To really hate the word "passed" for someone who's died

[Slippery]

Passed what? Passed to where? They've died. Doesn't matter how you try to dress it up.

I've recently had two family members die, and it really pisses me off when someone says they've "passed".

End of rant.

I agree Zibbidoo. I'm out. RL tends to be way more straightforward than MN.

My mother died last May and one of the last conversations we had was her telling us very clearly that we were NOT to refer to her as having "passed." Said she'd come back and haunt us if she heard about it!

I hate the flowery phrases passed/passed away/slipped away. I prefer the more direct dead/died terms as they're clear and unambiguous. My lovely nan didn't 'pass' or 'slip away' she died.

I really appreciated everyone asking how I was and sending condolences after my mum died but I absolutely hated it when it was phrased as "sorry you've lost your mum". Saying 'lost' in that context killed me because she wasn't lost, lost means there's a chance of finding them again but there's no coming back from being dead.

The other one I hate, especially when explaining to children, is when people say that X who has died has 'gone to sleep' or 'is sleeping'. When my nan died suddenly I was actually told by the bereavement person at the hospital not to use these terms when explaining death to children as it confuses them.

People who are grieving can absolutely use whatever terms they want to about the person who has died, and I'll always take my lead from them and use the terms they do, but it doesn't change how I feel about the euphamistic terms that are used about and around death.

It isn't awful, Sparkling. It's reality.

In fact, my brother wasn't present during the conversation, so I had to tell him about it when he used the term in his eulogy for the funeral. He struggled with changing the word, actually.

"Sorry for your loss" is perhaps a little bit overused, but only because it can be hard for many people to know what to say to someone who is grieving. Keeping it simple by saying how sorry you are is not trite or twee or meaningless unless it is said without any thought or meaning or compassion.

Sparkling I’m sorry you disagree, and I’ve no wish to upset anyone, but most of the time i’m so sorry/I’m very sorry to hear that is a more meaningful phrase as it recognises the bereaved person’s feeling without needing to use a euphemism or a blunt phrase. Instead It shows compassion and kindness.

Again, I’m genuinely sorry if I’ve upset you.

"Sorry to hear your mum/dad died" worked for me.

And I'm sure it will do for a percentage of people who have just been bereaved. But others find it eye-wateringly blunt, and at a time when they're already dealing with so many intrusive questions and difficult decisions.
I learned a lot when DH1 was in a hospice for some respite care, from listening to the staff. They actively encouraged discussing the end and what was coming with patients and their loved ones, but they also parked all their own opinions about the right way to react to all of that, right down to the correct language to use. They were so much better at all that than the hospital staff (where DH unfortunately eventually died), where some patronisingly blunt things were said to my children that caused a lot of extra hurt.

There's no right way to grieve and personally I would rather err on the side of caution every single time I talk to someone in the agony of grief, so I always speak a bit euphemistically until I can gauge the approach that will be most helpful. They will encounter lots of people who are unthinking or inquisitive or just a twat and it is much better to go gently to start with.

Grinds my gears too, it's ridiculous. It's either passed away or died.

After my mum died in late November, it wasn't anything anyone said in condolence that upset me. I can't actually remember what anyone said, it's a blur now.

I did, however, divorce the friend who sent me a Christmas card with "The most wonderful time of the year" on the front.

I haven't rtft but can I add "lost" I haven't lost my dad, he's not down the back of the sofa or in a forgotten coat pocket in the attic. He's dead. I lost so many things when he died, an entire future with him in it, but I didn't lose him.

Some bereavements are too painful to immediately acknowledge that the person has died. Using the phrase 'passed away' might make it just that little bit less difficult when speaking about what has happened. In situations where people have lost someone, particularly someone very close, then it's considerate and kind to mirror the language they use when speaking of their situation. Surely a little compassion is not too much to muster even if you don't believe in using euphemisms.

In the US, the expression "passed" is sometimes short for "passed away," but it is also an expression that is very often used in African American communities, and also quite often has a religious connotation. It's cultural. Different cultures have different notions, practices, and language about death and dying. I think it is important to remember that before we go off on a tirade complaining about the way some people express matters concerning death.

"Passed away" is an acceptable and established euphemism for "died", which I don't use but I have no problem with others using.

However, I agree that the use of the word "passed" on its own to refer to death just doesn't seem to make sense.

"Passed" needs to be used with another word in order to make sense, e.g. Passed by; passed on; passed through; passed over; passed off; passed away. The only instance where it's used on its own is when someone has passed a test or exam, when we might say "congratulations, you've passed!"

Each to their own but I don’t like the term ‘passed’ either. I don’t much like ‘lost’ either. I prefer to say died or dead.

I am the same too. I am not keen on it either

YANBU, OP.

I can't stand passed/has passed, or lost. Lost what? That makes it sound like someone has been careless enough to lose something/someone.

You should be ashamed of yourselves
Why? There's no shame in people using the correct terminology when someone has died/is dead.

I work in the funeral industry and when we're discussing arrangement with a family we alway use the word passed
If I was your client I'd tell you to stop patronising me by using such a ghastly (in this context) and meaningless word. The fact is, the person has died/is dead. No amount of euphemisms is going to change that.

Yanbu
Passed away makes sense
Passed does not

I lost so many things when he died, an entire future with him in it That's part of what "sorry for your loss" means, well, that's how I see it anyway.

My Dad passed away. To say he died still, even now, hurts too much. You can fuck off, Op. Hope that's clear enough for you.

@sparklyllama I was the same, it took me about a year to use the d word. Don't worry about it, some folk especially on here get cheesed off about the strangest things

Couldn't care less. Wouldn't use 'passed' myself but however people want to talk about death is presumably led by their own personal comfort levels around the subject, and it's not for me to criticise that.

I think it’s because we are uncomfortable about death (generally speaking ). People don’t want to upset grieving people and /or don’t really know what to say
Especially if you don’t know or don’t agree with their belief in an afterlife

The term ‘passed away’just seems kinder somehow

I've worked in aged care and we would always use "passed" because "died" was too confronting for people who were often already struggling with the reality of their own mortality.

I can't get worked up over this. I say the people I know have died, but I wouldn't be fussed if someone said they'd passed away. In fact, I'd assume they'd put thought into how they were going to phrase what they were going to say, which is a good thing.

Passed away is different from passed though.