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Original poster

DH won't let me have croupy 3yo in our bed

241 replies

jamoncrumpets · 31/03/2018 22:22

3yo has a croupy cough, which he gets from time to time. He usually has a bad attack, I give him a few hits of an inhaler, and it gradually tails off over time. I usually keep him in bed with me overnight to monitor.

Tonight he's started with a croupy cough and DH immediately said 'right, not again, he's staying in his bed' and took DS out of our bed, where he was calming down watching YouTube videos on my phone, and into his own room where I can hear him coughing and wheezing. He told me I was being hysterical to let DS stay with me and that it was 'all about my health anxiety'. He's currently in DS's room with him.

I want DS in with me. I want to keep an eye on him. But DH keeps shutting me down. I don't know how to stand up to him over this.

OP posts:
OverTheMountain42 · 31/03/2018 22:44

When he wakes put him back in with you and tell the DH to sleep somewhere else. Croup is nasty, my son has asthma and has been in hospital on and off with it since 18mths, they go down hill so quickly and it's terrifying for kids when they can't breathe. He's being very unreasonable.

HumphreyCobblers · 31/03/2018 22:44

God, croup is terribly scary. They are struggling to breathe, do some people on this thread not actually get that? How would you, as an adult feel if you couldn't get their breath?

I didn't think it was strange to want to support a child through breathing difficulties.

CheerfulYank · 31/03/2018 22:45

Why are people saying that the husband is in there? He's not!

Again, what we would or wouldn't do doesn't matter. He's having problems breathing, it makes the OP nervous, so what if she wants him by her? I've let mine sleep with me too in these instances, and it's not anxiety. It's the fact that they will wake and cry and I'll have to GO calm them down, and it's easier for me if they're in our bed so I can get them back to sleep and nod back off myself.

Original poster
jamoncrumpets · 31/03/2018 22:45

You do know, some of you, that croup isn't just a cough, right?!

OP posts:
TheJoyOfSox · 31/03/2018 22:45

Would your ‘d’ h see sense if you threaten to sleep on the floor besides your son? At 7/8 months pregnant surely his conscience wouldn’t let you do that?

Only you know if it’s worth threatening “either he sleeps in here, or I sleep on the floor, but either way he is sleeping next to me tonight!”

Good luck, I hope you all get a decent nights sleep.

stitchglitched · 31/03/2018 22:45

He told OP she wasn't allowed to put him in bed with her, that was when he was still awake and coughing. So yes he was telling her she couldn't supervise him. OP are you scared of your H? If not I don't know why you haven't already put him in your bed.

Sirzy · 31/03/2018 22:46

If he is struggling to breath he needs hospital.

If he just has the residual croupy cough he needs rest.

There is a difference between the two though (and I say that as a Mum of a brittle asthmatic who is prone to spasmodic croup attacks)

From what you have said though you have treated and he has settled so get some sleep and see what the night brings.

DangerMouse17 · 31/03/2018 22:46

My ds is 6 and if he's very poorly he still gets in with me. It's easier for me to keep an eye on him and deal with vomiting, high temp etc if we're in the same room.

If you want him in your bed go and get him! DH shouldn't be dictating to you at all in this situation. He may disagree, but ultimately sick children often like to be with/need their mum's. Hope your little one feels better soon Flowers

Lactofreechummy · 31/03/2018 22:47

I don’t let my kids in bed with me when they’re sick. They come in for cuddles in the morning and that’s it. Under no circumstances are they allowed in our bed through the night. I have slept on a blow up mattress next to DD’s if they’re ill and I’m worried but no way are they allowed to sleep in our bed. I’m more with your DH. Of course it’s down to the parent and their preference so im not going to say that YABU or YANBU.

Katedotness1963 · 31/03/2018 22:47

My brother had croup when he was young, it was bloody terrifying! I'd have my child in with me so I could monitor it. I can't imagine my husband saying no to it, he'd be equally concerned.

Llanali · 31/03/2018 22:47

It depends. If the child was truly in the middle of full blown croup then no I wouldn’t leave them.

If the child had a ‘croupy cough’ and had fallen asleep in their own bed then yes, I’d leave them there and get some sleep. Because I’ll wake up if they start up coughing or struggling whether they were in my bed or theirs, but in their own bed they are less likely to overheat and be disturbed by my heavily pregnant tossing and turning.

gillybeanz · 31/03/2018 22:47

If he's sucking his chest in he needs prompt medical attention.
At least this is what we were advised with ds2, it sounds like the poor child is struggling to breathe.

Idontdowindows · 31/03/2018 22:48

If your husband had stayed in with the boy I'd have said you were being unreasonable, but he's an arse for swearing at you and he's an arse for leaving the boy alone with croup.

Shinygoldbauble · 31/03/2018 22:48

My dd is 12 and has asthma. I still sleep in her room when her chest is bad.
In my opinion breathing difficulties are different - they need monitoring especially in such a young child as the OPs.

Flywheel · 31/03/2018 22:48

No way would I leave a croupy child alone. They can deteriorate quickly and you just don't fuck around with breathing problems.

HumphreyCobblers · 31/03/2018 22:48

The thing is, the situation might change at any minute and the OP would want to be instantly aware.

As for your DH OP, how dare he? It is awful that he is stopping you caring appropriately for your child.

SeaWitchly · 31/03/2018 22:49

I'm actually a bit horrified that anyone would say leave a coughing and wheezing 3 year old on their own overnight... I am a nurse and not prone to 'health anxiety'... in fact, I am much more of the 'your limbs are all present and intact? Right-O, you are fit for school.off you go now!'
Croup is frightening for a little one and he needs a parent next to him for reassurance, cuddles but also to monitor him to make sure he doesn't take a turn for the worse overnight.
I have a 7 and nearly 9 years old and both will still climb into bed with me and DH if unwell. They are only little for such a short time and need the comfort of Mum and Dad when young.... I can't imagine they'll still be wanting to do this as teenagers!

AjasLipstick · 31/03/2018 22:49

OP are you going to get a doctor to see him? His chest sucking in like that and him struggling to breathe are signs he needs medical intervention.

ViceAdmiralAmilynHoldo · 31/03/2018 22:50

One of my kids hit a croupy cough from baby hood to nearly school.
I couldn't sleep a wink but at least I got rest and he got comfort if he slept next to me.
It was terrifying.

If my husband had 'told me' I couldn't observe my sick child from my own bed I'm not sure we'd have had a future.

Original poster
jamoncrumpets · 31/03/2018 22:50

I've said twice that his chest isn't sucking in any more, that's what happens when it's at its worst. DS is breathing raspily now but no coughing/wheezing atm.

My major concern now is deterioration overnight.

OP posts:
Llanali · 31/03/2018 22:51

Agree totally with this

  • he is struggling to breath he needs hospital.

If he just has the residual croupy cough he needs rest.

There is a difference between the two*

And yes. I know what croup is. And as above, if the child is honestly struggling to breath, experiencing breathing difficulties and panicking whilst not responding to treatments then medical attention is required tonight.

IfNot · 31/03/2018 22:52

I have an asthmatic child and have let him sleep next to me aged a lot more than 3! Fuck "health anxiety"! Is that the anxiety you feel when your kid can't breathe properly? While it's convenient for some that there's a buzz phrase for everything, having a toddler who is struggling to breathe stay next to his mum is just common sense.

And OP do get help if you feel ds is getting worse x

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/03/2018 22:52

Believe. I think most if not all parents get anxious when their child is ill.

Babyplaymat · 31/03/2018 22:52

I would feel exactly the same as you OP. And would feel very disappointed if DH didn't.

Original poster
jamoncrumpets · 31/03/2018 22:53

I just don't know what to do now. I think I'll just sit here by his bed.

OP posts:
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