to not understand how anyone can think that girls are harder work than boys

[beclev24]

I know all kids are individuals/ there are easy and difficult kids of both genders etc etc. But I've seen various threads on here about how girls are much harder work than boys, and I can't get my head round it at all.

I have 3 boys. It can be like dealing with a pack of wild animals. They are exhausting to parent (lovely and sweet and gorgeous as well of course, just very hard work.) . Tonight we went to a friend's house who has three girls of similar ages. They were so restrained and quiet and cooperative, while mine needed constant policing to stop them from bouncing off the walls. It seems to be similar wherever we go- that it is a constant struggle to get them to behave, whereas for my friends with girls it seems to happen way more naturally. The stereotype is that boys are harder work physically and girls are more complex emotionally, but my boys are also hard work emotionally! lots of tantrums/ big feelings/ complicated wants and needs/ friendship issues etc.

AIBU? Or just a bad parent?

I always wonder this too.
I have 2 girls and apart from the odd mad hour they are generally quiet. Will sit at the table. Watch a full film etc. Play lovely but do have the odd squabble
I have lots of nephews and friends with boys of all ages and they wear me out just watching them.
I don't think I'd cope with boys

Me and DP used to be exhausted looking after our nieces, infact we used to come away saying "never having kids, let's stick to cats" They were non stop.

Totally agree op
Grew up being told all my life how awful girls are
Then had my dd And realised its all a load of shit !!!

As small children my DD was far easier than my boys. She held hands, didn’t run away, could sit at the table without climbing down. And yes, overall this was replicated with friends. My boys were like dogs, they had to be fed, watered and walked twice a day to burn off their energy. As older children, OMG the dynamics of boys are easier especially with their friends and emotions. My boys might get a bit annoyed with their friends but they deal with it upfront and it’s done. The girls is a whole saga of he says, she said, she’s in an argument, she said that and I don’t like that and this one went off with that one. In my experience that’s just so much harder

Girls are sweet. Young women are God's way of punishment for what we did to our own parents.
We have one of each and the stress is indescribable for our dd.

I'm sure that there are exceptions and I've been assured that they come back but my response to all of the naysayers: do you remember YOUR late teens/early twenties? Go call your mother and apologize!

Girls are sweet. Young women are God's way of punishment for what we did to our own parents.

Um, what??

do you remember YOUR late teens/early twenties? Go call your mother and apologize!smile

Yes i do. And it’s my mother who should be apologising to me.

There is a danger in attributing behaviours to “that’s how girls are, moody, hormonal and bitchy”. It means you ignore or dismiss any real problems that child might have. I tried to talk to my mum so many times, but every time i would get the “it’s your hormones making you feel this way”. So i stopped trying to talk to her. Then i was labelled moody along with my teenage hormones.

My mum would still to this day swear i was a nightmare, typical, moody, hormonal teenager. Much like you just have. I will never not listen to my child.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad I come from a family of surrendered women too. Who thought (even though the men in their lives fucked off) that it was still a womanly job to sort food/clean/launder etc.

I am a confirmed feminist and all my kids are aware that it not one persons job to look after the other once we get past a certain age. My eldest is asd and still struggles at 16, with instructions etc. My middle and last are nt but it's my middle one (boy) who is much more attuned to the need to contribute.

But it is deffo a work in progress and sometimes I'm so exhausted it's just easier to do it myself.

We'll get there. Eventually. Apologies if I was a bit scratchy!

I had a very difficult relationship with my mother in my teens / early twenties got much better when I left home properly). My older siblings told me that it wasn't really my fault, more of an issue with dynamics and me being the last one home. We get one very well now (although I did move continents!).

My dd becoming a teenager has not made me reflect on how I was as a teenager, she is generally lovely, I'm lucky to have her and will miss her enormously when she goes to university in a few months. My son growing up has helped me to understand my mum much more though as he is in a lot of ways very similar to me. The difference is that what my mother found difficult in me (being very argumentative) I find generally endearing and enjoyable in ds. This is largely because I know where his need to argue comes from and just join in and we can be annoying together We did use to have a safe word for when things got a bit too heated (although dd complains that we never stopped quickly enough). I suspect that part of my mothers issue is that she has pretty traditionalist views about how girls/women should behave which doesn't include assertively and stubbornly arguing your point.

I have two boys and they are the kindest creatures imaginable. They're also impossible, ridiculous and downright infuriating occasionally. But I teach a Reception class and think all children are quite lovely, so haven't ever subscribed to the whole "boys do this, girls do that" thing because each character is just so different. Mine listen to instructions, don't behave like wild animals at the table and are generally pretty lovely to be around. Surely some of it comes down to what you expect of them and how much they know they're able to get away with?

My two could not be more different if they tried. But neither has ever said to me "that's for girls" or refused to get on with jobs around the house because we've taught them from a young age that everyone chips in everywhere. MIL did everything for DH when I first met him. We moved in together and it was one of those cliche'd baptism of fire moments when he realised that he was going to have to feed and clothe himself, but 12 years on he does as much as I do in terms of childcare and housework. The only difference is that he works away so isn't here so much.

I don't have experience with girls other c than my niece's who can be a bit gossipy about each other. But I think is learned behaviour. From tv cartoons etc where they always portray women as such and their mums probably because it star rating very weekly on and you can clearly see they are imitating adults. I've agree that boys need more physical activities. Some more than others but they need to run a bit otherwise they unbearable. While girls need tmore company and attention. However emotional issues run deep in both and I really find that many struggle to verbalise their feelings. So is not that boys aren't horrible to their friends sometimes is just that they learn from society not to complain about their mates

*meant to say starts very early on

Abby go and have a to go with your thought free cliché.