To ask when you first had visitors following childbirth

[Blythwind]

My DH is planning on allowing/encouraging friends and family to visit as soon as we are back (or even whilst I am still in) hospital following the birth of our first child. He has a very large family so it's not just his parents.

I'd rather wait a week or so, whilst I recover a bit from c-sec, and whilst we adjust to our new life, before everyone starts trooping in. I'd like to set the expectation, by telling people we will let them know when we are ready for visitors (so they don't just turn up).

He says I'm being unreasonable/rude/cruel. Am I??

2 days after my first and found it really suffocating.
2 weeks after my second and putting my food down was one of the best things I’ve ever done.

FOOT down obvs 🙄

My mum rocked up at the hospital first thing in the morning, and was told by the midwives to bugger off until visiting time at 6pm. Mum and PILs came that first evening, BIL and a close friend (mine, not his) came on the second day, but mostly it was just DH and grandparents until they let us out of hospital. After that,visitors were welcome whenever they liked, it wasn't as if I had anything to do. My friends and family are all very willing to put the kettle on or watch the baby while I had a quick shower though, pain in the arse demanding visitors wouldn't have been so welcome.

I couldn't wait to have visitors hours after I had both my kids in hospital, so boring there and I wanted to show them to everyone

Same day for my PIL, sisters, Dad and step mum and step dad (my mum was at the birth) whilst I was at hospital

Second day we took him to see my DH’s grandmother

Third day, I had my 4 DSC round to stay the weekend as usual

A couple of friends popped into the hospital and MIL & SIL both drove to see the baby - very kind as it was at least a two hour drive each way. (My own parents were over six hours drive and didn't visit until we were at home - by agreement).

The night we got home my DH invited his boss and wife for dinner - actually I was happy to see them as I was desperate to do something 'different' after a week in hospital and preparing an easy meal (DH would have done it, but I wanted to) was quite a nice thing to do .

Do whatever suits you.

There's no right or wrong way- just your way.

Both parents, his siblings & our bhusband st friend visited at the hospital (I stayed over night). I kid you not - 15 people (a mixture of my family & our friends) visited us the first day we were home. I'm not saying this caused my PND but it certainly didn't help not being able to have alone time with DH & DS right at the start. If I were to give birth again I would put strict rules in place. Definitely no more than a couple at a time!!

Your choice entirely!

I much prefer having visitors whilst I am in hospital to get them out of the way. They can't stay long, I don't have to entertain them, clean and tidy the house for their visit, give them tea and so on. Hospitals get boring, so distraction is welcome too. You don't even have to get dressed, you are in a hospital bed.
I hate having visitors at home unless I specifically invite them.

It should be your choice for sure.

** our best friend

^^That should read

I was in hospital for a week with DS, during which time a few close family members came to visit which I was ok with.

What I objected to was the two sets of completely nosey people from my town who watched for my car pulling up at home then traipsed in 15 minutes after I got back. I didn't get any peace for days, was mentally exhausted and struggled to bond with my son because I had no privacy or down time at all.

YANBU, you might feel ok and decide youre happy for people to visit sooner, but I don't see anything wrong with asking extended family to wait till youre feeling up to it.

Visitors don’t bother me. My first, my parents and pil came to the hospital and saw me in the delivery room. Then relatives trickled in over the next week or 2. I loved showing him off. My 2nd was born at 05.50, I was home by 5pm. PIL met us back at the house, closely followed by my parents with my eldest. Then on the 2nd day Home we went out visiting!

Btw I much prefer going out to visit! Stay as long as you want to and they have to wait on you.

5 days for us, we wanted that time alone with our baby

We had visitors the day after we got home from the hospital. It was all a bit of a blur but they didn't stay long.

As soon as theft could get there. I was bursting with pride and couldn't wait to show everyone my babies and be told how clever I was!

I had visitors in hospital and at home straight after. I wish I hadn't and this time o won't be doing we are waiting a few days first so we can settle

This really is a ‘how long is a piece of string?’ question - it really depends on how you feel, when the baby is here - you might feel just great, and be fine with lots of visitors, or you might need more time to recover and get back on your feet.

We are all different, and two women who have similar experiences of childbirth can and do feel very different afterwards, re. visitors.

I can absolutely understand why your dh is so eager to show off the new baby - it is a hugely exciting and thrilling time, and he is understandably going to be so proud. But he has to understand that childbirth can be a very tiring and difficult experience for the mother, and he has to accept that his desire to have his family meet his child cannot take priority over your NEED for time to recover - he especially needs to acknowledge that a c-section is major abdominal surgery, and that you may well not feel like lots of visitors immediately afterwards, @Blythwind!

6 hours later, my sisters and families arrived and my MIL. They were all very welcome.

I think just after birth is the best time, before sleep deprivation kicks in.

I gave birth last Tuesday morning and was discharged from hospital the same day - I knew that I didn't really want any visitors to the hospital but we had quite a lot of visitors that evening we got home but only family. We were absolutely shattered and to be honest couldn't wait for them to leave so we could go to bed!

Our hospital currently has big signs up saying "due to flu season visiting is restricted to partners and grandparents only "
Our son ended up in nicu for a week so that put visitors on hold. He is now 3 weeks old and while some have been to see him most have held off and they will get to see him next Monday when he will be 4 weeks old as we wanted him to be a little bigger and stronger. Do what is best for you!

1 day for both.

I was so exited for visitors! About two hours after she was born. Mil soon smashed me down to earth, she looked at baby and wailed.. Oh snow!! She looks like YOU.

Said in sad, accusatory tone. Then made rude remarks about other stuff. And I was so amazed and on cloud nine...

Df went into strange mood as well and everything went quickly down hill from there.

But... It's lovely to hear of other women's wonderful supportive and loving families

I had my parents visit whilst in hospital and then everyone else the day after but it was a really straight forward labour.

Ds1 born at 10:48 and had visitors (my DP’s, DSis and dbil) from about 18:00

Ds2 born 11:20 and we were home by about 18:30 (same visitors with the addition of Ds1 and DN1!)