DH won't let me have croupy 3yo in our bed

[jamoncrumpets]

3yo has a croupy cough, which he gets from time to time. He usually has a bad attack, I give him a few hits of an inhaler, and it gradually tails off over time. I usually keep him in bed with me overnight to monitor.

Tonight he's started with a croupy cough and DH immediately said 'right, not again, he's staying in his bed' and took DS out of our bed, where he was calming down watching YouTube videos on my phone, and into his own room where I can hear him coughing and wheezing. He told me I was being hysterical to let DS stay with me and that it was 'all about my health anxiety'. He's currently in DS's room with him.

I want DS in with me. I want to keep an eye on him. But DH keeps shutting me down. I don't know how to stand up to him over this.

OP put him in your bed. Maternal instinct. Ours were at various times - often- and it seemed all the time! Now at 12 &. 13 they don't

Last time ds1 had croup he ended up in hospital because his breathing was so bad his lips were turning blue, his temp rocketed and he was limp and floppy and couldn’t be woken up.

Any hint of a croupy cough in this house and the child comes into our bed to be monitored all night.

Fuck what your DH says, get your 3yr old and bring him into your bed. And if he wants to strop around tomorrow and be “furious” because you brought your poorly 3yr old into bed with you, I’d tell him to pack his bags and leave.

It's really upsetting that you don't feel able to do something as natural and instinctive as putting your child in bed with you because of your husband's reaction.

I really don't, stitchglitched, and it's breaking my heart

I'm another nurse who doesn't do health anxiety but I do trust my instinct, and my instinct says have an ill child in bed with a parent if it is the best thing for the child.

DH will usually get up in the night and move to the spare room, or swap beds with a DD if they're ill. If one of them wakes me up and he's still sleeping I'll either go to the spare room with child, or get them to quietly tuck up with him and I sleep elsewhere (some complaints from DDs about his snoring).

Vomiting kids are always in with me. I wake as they get twitchy and shove a bowl under their heads. Saves them not getting sorted in time and having to change sheets/clean carpet. I can nap between bouts and not have to listen out.

Croup is awful to listen to and worse to have. I had a breathing issue a few years back and would cough until I blacked out despite inhalers etc. Probably an allergy and it hasn't happened again touch wood Not being able to breathe easily is terrifying.

If I let myself get upset about it it further evidences my husband's 'hysterical woman' claim

@jamoncrumpets you have bigger issues than your child's croupy cough.

I dont particularly like the dc to be in my bed, usually because its me they elbow or kick but if theyre sick then it is expected they will be in with us or 9 times out of 10 dh will say he'll sleep on the sofa bed with them.

If my dh made a fuss about the co-sleeping then damn right he would be on the sofa. My dc health is far more important than any adults huffyness

Yeah whatever RebelRogue, but I only have the brain space for the croup right now.

I remember when both dds had swine flu. I slept inbetween the pair them and woke if they made a noise or moved about, I would just touch their heads to make sure their temps weren’t getting any higher. I couldn’t leave a very unwell small child alone all night. For a start both of you will sleep better if he is cuddled up with you. You will wake if his breathing gets worse. Croup is really frightening, and your husband is being idiotic and unkind. Safer child, more relaxed mother- which given as you are pregnant is surely pretty important ? Small boy in bed. Husband in shed. Hope your boy is better soon.

Sorry I meant your husband and his attitude to you,your worries and your child's health.

You might not have headspace for it right now,which is fair enough..but this won't end here or when the croup is gone.

I'm sorry OP. I hope you manage to get some rest wherever you end up sleeping and that your son gets well soon.

OP's husband, the child's father, is with their son- he hasn't just put him in another room alone, shut the door and left him to it!

I actually don't think telling to "fuck off" and to immediately go get her son in "her" bed is terribly good advice. especially if keeping DS calm is important. Why do OP's wishes over-ride her husbands? Surely they both have a say. Maybe her husband has good reasons for doing this, just as op feels she has good reason for trying to keep her DS on their bed. Equally, it would have been better if OP's DH had been more diplomatic about moving DS back to his room.

Oh jamon, feel really for you and your poorly son. Guess its just about getting through the night and doing whatever it takes to keep DS safe. The relationship issues can be addressed when you feel up to it, which probably isnt now.

DH has been up and told me that I can hear DS perfectly well from my room, and that I'm just making a fuss

Opp s

Don't know where my post went.
Op I did exactly this, slept by dd in our bed when she had breathing issues so I could become close, monitor and easily give her the inhaler whilst she slept.
When she had nasty tonsillitis we both slept down stairs and let dh sleep because it was three days up all night event. With breathing and your natural instincts to be near what's the big deal? With breathing they can be stable and stay stable and they can go down hill, I think your doing the right thing.
Also hospital told me, with breathing don't drive call ambulance with dc. I was told off for driving half hour to get dd in. In fact the walk in center told me to drive, hospital were horrified and said they would feed back to them no.. Ambulance. Hope you have a good peaceful night bit id be so worried having another dc with this man.

Errr, jacks, he was in there for five minutes then fucked off to watch a film

Just showed DH a video of a child with croup and he said taking the child to bed is a 'no brainer'.

Put up with his (DH) put-downs (only for tonight) and take DS into the bed. You need DS beside you. It’s your instinct and it’s right. Focus on DS.

You can sort out the bigger things another time. Sorry your H is like this. Dick. He’s like a jealous child-sibling.

jacks11 have you read the thread? He went off downstairs to watch a film and left him alone.

Does he have any knowledge of the condition or dangers? Had he been to hospital with the him?

I'm sorry that so many people who are too stupid to know what croup is, have posted on your thread. You don't have health anxiety. You have a poorly child who needs a close eye kept on him and you have a vile husband. I pity the children of a person who says if their child is too ill to sleep in their own bed, they should be in hospital.

@jacks11 that's exactly what he did. He is downstairs watching a movie in the livingroom while OP is in her son's room .

OP you aren't over reacting (or under-reacting), your husband is being an arse.

Why should OP have to sleep on the floor, while heavily pregnant, just because her husband has decided he doesn't want DS in his bed?

My two have never had croup, but both have suspected ashma. When DD(5) was bad last week she was up every 2-3 hours needing her pump, waking with constant coughing and wheezing.

Would posters really leave them on their own? I find that shocking.

OP, if your way of wanting to deal with this is wrong then so is mine! My DS is a crap sleeper so in with me most of the time anyway but any sign of illnes above a sniffle and I take him straight in with me. Otherwise I'm only up and down like a fiddlers elbow anyway checking on him!

I'm really concerned about the way your husband speaks to you. You shouldn't be having to "stand up to him", you sound beaten down by the way he treats you.

I'm guessing this isn't the only thing he treats you badly over? You don't sound very happy in this relationship to be honest.