DP is a big baby, but I feel guilty being critical since I'm SAHM

[fgd45]

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable. Some background: DP is our primary breadwinner. He earns a six figure salary and we are well off.

He comes from working class background and I am from UMC. Often when we look at spending habits we disagree as to how much things "should" cost, i.e. groceries, clothing for dc, etc.

Over the years, I have come to respect this and I would not necessarily call him stingy, just more money conscious than I am, which I think is a good thing in keeping our family's budget on course.

All good, except for this: he is so disorganized regarding family related things that I find my days filled with his problems. To give you a sense of it, this week I spent a full day straightening out his taxes, pricing out moving companies because he is moving offices, fighting with BUPA, and just stupid busy work that a grown man should take care of. The problem is he just waits and waits until it becomes a huge issue and is about to blow up in his face, and then asks for me to fix it.

I just lost it to him on phone a minute ago: he had a very important drs appointment with a private GP. He just missed it. No excuse no explanation and when I asked him why he missed it he said he was in the city and didn't feel like going all the way to Harley Street.

I'm fuming because this will cost us £ 500 since BUPA doesn't cover missed appointments, I had spent all day Tuesday getting the pre-authorization in place and he just doesn't care.

If I had spent that much money on a bag, or clothes or whatever and lost it, he would be hitting the roof regarding how much money I've wasted, yet when it is him doing it, he didn't seem fazed.

I feel guilty because he is the sole provider, but at the same time I want a partner not a child to nag and take care of.

Am I wrong or what should I do next?

To me £500 is a lot of money. But to you it's only 6 weeks of blow drys, so I'm not getting why you are so bothered?

I'm only on p5, but I think people are getting sidetracked from the issue here. OP's hairdressing arrangements aren't the problem (spending £300 per month on agreed luxuries is fine if one can afford it), but her partner throwing away £500 because he couldn't be bothered to turn up to an appointment is something else altogether.

Re the upper middle class thing, Americans tend to see themselves as that way having been to college and earning around $200-700k per year. Upper class is seven figures and/or Mayflower-type background. The class system in the US is mostly financially driven.

Does your husband’s secretary not assist with personal appointments and such?

I think he ought to replace his PA if she isn't keeping track of his expenses and doesn't arrange office moves.

Haven’t RTFT cba but it is not £500 for an appointment.

Sorry, it’s just not regardless of where the GP is based

OP never said it was a GP did she?

‘Very important appointment with a private GP’

60 mins with a private GP on Harley St could easily be £430 +

Oh sorry misread

Any American living here knows that umc means something very specific - it's all about background not about money. Americans cannot be umc in Britain other than by marriage.

You could be American umc if you were from an old East coast or Southern family for example. But upper class itself does not exist in the US as they have no aristocracy.

Trump for example is most definitely not upper class.

£80 a week on blow dries ? Wtf

willynilly I would be the same as you. I work PT - quite a few hours but not as many as DH who is FT & in my mind it is fair that I take on extra household stuff. If I was not working I would have no issue with helping out DH with some work related jobs if it stopped him getting stressed out.
Tbh I think the blow drys are relevant - not the cost but the fact that OP has time on her hands to sit having her hair done while DH is chasing about with work.