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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so pissed off with husband's attitude to 'helping' with our children?

180 replies

WaitingForSunday17 · 30/03/2018 18:17

Was just cooking dinner and noticed dd needed changing. Asked DH (lying on sofa) to change her and he said 'when you're the one going to work all week I'll change her'

I'm a sahm. In the main it is fair that the house and children are my responsibility but this attitude really pissed me off. She's his daughter too!

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 30/03/2018 19:36

Teach him how to change a nanny? After two years if he hasn't asked he isn't wanting to learn.

MrsLinManuelMiranda · 30/03/2018 19:36

What does he do at the weekend or on his days off? (I assume he does not work 7 days a week) Why don't you spend a day doing bugger all at home-no cooking, cleaning, tidying etc, then when he gets home he will actually see how much you do all day. ( Or he probably won't notice as he is clearly a total dickhead.)

nellieellie · 30/03/2018 19:38

So, he works Mon to Fri say 9-5 with a lunch break, and you work 24/7 with, probably no real lunch break. I’m a SAHM. If my DH had DARED say anything like that, Id have emptied the nappy on his head and told him to crawl back into the cave he’d escaped from.

nellieellie · 30/03/2018 19:39

Oh, and emptied his dinner on his head with it. Don’t take this. Work out his hours, your hours and then go on strike until he shapes up.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/03/2018 19:39

Teach him how to change a nappy? After two years if he hasn't asked he isn't wanting to learn.

Can't argue with that!

TheJoyOfSox · 30/03/2018 19:40

Show him this thread, he might realise that he is a shitty parent and a grade A twat.

TheBrilliantMistake · 30/03/2018 19:41

Your husband is a cunt

I've just spilled my coke down my shirt reading that.
Made me laugh for real. I know it wasn't mean to be funny, but I did enjoy the bluntness!

ballerini · 30/03/2018 19:41

So because you're a SAHM you do the job of both parents? I feel like a lot of men seem to think this!!!

Wheresthebeach · 30/03/2018 19:42

You need to 'work' the same hours as him. Clock off...clock on...do nothing for him. Do everything you need to for the kids. When he's done his washing, shopping, cooking for a month then have a sit down.

He's walking all over you, and the way he talks to you is appalling. You need to deal with this before the kids start copying his lack of respect.

Loandbeholdagain · 30/03/2018 19:45

I’m a SAHP. My DH works over 70 hours a week quite often. Whenever he is home, he is parenting or helping in the household in some way (unless we have agreed to take it in turns to get a rest). He recognises that being so let responsible for preschool children without a break is exhausting because he actually does it sometimes!

I honestly couldn’t live with someone treating me with such contempt. I’d be having a very serious heart to heart and the reality of the situation and need him to change pronto.

You don’t deserve that. You wouldn’t treat an employee like that, let alone your spouse.

InfiniteCurve · 30/03/2018 19:46

Wow,that is way up there in the unacceptable comments range.
And in other news,money,contrary to some opinions isn't everything.Bringing more money into the house is not a get out of jail free card for all family responsibilities and earning a good wage does not override acting like a total wazzock with your children and mean you are a jolly good chap in spite of that... HmmConfused

JeNeBaguetteRien · 30/03/2018 19:47

I just showed your first post to DH who was horrified. Most men are not like this. He doesn't respect you. And your children will see this as they grow up, and so the cycle will repeat itself. DD will not have good expectations, DS will think this is how you act if you're a man. You can stop this, whether it's by demanding respect or getting rid of this selfish git is your choice. Good luck, remember you are doing something very worthwhile, however much he may earn. 💐

Original poster
WaitingForSunday17 · 30/03/2018 19:51

He's the same even if we are 'on holiday'.
He just says he drove there and is driving back and that's him done for the week.

OP posts:
mogulfield · 30/03/2018 19:53

I don’t know if this has been suggested but leave him with the kids for a day, he’ll soon appreciate how hard it is and appreciate you more... then hopefully start pulling his weight.
My DH was surprised how hard it was when he was first left alone with our first born... he thought mat leave was all coffee and baby groups.
To his credit he’s oulled his weight ever since.
Altho your DH does sound like a bit of a prick, and may be beyond saving to be honest.

PeppermintPasty · 30/03/2018 19:54

Does he have any redeeming qualities at all?

Even my violent, emotionally, financially abusive ex changed nappies with some flair.

Mind you, that was about the sum total of his positives.

Yogafailure · 30/03/2018 19:55

Wtf OP. My DH never said anything like those comments with any 3 of our dc. He'd often work a 12hr shift and be ready to catch whichever baby we had as I literally threw them towards him as he walked in the door. As the other parent he'd also missed our dc and wanted to spend time with them/bath them/change them or whatever.

I think you both need to sit down and talk.

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/03/2018 19:57

Jesus wept. It never ceases to amaze me that some women put up with this shit, just as it amazes me that men like this still exist.

partypooper40 · 30/03/2018 19:59

I think this is th first time I’ve said this but... you have to leave this shitbag as soon as possible. My DH was a SAHD, and I work 60+hours in an average week. No way I would have EVER have spoken to him in that way.

So re holidays you haven to had a day off sincerest your DS was born?!?

Ickyockycocky · 30/03/2018 19:59

I'm worn down and no longer sure what's reasonable and what isn't

Your DH is unreasonable. I was a SAHM with three children under five. My DH worked full-time yet he got up in the night, changed nappies, did bath time and read stories and put the children to bed. He always says he wouldn't have missed it for anything.

IHaveBrilloHair · 30/03/2018 20:00

Omg, it's fucking awful he treats you like that, but he treats your shared DD like that, he'd rather leave her in a dirty nappy than change her.
That's abusive behaviour.

QuarterMileAtATime · 30/03/2018 20:02

What your DH doesn’t realise is that he making himself dispensable. You don’t need him and his shitty attitude.

AssassinatedBeauty · 30/03/2018 20:05

Does he have any positives at all? Is he ever actually pleasant towards you? What interactions does he have with the children at the moment?

lulu12345 · 30/03/2018 20:12

Clearly I agree with the horrified sentiments of everyone else but to be honest I’m surprised that you’re surprised given he has never changed a nappy for either of your children before now (that must be 3+ years of track record if your youngest is 2 now). He’s clearly thoroughly disrespectful of your role and that’s unlikely to change unless under an extreme situation, like he thought you would leave him over it.

Ellie56 · 30/03/2018 20:12
Hmm

I can't believe women put up with this shit in 2018. I was a SAHM and my husband worked full time, but he was still a hands on dad over 20 years ago.

Booie09 · 30/03/2018 20:13

@littlelionmansmummy it's easier said than done when your not in that position.

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