DH won't let me have croupy 3yo in our bed

[jamoncrumpets]

3yo has a croupy cough, which he gets from time to time. He usually has a bad attack, I give him a few hits of an inhaler, and it gradually tails off over time. I usually keep him in bed with me overnight to monitor.

Tonight he's started with a croupy cough and DH immediately said 'right, not again, he's staying in his bed' and took DS out of our bed, where he was calming down watching YouTube videos on my phone, and into his own room where I can hear him coughing and wheezing. He told me I was being hysterical to let DS stay with me and that it was 'all about my health anxiety'. He's currently in DS's room with him.

I want DS in with me. I want to keep an eye on him. But DH keeps shutting me down. I don't know how to stand up to him over this.

I would definitely take him in to my room, but luckily DH would agree with me. My DS2 had croup at age 4, I was on the phone to NHS direct and she said she heard him in the background and called an ambulance for him. This was on a Christmas day of all days. They gave him oral steroids.

Asthma*

I'm going to stay here with DS. I won't sleep in bed without him. I'm too tired to deal with DH.

“I don't think it's a great idea to have sick children in the same bed as you. He'll be perfectly fine in his own room. I agree with your DH”

You have clearly never dealt with croup before

Croup itself isn’t contagious. It is when a virus causes an inflammation in the airway and causes the tissues to swell. It can become nasty very quickly. If the child is struggling to breathe and you can see their tummy sucking inwards then a trip to A and E is necessary.

DD had a reactive airway when she was little and we ended up in A and E with croup on several occasions. On one occasion I was on the phone to the OOH doctor and he could hear her coughing. He told me to bring her in straight away.

To all the posters belittling the OP’s anxiety – croup is frightening and can be very dangerous. The OP is absolutely not over-reacting.

This explains how serious croup can be.

OP I think it would be a good idea to at least call 111 and get some advice over the phone. Does he have noisy stridor? Could you get the doctor to listen to him over the phone? If your son suddenly deteriorates and the hospital is 30 minutes away that could be quite risky.

Our DD2 (now 6) comes in with me when she isn't well and my DH goes into the spare room. It's not an issue at all, or shouldn't be. When our DCs aren't well, it's right that they should be with us so we can make sure they're ok. And croup really is unpleasant, it shouldn't be an issue for you to have your DS with you. Your DH is being selfish.

apologies op

from your op, it read as though he had taken DS back to his own room and was sitting with him there.

You're doing all the right things jamon, and definitely not over anxious (I used to work in ENT theatres).

I'm the same as you op, when my children are properly ill I want them in bed with me. Dh sleeps in the spare room.

OP I think RebelRogue meant well. It's upsetting to be reading about a pregnant woman being so scared of her husband that she can't comfort her ill child in the way she chooses. Obviously, tonight you just need to make sure your son is ok. But after that there will unfortunately be more nights like this and from one mum to another, I don't like to think of someone putting up with this.
I think everyone is on your side here.

Your DH is being abusive now and bullying you.

He is not the boss of you, you decide what is best for your son.

My DD had croup and ended up in hospital it is was so scary.

Hope he gets better soon, and don't let yourself be treated this way.

As a veteran parent of croupy/asthmatic kids I'd say that if you are worried enough about how bad his breathing is to be needing to be beside him all night, and that you think panicking is going to be dangerous for him, then he should probably be on oral steroids and not just inhaler puffs, and I'd be heading to A&E pdq...

"You have just as much of a say as your husband." This. Order a full size single bed for your son in the morning so you have the option of moving your DH to it when he kicks off unpleasantly like this.

And I hope you manage to get some rest at least tonight.

Further update. I have brought DS into bed with me. He's snuggled into my arm. DH is upstairs banging around and swearing at the fold out guest bed.

He need to grow up and stop being a twat ! Of course you want your ds close by.

What is your dhs problem? Why doesn't he want ds in your bed?

OP, you’re absolutely right to want to have your little one with you and frankly, I find your DH’s attitude quite shocking.

Hope both you and DS get some sleep tonight and that he's ok.

Well done op, let's hope he is OK.

So sorry your DS is unwell.

Is there no way you feel able to pick him up and put him back in your bed? What is your DH likely to do? Without engaging in any sort of argument - can you practice a statement and repeat it ‘DS is coming in with me. He is ill, and I am his mum, and I am going to look after him. If you have a problem with that, talk to me tomorrow. Right now we need to get some sleep’.

Don’t get emotional. Keep it even. Repeat and don’t engage further.

Good luck x

I am glad to hear your son is in bed with you. You will both have a better nights rest now. Leave your other child husband to swear and have his strop !

That's ridiculous, your DH needs to grow up. It shouldn't be an issue at all, our DCs come first.

ds had croup age 8 - after treatment in hospital he spent the next week on a camp bed (his choice)next to me . dh has to get at 5 am never moaned once.
as a rule the children stayed in their own bed when ill .
the only time they've ever sleep with us is with breathing problems- croup , asthma flare up.

Thank goodness OP. He's where he needs to be. I'd let your DH sleep on that guest bed for a few nights.

Just cross posted with your update (slow typing!)

Well done. Your DH sounds awful though.

Sorry