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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Texting after first date

429 replies

JapaneseCat · 30/03/2018 14:31

When is too late for a guy to text? I felt he was into me but no text since we met last night. He made some references to “playing it cool” while we were on the date.

OP posts:
kimanda · 31/03/2018 16:03

@velourvoyager

You sound very angry and upset.

You OK hun? Sad

Hit a few raw nerves there did I?

Sorry if half a dozen people agreeing with me has made you cry so much. Preferred it when people were being nasty towards me purely for being helpful did ya?

Says a lot about you THAT does!

There was nothing inaccurate about my long post on the previous page, as the supporting comments afterwards proved.

Get over yourself and stop crying, just because someone has said it like it is.

Blit · 31/03/2018 16:13

No OLD for me Kimanda thank goodness, I wouldn't fare well.

Just know lots of women who are, and wishing they didn't have to, but nowadays being asked out IRL rarely happens.

velourvoyageur · 31/03/2018 16:15

Oh christ, wow Grin

Have a nice weekend Kimanda.

OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 16:16

'Remember that many men are hoping to land a supermodel.'

That is such rubbish. I'm considered generally to be very good looking and I can assure you it has not helped me have good relationships.

OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 16:17

Omg this thread has gone weird

kimanda · 31/03/2018 16:17

Blimey, YOU blow hot and cold don't ya @velour?

Errr, you have a nice weekend too! Wink

kimanda · 31/03/2018 16:17

I have seen weirder!

Helmetbymidnight · 31/03/2018 16:19

Im with velour too. (I also don't get why you're calling her hun or suggesting she's crying.)

And I certainly don't get why you gave the op such a pasting. I don't think she acted like an entitled princess, etc, etc. She just sounded like someone nervous after a first date.

I don't think those who are trying to be supportive rather than name-call are immature and pathetic.

As for this: In addition, with the behaviour and attitudes of some of the women on here, it comes as no surprise that some women are permanently single. That's just funny.

There was nothing inaccurate about my long post on the previous page, as the supporting comments afterwards proved.

No, HUN, that proves nothing.

OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 16:26

To be fair mumsnet is a harsh place to be these days.

I was looking at a thread the other day from 2005 and a Mner was describing an emotional affair she’d had. The replies were so kind and understanding. Today she would have got some really nasty comments I think.

Blit · 31/03/2018 16:31

Being very good looking probably gets you lots of second and third dates though OutOfSyncGirl.

Relationships are something else, surely.

DragonMummy1418 · 31/03/2018 16:40

Sounds to me like he just doesn't like you and is trying to let you down gently. Would you rather he said he didn't like you or he just doesn't want to date?

At least he let you know!

It's really no big deal, we're not all compatible.
Just leave it and find someone else. 😊

g1itterati · 31/03/2018 17:05

"I bet if the OP HAD sent the text I suggested 'it was fun last night, if you wanna meet up again, let me know and we can check our schedules and meet up some time soon,' she may have got a second date"

Yes because that would surely have swung it Grin

And "getting" a second date is what counts Confused

As if you can persuade anyone by a text - regardless of when it's sent or how it's worded. More to the point, why would you even want to do that if he not that bothered?

I do wonder how some people get through life.

ilovesooty · 31/03/2018 17:12

I must admit I'm a bit bemused by how keen the OP seemed before she heard back from him and how disparaging she was afterwards.

Original poster
JapaneseCat · 31/03/2018 17:21

Fair do’s - I was keen because we got on well and felt he was giving me signals! Must have misread. And in hindsight I can see I was ignoring certain things!

Badlad - that’s quite crude but point taken! I guess what you are saying is that he just didn’t find me attractive then.

I’ve had second and third dates with others who have then promptly dumped me when I didnt “put out” immediately...

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 31/03/2018 17:40

Me too, Ilovesooty Hmm.

OyO · 31/03/2018 17:51

Classic bank holiday weekend MN Grin

Popc0rn · 31/03/2018 18:00

He might have found you attractive, he might not have, who knows. He might genuinely just not have the inclination to date atm, or he might have decided he just wasn't that into you after the date. Maybe he's getting over a bad break up, maybe there's another girl he's got his eye on, maybe this, maybe that, could be any reason. Bottom line: he doesn't want another date with you. Doesn't matter what his reason is. And deciding that that is because he didn't find you physically attractive isn't gonna help with your self esteem.

Popc0rn · 31/03/2018 18:05

I reckon he interpreted your message as a brush off, and was just trying to save face, bit like you were when you replied saying you were glad you're both on the same page!

OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 18:26

Popcorn may be right I think. But either way he doesn't sound worth wasting time on. If he's a bad kisser that would put me off alone.

OutofSyncGirl · 31/03/2018 18:28

The reason I think Popcorn might be right is that he deleted op from matches right after she sent the reply about being on same page.

ilovesooty · 31/03/2018 18:31

I think Popc0rn is right. Still his kissing wasn't too off-putting until he replied to her text.
Perhaps the way forward is to make meetings shorter and not drink.

cherish123 · 31/03/2018 18:47

I agree with popcorn

Aridane · 31/03/2018 18:51

OP - I think it’s great your date had the honesty and decency to text back to say no more dates with you - would have been easier not to respond and at least you know where you stand.

MirriVan · 31/03/2018 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoseWhiteTips · 31/03/2018 19:02

You OK hun? sad

Have I wandered onto Netmums?Hmm