerned about you or was he just being a dick? If he was being a dick is this a one off? If he is regularly a dick you need to decide at some point when you feel strong enough whether you can deal with him or whether you are better off out of it. Do you have anyone who can support you IRL with whatever you decide?

Sorry for essay!

I'm actually shocked that some people are being so arsey about bed sharing.

I HATE sharing my bed with DS. He also hates it - prefers his own cot and always has. Except when he's ill. If he's feeling poorly and wants to be in our bed I have him in there without further ado. He goes back to sleeping in his own bed when he's well again no problem. What's the big deal?

Hope you all got some sleep. Have you got a humidifier? Ours really helped when ours had croup. We had this one
www.argos.co.uk/product/4026949?storeID=4417&cmpid=GS001%7D&_$ja=tsid:59157%7Cacid:480-316-7430%7Ccid:344448993%7Cagid:27301660353%7Ctid:pla-189674196993%7Ccrid:86692807833%7Cnw:g%7Crnd:14940874652682269043%7Cdvc:m%7Cadp:1o1%7Cmt:%7Cloc:9046901&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI24uqi66Y2gIVwrvtCh0UGAr-EAQYASABEgIUd_D_BwE

I'm glad ds ended up getting in with you op. Hope he's feeling better this morning.

Croup is really scary especially for really little ones. At the very least it means I can comfort them without having to get out of bed.

I don't know if you have health anxiety or not but your instincts are definitely the same as mine here and I'm not a particularly anxious person.

because as soon as you hear the barking cough you are supposed to go to the hospital. That is what I was told the 4 times I went to A&E in the middle of the night and he was seen urgently. Not to take him in bed with me and see it if went away

Presumably because the nurses don’t think to spell out something so obvious? Most mothers would want their children near if they are at risk of an attack.
When DD has been hospitalized and needs monitoring they never told me to keep her in with me, it’s just common sense surely?

I HATE sharing my bed with DS. He also hates it - prefers his own cot and always has. Except when he's ill. If he's feeling poorly and wants to be in our bed I have him in there without further ado. He goes back to sleeping in his own bed when he's well again no problem. What's the big deal?

Yep, same. Don’t understand some of these replies!

Yep same here. I hate DD in bed with me but when she's ill I just suck it up as I'm probably going to get broken sleep anyway. Never had a problem returning her back to her own room

Your husband is a real piece of work.

Ds comes in when he’s ill. Sleeps through beautifully in his own bed when he’s not. Croup is horrible and so frightening for everyone, at least if he’s in with me I can doze. At my DPs last weekend he had a really high temp and had been complaining of a headache. There was no way I was going to not keep an eye on him all night, even though it meant I didn’t get much sleep. Was worried it might be meningitis as he didn’t like having the light on him, but hadn’t been sick/no rash etc etc etc. How could I have slept in another room not knowing how he was, listening to him crying out because his head hurt and he had a temp? Hope he is feeling better in the OPs house and everyone got some sleep.

I don’t have sick children in my bed but have set up camp on their bedroom floor when they have had croup. Dh is being a bit of a dick though, he could have gone and slept in a different room if he didn’t want to be kept awake?

My ds is often in our bed,he’s 3 and when he’s ill it’s much easier to keep an eye on him.Its not a question of anxiety! It’s just so much easier for you to monitor him and get some sleep too, not to mention my ds feels comforted having us close by when he’s feeling ill.

I think your dh is being unreasonable! Even if he doesn’t agree with your decision there are other ways of him communicating with you, actually taking your ds out of the bed after you’ve said it’s ok for him to be there undermines you.

DH can be an arse sometimes (not big on showing feelings) but no way in hell he would let a sick DD sleep on her own. She would be in our bed between us or one of us sleeping with her.
Sorry OP but your DH is a selfish twat.

Just read all the updates since my post.

Loving father lying on the floor next to poorly son to keep him calm try and make sure his heavily pregnant wife can rest - ok.

Bullying arse who will go in for 5 minutes then fuck off to watch a film and threaten his heavily pregnant wife and sulk for two days afterwards - clearly not ok.

Hope he's feeling better this morning OP and that you're not too exhausted

Hope you’re both feeling better today, OP. Is ds up to an Easter treat?

I don’t like sharing my bed with a toddler, especially when pregnant and uncomfortable, but DD always comes in with us if unwell. She sleeps better because when she starts to wake she will know we’re there and go back to sleep. In her own bed she will wake more fully and we’ll end up having to get up and go into her room. Sometimes one of us will take the sofa if octopus toddler annexes more than her fair share.

I’ve not seen the croup in real life, but isn’t being next to someone breathing calmly beneficial in itself as the child will regulate their own breathing more easily?

I can’t understand the response from your husband at all. Is he always like that? Either way I’d be upset by last night and I’d hope he regrets his behaviour and apologises.

Hope your sons better this morning and you eventually find the strength to leave your husband.

DS is currently eating breakfast next to me on the sofa. He woke at 3 coughing but I got him calm again with a cuddle, a biscuit and a hit of his inhaler. He still has a barking cough but it's not happening half as much now. I barely slept, understandable really, I feel sick and ancient. But I'll live.

DH? Still upstairs in bed in the spare room. Has shouted down once or twice 'is he ok, how does he sound?' but hasn't emerged at all.

My dp tried this, once. I told him, quietly and calmly, that if we have to have the conversation over who's more important again, him or DS, he wouldn't like the outcome.

What else has happened in the past OP for your DH to be concerned you have health anxiety?

I think there's an awful lot more to this situation than just this one off incident.

So do I. I think OP is a normal, caring mother who sounds totally sensible, married to a selfish arsehole.
Sorry OP
You did the right thing standing up to him.

Do you have anyone to support you, OP? It must be horrible having to deal with this crap from your husband as well as a sick child while heavily pregnant. DD was sick all winter while I was in my 3rd trimester, but I had a supportive DP, and yours has really let you down.

I’m glad ds is a bit better. Hope you can have a nap later, and have someone to talk things through with.

DH emerged briefly to see DS get his Easter eggs and had now gone upstairs for a bath 'to soothe my back from that hard bed'.

I'm trying to work out what I'm going to say to him about all this. I am going to say something. I'm just a bit too frazzled to work it out right now.

Clearly many posters have no experience of croup. It's not like having a cold, the airways can completely close up and it's silent. Single scariest moment of my life was being woken in the night by my DS unable to speak or breathe with blue lips. It was a blue light situation. Also happened to me as a child, our gp drove me to hospital in the middle of the night and I spent 3 days in an oxygen tent. Your DH needs educating OP.

LimonViola I do suffer from anxiety, as does DH. In fact he recently had a breakdown which left him incapable of doing much for nearly three weeks. I cared for him, and DS all while suffering from HG and bleeds.

I do get anxious easily, yes, but I think there's a big difference between being able to look after DS and wanting to monitor him overnight or panicking and calling 999 at the first sign of difficulty. I don't think my approach was irrational.

Just tell him suck it up sunshine