To really hate the word "passed" for someone who's died

[Slippery]

Passed what? Passed to where? They've died. Doesn't matter how you try to dress it up.

I've recently had two family members die, and it really pisses me off when someone says they've "passed".

End of rant.

www.quora.com/Why-do-some-Americans-say-passed-when-the-English-say-passed-on-or-passed-away

it is a topic up for discussion in lots of quarters

Mealy mouthed?? Maybe just softer and less harsh. What planet are some people on

Maybe you missed the bit where I said I did not share this view with those who said it to me. Unlike you, who deny my presence on this earth because I don't think as you do.

Unlike you, who deny my presence on this earth because I don't think as you do.

??

Is there some fascinating backstory here?

I don't understand why anyone would hate it.

When we found out three of my children's dad was dying I did use 'dead' and 'dying' so there could be no misunderstanding, as it was advised by the professionals.

I will often tell people that my boy's 'lost' their dad. Sometimes I will say he died. It just depends on how I feel at the time.

I know someone whose parent just died, I wouldn't go up to them and say 'I am sorry your parent died'. It seems too harsh. I would say I am sorry for your loss.

I think you should just follow the bereaved person's lead on how you talk about it. They're the ones grieving after all.

Unlike you, who deny my presence on this earth because I don't think as you do.?? Is there some fascinating backstory here?

Because the poster queried what planet I was one because they didn't like my views, i.e. like the OP, I can't be doing with "passed on". Does that help?

I agree with Sprinkles -- I have lived in this country for decades, and like it, but as a culture you are useless at death. I have lived in a lot of different countries, and have never come across somewhere where people seem so deserately embarrassed by death, as though it's rather like a rare and slightly shameful medical condition. I also think it must make being bereaved very difficult, as in many cases, the first dead body you will have seen will be your own parents', and sometimes the first funeral you will have attended will be that of your parents, given the bizarre interdiction on children attending funerals, and the necessity to be 'invited' to attend at the behest of the chief mourners...

Also, as with so much in this country, 'passed'/'passed on'/'passed over' rather than 'died' is a social class indicator, isn't it?

Surely people aren't invited to funerals? I've never received or given an invitation to one.

Blue, it's an odd idea to me, too, but I've seen numerous references on Mn to people showing up at funerals 'uninvited'.

Stunned that some people seem to think the fact they find certain terminology annoying should trump other people's devastation at the loss of a loved one. Get a grip - and some empathy - people.

Its a shame that you read that into the discussion.

I use the term passed away when talking about someone I know. Died when i don't. However I work on a hospital and nearly all drs, nurses and carers I come across use the term passed away when communicating with each other and even with relatives. The term "died" I've never actually seen written in medical notes either. IMO died is quite a brutal way to put it. Passed away- maybe could be referring to passed away to the other side, passed on to better things. It's a nicer way to put it x

Not rtft , but one of the original meanings of passed in Latin, and it is a Latin word, is suffered - and when this phrase started being used in the 13th century, any educated person would have been taught in Latin, and would be aware of this. All the church services in Western Europe were Catholic at that time and were conducted in Latin, so priests would also likely to use this meaning around death - plus the idea in those days would very much be of going to heaven or hell, after death.

When my fil died, mil was devastated and to talk bluntly about him dying would have been insensitive and cruel. She is convinced she heard his ghost in the house in the week after his death, and she still believes he is there now, over 25 years later. Sometimes, it is kinder to respect other people's feelings!

My father died 50 years ago. I struggle to say the word 'died' in the context of his death. Words have a power beyond simple meaning.

Passed on to heaven/afterlife etc. Whatever helps people cope with those grief is fine with me.

You can hate it all you like. What you can't do is tell bereaved people or indeed anyone else what words they should use.

I don't see how it any way ambiguous or odd though. We all know what "passed away" means.

Sigh, but OP, who IS a recently bereaved person, - but that's not the issue here - can chose to say that the word 'passed' aggravates her.

The word - so commonly used in sports - IS ambiguous and odd TO ME.

You are free to hate what phrases you wish but you have no right to tell others how to refer to a death of someone close to them.

I say passed away as I believe my Mum is in heaven and I will see her again when I die. I know some don't agree with any sort of afterlife but I expect those people to be kind and to keep those type of comments to themselves.

The word - so commonly used in sports - IS ambiguous and odd TO ME
What do you mean in sports? As in passed the ball? That is such a wildly different context to be completely meaningless to this usage, and nobody ever confused the word between the two meanings!

When I left the US in 1981, no one used the phrase "passed" - it was always "passed away"

Wrong. It's always been used by African Americans.

I work in a hospital and we don’t fuck around with words. It leads to confusion and amibiguity.

As a very newbie a long time ago i was somewhat shocked (after an unbringing where we had to say “fluff”, rather than fart, and refer to bodily functions in hushed tones and euphemisms) to attend a senior staff meeting and hear adult men and women talk about death, vagina, penis, sexual assault etc in very frank and correct terms, with no hint of embarrassment or glossing over.

I do find it frustrating irl now when no one just says what they mean. The amount of children utterly confused because nanny “went to sleep” and they can’t understand why she hasn’t woken up yet. And don’t get me started on minnies and haha’s and “water” etc.

They died. It is final, and when talking to patients they need to understant that finality. Personally i think words like “lost” and “asleep” almost leave that tiny bit of hope. I remember after my dad died when i was in primary school, i used to have thoughts of him waking up, or still being alive somewhere with no memory.

Really, if someone unexpectedly told me or wrote: John Passed - I would need their body-language to help me. I wouldn't expect it to mean John Passed Away - because this is a usage I am not used to hearing.

I completely appreciate everyone else has been using that phrase since the year dot, but OP and I have not.

Its a shame that you read that into the discussion.

Really? I am not "reading into" anything. I am simply reading. And quite a lot of what I am reading is decidedly lacking in empathy.

Well it IS a shame that people - inc the recently bereaved - can't discuss their own responses to words that describe their experiences without being deemed unemphatic.